I'm just cleaning out my closet.
When you have a mess and start cleaning, dust flies around. That is what is happening. Dust. Dusty memories that I haven't remembered in a long time. It will be a very thorough (I hope that is the right spelling), but necessary cleaning to my healing.
I'll probably find many scary dust-bunnies, but I know that this is needed, and that I can make it through. My Father will help me. He has many times, and He will not fail me, in this, my darkest hour. Keep reading if you feel you can stand it. I won't be offended if you wish to not take this journey with me. Jesus will carry me through, and I will have the love from Father, and others around me. Honestly, I don't want to go through this cleaning journey either, but I can't live like this anymore. I want others to know who I am. But more then that I want to know who I am. This cleaning will help me find the "choice spirit" inside of me. I do hope that I don't scare my faithful readers away as I have many people, but like I said, I won't be offended. I know in whom I have trusted, and I will continue to trust in Him, and I know that He will always be there for me.
I'm just cleaning out a closet. Dust. That is all it is. (keep telling yourself that Shay)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I'm just cleaning out my closet.
Posted by Shay at 4:46 PM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
So after getting way excited to be able to catch up with old friends in high school and the friends I made at Jacob Lake on Facebook, it seems like I am still the same ol' brush off I was then.
I wasn't extremely popular in high school, and I must admit, I had a dark side at Jacob Lake and still do and will until I heal from past pains, but does that give people the right just ignore someone? If they didn't want to communicate with me in the first place they could of just refused my friend request. I might have been fine with that, though I'm not really sure. All I want is to have friends. Someone to talk to when times get rough. Someone to laugh with about old times and to remember past enjoyments.
It seems that I'm the only one to feel that way. It makes me really wonder how people see me. Am I really so lame that people don't want to try to be friends? I guess I am, and giving up seems to be the thing. I'll just get hurt again right?
But something inside me says to keep it up. Whatever "it" is. How do you even keep up a one-sided friendship anyway? Talk to yourself?
I know that I'm rambling, and being very negative, but that is how I feel. Should one hide their feelings because they are negative? I think not. Feelings are feelings and we have them for a reason. I guess my problem is that I am and will continue to have a hard time right now. I am in a group and counseling to remember my painful past and will have hard days coming up. I'm trying to use Facebook as an outlet, but it is turning into a negative outlet because of how depressed I am when people don't respond to my attempts of friendliness.
If you made it this far, thank you. I needed to vent for a bit.
Posted by Shay at 9:50 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day! Rocket Scientist suprized me with the compete novels of Jane Austin compiled into one book (mom has it for reference to my siblings...). I was so happy and excited! I lent out my Pride & Prejudice book to one of my roommates, and she forgot to give it back before the end of the year, and I was way sad when I realized that. And tried to get a hold of her, but I guess she changed her e-mail. Anyway, so I was really grateful that I have it again.
Happy Valentine's to you all!!!
P.S. Rocket Scientist just got home, and there was something for Bug taped to the door. He got a Valentine too!! Yay!
Posted by Shay at 12:32 PM
Friday, February 8, 2008
Saturday, February 2, 2008
So, happy groundhog's day everyone!!! Here I am cooking the groundhog. And today of all day's is Bug's first groundhog day, where he was actually old enough to eat it. So we got some lovely pictures of his first opinion of groundhog. Wonderful faces huh?
Well, I hope you had a wonderful groundhog's day, and that you had your groundhog!
Posted by Shay at 8:24 PM