Can I have some?

welcome to my blog.

a place to post. a place to eat oreos. a place to vent. a place to heal.

i started this blog so i could use a different outlet besides munching on fattening oreos. as if that has done any good... *mind wanders to oreo package in the house...*

then i realized that oreos can be semi symbolic. if you are are that crazy about oreos that is. which... i am.

eating oreos is therapeutic for me. when i am struggling or when i need a pick me up. they have chocolate. and sugar. both of which help lift my mood. not to mention that i eat them soaked with milk, which is my miracle drink.

i post my posts to not only get stuff out. there may be people who read my blog who have been in the same kind of situations as i have. i hope reading them and knowing that others have gone through things like i have, will be to you what eating oreos does to me.

and yes. i didn't capitalize anything in here. i just felt like it. deal with it.

munch up.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Little Angel... among other things.

Sorry it has been a while. I haven't had much to talk about.

I started counseling again. I accomplish my assignments by talking to my muse. My counselor is pleased with the results that happen with that.

Despite the amazing month this is in the Mary Kay world, I haven't done much. Well... hardly anything. I have been making lame attempts to accomplish the goals I have. I can't seem to get my feet on the ground. I'm hoping that after I get my roller coaster of depression under control I can do better. That's the plan at least.

My brother got married. I can't believe it. Honestly. It seems crazy that my little brother is old enough to get married. His wife is really sweet. I really like her. :)

Tomorrow is Little Angel's birthday. We will be sending up two balloons up with notes on them. I can't believe it has been two years. Since we have had Squirmy in the home it has been so easy to accept that Little Angel isn't with us anymore. But then again... this day comes up and I remember how much I miss him. Which is healthy. I think. It isn't like I can expect me to just forget him. That will never happen. But at least it isn't overwhelming pain that sends me into numbness anymore. Squirmy has really been a blessing in our home. I don't know if I had mentioned this in here yet, but when Rocket Scientist gave Squirmy his blessing, he said that Squirmy would be a comfort and a healer in our home. Even before Squirmy's blessing, I could feel that. I only had one heartache from looking at him and remembering Little Angel. He really has helped heal my heart. If you want to send up balloons tomorrow as well you are welcome to do so.

Squirmy is growing up so crazily! He rolls pretty well now from tummy to back. He is one of the smilyest babies that I have ever seen. I think he is teething, but his attitude certainly doesn't show it. He is so content most of the time. It is crazy how much he smiles. But I sure love it.

Bug is being an amazing older brother. He'll play with Squirmy, give him his binky when he needs it, and just loves to help. A few things Bug has said recently have been, "Mom, that looks so nice!" I was putting tuna salad stuff on Ritz wheat crackers. Every once in a while he'll just come up to me, climb into my lap, give me a hug and say, "I love you!" When he bonks me, or Squirmy he'll say "Sorry!" almost immediately afterward. One day he asked for "green milk". He wanted the 1% milk which has a green lid and label. I thought I'd be clever and put a few drops of food coloring in the bottom of his cup. Then the phrase, "How'd he do that???" came up. That was mainly after Rocket Scientist changed his milk red. He is just such the cutest little guy, and I hate how his innocence could be shattered one day from some evil of this world.

I guess that is about it. Rocket Scientist is doing good. He is completely healed from the Swineness, and I'm doing ok. I think I have charly horses in both of my calves. But we are doing ok. I have found some new ways to help me calm my depressing times. One is to write. Another is to remember the Pixar short, Boundin'. It is the perfect thing actually. It is amazing how that simple message could help me so much. It it said so simply and yet it is a very strong message too. If you haven't seen it yet, look for it. It is the short that came with the movie, Incredibles.

So yeah. G'night.

Monday, October 12, 2009

The moments that make it all worth it

Earlier today Bug came up to me and said,

"Moooom! I wanna hug brother! ... Please??" He said this as if I was preventing him from doing so... lol

*heart melts*

Another cute experience...

I went to someone's home today and she has a little girl about the same age as Bug. As we were leaving, they give each other a hug which is heart melting enough... Afterward though, my friend's little girl grasps Bug's hand with both of hers and says, "I'm SOO glad you came!"

*heart melts*

I wish I had a video camera for that one moment. It was so adorable.

