Something is off somehow. It's like I feel there is a word on the tip of my tongue. But a word isn't something that is about to be found. I feel almost as if something wants to explode out of me. Maybe a story, maybe a picture... I don't know what, but I think it is something that wishes to formulate itself through a craft. I'm like a volcano that is on the verge of exploding, but instead of shooting out burning hot lava that will destroy everything in its path, it will be appearing as something creative. I have many crafts up my sleeve. Many of them I learned from my amazing mother.
I have been boiling inside for many years. Trapped in a cage, boiling slowly. A slight simmer. Lately the fire has turned up, and the boil got fiercer. I don't really know what it is, though I have a guess. I have no idea how close I am, or how far off I am. And I don't even know how to deal with this. I have never felt like this before.
If you read this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my thoughts are so confusing right now. Maybe I hope for this to be the creative outlet. Or maybe I'm drilling a hole in the volcano to let out some of the pressure, but not all of it. After all, I don't want to hurt him either.
I'm sorry for the way that I am. But I fear, that this thing... this thing cannot be changed no matter how hard I try. I may just be trapped in this cage until I die, quietly and slowly letting steam escape, holding in the creative lava.