Christmas preps.

I don't ever remember my parents telling me that if I wasn't a "good girl" I wouldn't get any presents. Or just get coal. And I think that is appropriate. If you haven't guessed, I haven't told Bug that either. Though I have been tempted at times. In my mind though... putting that sort of perspective on Christmas, that it is about receiving gifts, it is no wonder everyone expects to get gifts. Isn't it all about giving, and Christ centered? How He gave everything for us, so we must do our best to give back by serving others? I haven't talked to Bug about what he wants for Christmas. I haven't pointed out to him that there are gifts under the tree for him. What I did... was take Bug to the toy section of the store, and asked him to pick out a present for Baby. *he isn't bubbling anymore since he has grown two teeth, so his blog name has changed once again* What I did... was help Bug wrap Baby's present that he picked out. I helped him write a note to Baby. Then we put it under the tree, me pointing out how good it felt to do such things.

And then Bug said, "Mom. Baby want's to open it now." Yeah... I'm sure.

Well, I tried.

Silly Me....

Maybe I just thought I already talked about it. Maybe I just wished people would know so I imagined that they really did. No matter the reason, I hate hiding. I'm sick of hiding and refuse to. So here is the truth. The ugly truth that probably most of you don't know or never realized. If you don't know if you are ready to read or know the ugly truth or may be hurt by it, please stop reading now. I won't be offended. The last thing I want to do is hurt people.

I can't hide anymore.

So here it is.

I'm sorry in advance.











I was sexually abused when I was a child.

There it is. The ugly truth.

You don't need to know by whom. Please don't speculate on who done it. It has happened, and we can all just go on with our merry lives pretending everything is grand right? "Just put it behind us." It does no good to dwell on past mistakes and wrongs. Right? Right??

No. And yes. When a child is abused, they separate themselves from themselves. Call it a survival instinct. With something as traumatizing as this, the emotions have to be dealt with at some point. As far as the perpetrator, it is true. It is no good to dwell on past mistakes. I have forgiven him, so no one needs to know who done it.

But I can't "just let it go". Because sometimes... no... all times, what happens in our past affects how we act today. Some things have more affect than others. Something as traumatizing as this is hard to accept sometimes. But I need to deal with the emotions that I have hidden... no run from my whole life. Right now I'm cleaning out the closet. I can't live like this anymore. I have recently realized that I (irrationally, I know) feel a lot of guilt. Please don't tell me that it wasn't my fault. I already know that. Knowing ≠ feeling.

When you clean out a closet, dust arises. I'm in for a long stretch of ugliness. Or at least it feels like that. I can't just hide it and pretend everything is happy-go-lucky anymore. I used to. Which is why things like this can exist. Survivors learn to be very good actors. Except to their moms apparently.

I'm pissed off because I thought I had already gone through this. I have been through counseling before. Many times in fact. I thought I had been healed. And now I'm back at square one. Well... past square one. Deeper down than square one.

My parent's home used to be a safe haven for me. A sanctuary. It has always been that way for me. I hadn't ever moved the entirety of my childhood. They have always lived in the too small house for nine kids, with the unfinished basement. There have been some improvements. No one is sleeping in an unfinished bathroom with blankets for walls anymore, but that might have something to do with the fact that my parents are the only ones living there now. But at least the unfinished bathroom has walls now... at least as far as I know. I don't pay much attention to those sorts of things. Usually when I'm down there I'm trying to keep myself from screaming. I was only scared of the basement.

The guest room is now currently in the basement. The only queen bed for guests is now down there. Well... besides the hide-a-bed... but when I wake up on that bed I can't move for a bit because of the back pain. Thanksgiving eve. We went to visit family. I tried to sleep down there because sleeping in bunk beds wasn't appealing to me. I wanted my honey's arm around me. I didn't even get close to sleep before I was practically running up the stairs with tears running down my eyes.

I have felt uncomfortable at my parent's house since. It kills me. My only sanctuary this whole time has now turned into a house of horrors. It isn't because the spirit isn't there. It may be because I have cut myself off from anything spiritual. Feeling this enormous guilt has given me the impression that I'm not worthy enough to pray or feel any sort of love from anyone. I know it is false. Knowing ≠ feeling.

So there it is. I'm not asking for any sort of advice. I am going to counseling for a reason. But I just can't hide anymore.

Stop following me if that was too much for you. I'm sure the posts will get worse. I'll try to keep things light with pictures and cute stories about my adorable kids. But count on these sort of posts. Because I just can't keep it in anymore.

MIA

I apologize. I haven't been blogging in a long while. Reading or writing. I have 96 posts that I haven't read of blogs that I keep up with.

Just know this.

I am alive and well.

We are surviving. Some how.

I'll post more details on that later when I can find out how to do it tactfully and sparing the ugly details that I'm sure no one wants to read anyway.

I can pull through this. God willing...

Catch up

I didn't look at the date of my last post. I don't really want to know. Not that I have been particularly busy. Just... lazy. And not feeling like I have a ton to blog about.

So, to update on what the kids are doing...

