Passion

I just started thinking today about my family, and it made me start to wonder what I'm passionate about.  I have lots of brothers and two sisters.  The more I think about them, and their passions, makes me think about me.  Most of the things that my siblings are passionate about are worthwhile things.  Running, their job (photography), making healthy meals for their kids, insuring worthwhile activities for their kids, music/trumpeting (again job), the gospel/faith that we were all raised with...

And then there's me.  I like writing, I like drawing, I like playing my trumpet, I like reading books (novels and manga), I like watching anime, I like playing with my kids, I like knitting, I like cross-stitching.  But of all of these hobbies, the ones I would say I could be considered "passionate" about would be reading manga and watching anime.  Neither really has much to do with a job that I'm planning on having... and in general, they just tend to be an excuse to sit around on my butt and laze around all day.  Watching anime usually is combined with knitting... but the fact is the same - they aren't exactly worthwhile uses of my time.  Sure I could use the excuse that I'm just recuperating from my very busy semester, but after a whole month... that might not go over so well anymore.  And for the most part... that is almost all I have done this month.  I have cleaned when needed, and made ... maybe one or two healthy meals for dinner.  I have things lined up that I intend to do, but having not done them in this long while, it is starting to make me think that I'm really just a lazy person.  When I have nothing else that needs to be done, I just lay around and do nothing.  I intend to practice my trumpet more this summer so I won't have to work up to my talent again at the beginning of Fall semester, I intend to work out more so that I'll be in shape come marching band season; I intend to have my trumpet professionally cleaned and get the dents knocked out (thanks to the money from my Jazz scholarship); I have all these intentions, but none of them have been accomplished.  And the cause of the problem that I have come to is that maybe I'm just not passionate enough about the things that I'm doing.  Oh, I had passion before - that is what got me in the mess of having so many hobbies.

When all I see ahead of me are months and months of no agenda, I send the kids downstairs to play on the Wii, and I sit at my computer reading or watching anime, or just mainly wasting time (often on Bacefook).

I hate self realization times like these, because when I come to this realization, I have two choices.  Get off my lazy butt and go do something, or give in and just continue on the path that I am already on.  And I usually tend to pick the latter.