Can I have some?

welcome to my blog.

a place to post. a place to eat oreos. a place to vent. a place to heal.

i started this blog so i could use a different outlet besides munching on fattening oreos. as if that has done any good... *mind wanders to oreo package in the house...*

then i realized that oreos can be semi symbolic. if you are are that crazy about oreos that is. which... i am.

eating oreos is therapeutic for me. when i am struggling or when i need a pick me up. they have chocolate. and sugar. both of which help lift my mood. not to mention that i eat them soaked with milk, which is my miracle drink.

i post my posts to not only get stuff out. there may be people who read my blog who have been in the same kind of situations as i have. i hope reading them and knowing that others have gone through things like i have, will be to you what eating oreos does to me.

and yes. i didn't capitalize anything in here. i just felt like it. deal with it.

munch up.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I just started thinking today about my family, and it made me start to wonder what I'm passionate about.  I have lots of brothers and two sisters.  The more I think about them, and their passions, makes me think about me.  Most of the things that my siblings are passionate about are worthwhile things.  Running, their job (photography), making healthy meals for their kids, insuring worthwhile activities for their kids, music/trumpeting (again job), the gospel/faith that we were all raised with...

And then there's me.  I like writing, I like drawing, I like playing my trumpet, I like reading books (novels and manga), I like watching anime, I like playing with my kids, I like knitting, I like cross-stitching.  But of all of these hobbies, the ones I would say I could be considered "passionate" about would be reading manga and watching anime.  Neither really has much to do with a job that I'm planning on having... and in general, they just tend to be an excuse to sit around on my butt and laze around all day.  Watching anime usually is combined with knitting... but the fact is the same - they aren't exactly worthwhile uses of my time.  Sure I could use the excuse that I'm just recuperating from my very busy semester, but after a whole month... that might not go over so well anymore.  And for the most part... that is almost all I have done this month.  I have cleaned when needed, and made ... maybe one or two healthy meals for dinner.  I have things lined up that I intend to do, but having not done them in this long while, it is starting to make me think that I'm really just a lazy person.  When I have nothing else that needs to be done, I just lay around and do nothing.  I intend to practice my trumpet more this summer so I won't have to work up to my talent again at the beginning of Fall semester, I intend to work out more so that I'll be in shape come marching band season; I intend to have my trumpet professionally cleaned and get the dents knocked out (thanks to the money from my Jazz scholarship); I have all these intentions, but none of them have been accomplished.  And the cause of the problem that I have come to is that maybe I'm just not passionate enough about the things that I'm doing.  Oh, I had passion before - that is what got me in the mess of having so many hobbies.

When all I see ahead of me are months and months of no agenda, I send the kids downstairs to play on the Wii, and I sit at my computer reading or watching anime, or just mainly wasting time (often on Bacefook).

I hate self realization times like these, because when I come to this realization, I have two choices.  Get off my lazy butt and go do something, or give in and just continue on the path that I am already on.  And I usually tend to pick the latter.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Grades and summer projects

Tis a lame title that lacks creativity I know, but I decided to get right to the point.

Apparently curiosity won over fear of seeing the grades... I passed all my classes.  The other two English classes and Japanese are all in the B range.  Wind Orchestra was an A of course...  But my gpa fell below a 3 again... I hope I can get it up to at least a 3 before I graduate. That is my goal.  One more year to get it.  It'd be cool to wear cords around my neck... but that will most definitely not happen.

So now that summer is upon us, I am working on this:

Tis a coat.  The front is really pretty too, but I can't find a picture of that on the internet.  I saw this advertised in a Vogue Knitting magazine, and loved it from the start.  The front has buttons that go all the way down.  Of course I'm still working on that blue sweater for someone else, but after doing the same thing over and over, I decided to spend the time doing something for myself.  And though this will be the same pattern repeated over and over all the way up... there are different cables in there - and that changes things up enough that I think I won't get bored with this one as easily.  Well, we can hope. ^_^

I have other things on the back burner, but this is my main project that I would like to get done for next winter.  It is made with really thick wool yarn, and Pro Boxer keeps saying, "That is going to be really warm."  Yes... that is my hope. ^_^

So good news all around.  I guess a lot of you readers out there were waiting for that for some time.  Hopefully I'll have enough rest this summer to be able to tackle one more year of college.  Knitting and working on my story are both things that I think will help me rest sufficiently.  Especially if I get to show this off during the winter... I'm excited.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Mommys make the best beds

So, school is out. I'm writing this with one hand so that this:
will not be interrupted. It is hard to type with one hand, especially when most of my keys are missing their label. Goof Ball missed me quite a bit this semester. One proof of that is the above picture. He has been particularly clingy lately. Even nearing the last week of the semester, whenever I was home, he would want to play or sit on my lap... both things are not situations that are conducive to essay writing, so I would stay at campus to work on my essays, which of course, escalated the problem.

I have found, however, that there is only so much of this (refer to above picture) that I can take. I love my children dearly, don't get me wrong... but I am in a transition stage. I am having to get used to spending so much time with them again, and I am sure it is the same for the kids. It is getting-used-to-each-other-again time, and I'm trying to be as patient as I can. The cuddles I can stand a bit better than other things.

Goof Ball is at a hard stage as it is. He is struggling (I think) with being the second boy. He is also struggling with independence - he wants to be able to do everything by himself (especially things that Bug does) yet he can't, because he is not yet old enough. To make up for it, he screams, he hits, he pushes - most of these are directed at Bug - and he tells people what not to do. "No" is a frequent word of his... as well as "Stop!" He is "master of the house" and he needs everyone to know and understand - and feed him cereal constantly. It gets to the point that come bed time, I am barely holding in the yells to get the two to go to sleep. Bug, as sensitive as he is, sees Goof Ball's actions as a sign that Goof Ball doesn't like him. Which of course, sets them both off, and they both need loves and hugs before they will calm down. And there is only one of me.

It's transition time again, and thankfully I'll only have to go through this one more time - that is if my grades will hold up, and I don't have to retake classes. All of my teachers reassured me that I would pass their classes, but I am still too nervous to check. I checked once - yesterday I think - and only one teacher had posted grades. I got a C. *wipe of the brow - it is a pass. I have to get at least a C- to pass. The next two I am the most worried about. They are the two classes that I had with the same teacher. Britain Literary History and Shakespeare. They covered the same time period and both very interesting classes, but I just couldn't do my best in them because of my job with The King and my writing class. In fact, I turned things in late and slugged my way through it so much that I wonder how the teacher can be so forgiving and understanding when I was shlupping it up in both of her classes! I felt horrible every time I had to e-mail her explaining another mess up.

Well what comes will come... I will check the grades again (maybe in a week - I need to muster up the courage again) and we'll see you on the other side.

One last thought... as Goof Ball is being so independent lately, maybe it might be time to start him on potty training...? Ponderous...