I no longer can type very long with Mr. Bubbles in my lap. He is constantly leans forward so he can push the buttons too. And then I get too upset with him, give up, and put him on the floor.

*stands up to put Mr. Bubbles on the floor*

Now that my lap is kid free... time to continue the post.

Bug is into Elmo these days. We always get an Elmo's World DVD at the library these days. Mr. Bubbles still doesn't have teeth. The past few nights have been torture. There was one when he woke up every two hours, sometimes even 1 1/2 hours. My only guess with that is the fact that he wakes up in pain, then can't go back to sleep until he eats. And nibbles a little on me to relieve the pain. HIS pain that is...

Uh... what else... my mind is a haze right now.

Today is my second day on medication for... *sigh... depression. I don't want to call them drugs, yet I don't want to call them depression medication... I don't really know what to call them. Whatever...

I had my appointment on Wednesday. Took my first pill yesterday. About mid day I started to feel nausea. Which my doctor warned me might happen. Grr... one of my least favorite feelings is nausea. *sigh...

I could have (a long time ago) just called and asked them to send the prescription to my pharmacy, but I didn't want to, because I actually had some fears regarding it, and though at first I didn't know those fears, but I eventually did. Anyway... so I made an appointment with my doctor about a month ago, and since my doctor is so busy... it took about a month for me to go in. We talked about my fears, talked about how I was feeling, and then he prescribed me. That was pretty much it. I go in again in about 2 weeks, to get my IUD and to check up on how I'm doing emotionally.

Side note... I must not really be myself lately, because Rocket Scientist asked me once what I wanted for Christmas, and I honestly didn't know... and if you know me... you know that I usually have a list at least a page long... and usually a few months before my birthday or Christmas. yeah....

So that's me...

Mr. Bubbles is usually in a good mood. Unless he is hungry. Pretty much. I'll try and find some pictures to share. Bug has started to not like his nickname... which happens to be his blog name. Good thing he doesn't read my blog, because seriously... I don't know what else to call him on here. Oh well...

Uh... what else... oh... update on Rocket Scientist. (for the record, I didn't think of him last, just didn't know what to tell about him until now) He is working for the weekend... I hate that... but to be positive (since I'm working on that) he is working this weekend to get ahead for Thanksgiving. Which is crazy that it is only a week away... minus one day. It's crazy.

Happy November everyone.

Wish me luck

I just thought I'd go for this. Bug would love it. ^_^ Blogging about this is a way to get entries to win this, so yeah... I love this company so I thought I'd give it a try. ^_^ Check out the pic:

Also...

I also wanted to mention with my exercising for comments... when I said I was doing sit ups I meant crunches. So yeah... and in truth I hadn't done one crunch since I posted that... so yeah. I did 77 crunches today. My tummy might be a bit sore tomorrow.

As for how things are going here... I'm kind of... yeah... my night wasn't so great. But I'm going to try and still have a good day.

Mr. Bubbles has been in Bug's room for the past half week. It has been interesting. I was surprised how liberating it was. Almost like leaving the house without any children. You mothers know how it feels.

I was kind of nervous about moving Mr. Bubbles to Bug's room. Mainly worried that Bug wouldn't be too happy about it. When I first asked him, he said (pointing to the cradle in the master bedroom), "This is Mr. Bubble's bed. That's where he sleeps." But then I moved it into Bug's room and he seemed to like the idea. Bug, that is.

The past few nights when I have put Bug to bed, he would come out of his room and say, "Mom... Mr. Bubbles wants to come sleep in my room." Because usually, I would put Mr. Bubbles to bed later than I would Bug. But the transition is overall... doing quite well.

So that's that. There's your update for the day.

Oh.. one more thing on the exercising... I plan to trade off my Yoga days and my crunching days. So yeah. I guess that's about it.

'Ta!

P.S.

For those of you who comment by e-mailing me or calling me that counts too... just so you know.

Yeah...

It's official

I need to get in shape.

I think emotionally or something I want to get pregnant again. I know. I'm crazy. I have had 3 children in 4 years. I haven't let my body recuperate at all between pregnancies. Or rather I haven't ever really tried to put any effort into getting my body in shape. BUT. The fact that I thought I was pregnant again, and had to take a pregnancy test just to be sure... and the fact that I felt a little disappointed when it said that I wasn't pregnant... yeah.

I think I was feeling like I was pregnant because deep down I wanted to be pregnant. So my body tried to pretend to me that I was. I have heard of stuff like this happening... of fooling your body into thinking that lies are truths.

Then again, I think I'm crazy. I have just started to feel good about the sleep time that I get at night. And Mr. Bubbles (Squirmy's new blog name due to excessive drooling caused by teething) is still young enough that I remember those horrible nights of trying to get him to sleep so I slept uncomfortably on the couch so I could get SOME kind of sleep. I still remember that, and how sore I was the next day. So part of me thinks I'm crazy. The other part wants to be pregnant again.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME????

Anyway.

So yeah... it is time for me to get in shape. So... back to the reason for this post.