As for our sick bug... I am glad to say that we are over it now, and have re-entered the public world. Bug has a bit of a cough, but it is only pretty bad in the morning, but gets better throughout the day. And it has been getting less and less severe as the days go on. I hope he will not have it much sooner since I know how it is to be coughing all the time....

Well that's it I guess. :)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

This is HILARIOUS!!!

Looks like you'll need to brush up your act, Pavlov!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

My life

I found a poem on one of my friend's blogs that describes my life completely. Well... minus kids.
I sit at home on an office chair
With a desk that's filled with clutter.
"Why can't all this just be cleaned up?"
To myself softly mutter.

Of course I have no time to clear it,
I'm such a busy guy,
Must check my email, and check it again,
Visit facebook by and by...

See whats for sale on ebay
Maybe make a bid
For something I don't need
But I wish I did.

Must beat my score on solitaire,
Minesweeper, or pinball,
And once again check facebook,
Go write on someone's wall.

And of course I must go read the blogs,
Of everybody and their dog,
And to satisfy my stalkers,
I update my own blog.

And as you read this, you're probably grinning,
Because you know my words are true,
You're much too busy to get things done,
And your desk stays messy too.
And yet with all that, and me knowing this is true.... why am I still to scared to change and make my life more productive/fulfilling?? Is torturing myself really all that it's hyped up to be?

Monday, October 5, 2009

The pig has flown again.

For anyone who reads this that isn't a friend of mine on bacefook or a family member who I e-mailed... (which probably sums up most everyone who reads this...) Rocket Scientist got diagnosed with Swine Flu today.

Here's the whole story:

On Thursday I had a color facial with one of my friends. She invited her friends. One of them I know. She brought her kids. Sometime during the facial, she commenced in telling me that her kids had just been throwing up. Her oldest had been over it for about a day (probably only 12 hours) but her youngest one was "just about done". I had brought my kids to this color facial and suddenly started to wonder why in the world she brought her kids. If she couldn't find a babysitter, just don't come! How irresponsible is that to spread sick inducing germs???

*deep breath....*

Sometime in the middle of the night (the day before Saturday), Bug threw up. I was having a really hard time to have kind hearted thoughts to this woman who brought her sick kids in public. She can say whatever she want to me but when it is my kids who are suffering because of her thoughtless actions or words......

*deep breath....*

Thankfully, Bug only threw up twice that day. After the second time we gave him a pepto bismol tablet and he was fine minus a slight fever. He slept more that day than he usually does, so he probably wasn't feeling the greatest. Another little tidbit about this day... I wasn't feeling up to par in the morning myself. I was kind of feeling a little nauseated, but it didn't last long. Probably before we even had lunch I was feeling better. I never threw up.

Sunday dawned bright and clear (not really... it was actually pretty stormy), and I was thinking/hoping that we were over being sick. Then Rocket Scientist mentioned that he didn't feel the greatest either. We probably didn't check his temp until sometime in the afternoon, but I assume (he is so patient and never complains... not like a certain someone I know... *points finger to self*) he was feeling crappy all day long. Right before we went to sleep that night his temperature was 100.0.

Monday morning his temp had risen to 101.4. We went to instacare around noon. Then came home cursing the stupid pigs who twisted the flu bug.

So. That is the story. I think I am more worried about this than I need to be, and certainly more than I know because I have been in hiding. I'm VERY good at hiding. So good in fact that I usually don't realize I am hiding until hours later...

I have already lost one infant. If Squirmy gets this bug I think I just might break down. Even before I know if he will survive it or not.

Even if you are not religious... please.... pray for us.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Good news

So... a bunch of good news today (besides that it is conference weekend). Yesterday Squirmy rolled over on the floor for the first time! He rolled over multiple times so it wasn't just a fluke. This is always a joyous event because when they can roll over, the chances of SIDS decreases a ton. Yay!!

Also, Squirmy slept through the night last night! He slept from... 9:30ish (we can't really remember) all the way to 7!!! Hurrah!!! It felt nice (except the fact that he hadn't eaten all night.... ouch!). I'm thinking the change happened because he wasn't in the same room as us last night. He didn't wake up from us moving around or coughing or other such things. I'm gonna test out this theory tonight. We'll see how well he sleeps tonight without being in the same room.

And as always when kids make milestones like these there is always a little heartache. How in the WORLD did he get so big and grow so fast with only eating less than 10 minutes on one side every feeding?????