There is a new side bar... thing. Look at it. Then comment. I will do 5 sit ups for each comment... that is my goal. So yeah.

HELP ME!

Little Angel... among other things.

Sorry it has been a while. I haven't had much to talk about.

I started counseling again. I accomplish my assignments by talking to my muse. My counselor is pleased with the results that happen with that.

Despite the amazing month this is in the Mary Kay world, I haven't done much. Well... hardly anything. I have been making lame attempts to accomplish the goals I have. I can't seem to get my feet on the ground. I'm hoping that after I get my roller coaster of depression under control I can do better. That's the plan at least.

My brother got married. I can't believe it. Honestly. It seems crazy that my little brother is old enough to get married. His wife is really sweet. I really like her. :)

Tomorrow is Little Angel's birthday. We will be sending up two balloons up with notes on them. I can't believe it has been two years. Since we have had Squirmy in the home it has been so easy to accept that Little Angel isn't with us anymore. But then again... this day comes up and I remember how much I miss him. Which is healthy. I think. It isn't like I can expect me to just forget him. That will never happen. But at least it isn't overwhelming pain that sends me into numbness anymore. Squirmy has really been a blessing in our home. I don't know if I had mentioned this in here yet, but when Rocket Scientist gave Squirmy his blessing, he said that Squirmy would be a comfort and a healer in our home. Even before Squirmy's blessing, I could feel that. I only had one heartache from looking at him and remembering Little Angel. He really has helped heal my heart. If you want to send up balloons tomorrow as well you are welcome to do so.

Squirmy is growing up so crazily! He rolls pretty well now from tummy to back. He is one of the smilyest babies that I have ever seen. I think he is teething, but his attitude certainly doesn't show it. He is so content most of the time. It is crazy how much he smiles. But I sure love it.

Bug is being an amazing older brother. He'll play with Squirmy, give him his binky when he needs it, and just loves to help. A few things Bug has said recently have been, "Mom, that looks so nice!" I was putting tuna salad stuff on Ritz wheat crackers. Every once in a while he'll just come up to me, climb into my lap, give me a hug and say, "I love you!" When he bonks me, or Squirmy he'll say "Sorry!" almost immediately afterward. One day he asked for "green milk". He wanted the 1% milk which has a green lid and label. I thought I'd be clever and put a few drops of food coloring in the bottom of his cup. Then the phrase, "How'd he do that???" came up. That was mainly after Rocket Scientist changed his milk red. He is just such the cutest little guy, and I hate how his innocence could be shattered one day from some evil of this world.

I guess that is about it. Rocket Scientist is doing good. He is completely healed from the Swineness, and I'm doing ok. I think I have charly horses in both of my calves. But we are doing ok. I have found some new ways to help me calm my depressing times. One is to write. Another is to remember the Pixar short, Boundin'. It is the perfect thing actually. It is amazing how that simple message could help me so much. It it said so simply and yet it is a very strong message too. If you haven't seen it yet, look for it. It is the short that came with the movie, Incredibles.

So yeah. G'night.

The moments that make it all worth it

Earlier today Bug came up to me and said,

"Moooom! I wanna hug brother! ... Please??" He said this as if I was preventing him from doing so... lol

*heart melts*

Another cute experience...

I went to someone's home today and she has a little girl about the same age as Bug. As we were leaving, they give each other a hug which is heart melting enough... Afterward though, my friend's little girl grasps Bug's hand with both of hers and says, "I'm SOO glad you came!"

*heart melts*

I wish I had a video camera for that one moment. It was so adorable.

As for our sick bug... I am glad to say that we are over it now, and have re-entered the public world. Bug has a bit of a cough, but it is only pretty bad in the morning, but gets better throughout the day. And it has been getting less and less severe as the days go on. I hope he will not have it much sooner since I know how it is to be coughing all the time....

Well that's it I guess. :)

This is HILARIOUS!!!

Looks like you'll need to brush up your act, Pavlov!

My life

I found a poem on one of my friend's blogs that describes my life completely. Well... minus kids.

I sit at home on an office chair
With a desk that's filled with clutter.
"Why can't all this just be cleaned up?"
To myself softly mutter.

Of course I have no time to clear it,
I'm such a busy guy,
Must check my email, and check it again,
Visit facebook by and by...

See whats for sale on ebay
Maybe make a bid
For something I don't need
But I wish I did.

Must beat my score on solitaire,
Minesweeper, or pinball,
And once again check facebook,
Go write on someone's wall.

And of course I must go read the blogs,
Of everybody and their dog,
And to satisfy my stalkers,
I update my own blog.

And as you read this, you're probably grinning,
Because you know my words are true,
You're much too busy to get things done,
And your desk stays messy too.

And yet with all that, and me knowing this is true.... why am I still to scared to change and make my life more productive/fulfilling?? Is torturing myself really all that it's hyped up to be?

The pig has flown again.

For anyone who reads this that isn't a friend of mine on bacefook or a family member who I e-mailed... (which probably sums up most everyone who reads this...) Rocket Scientist got diagnosed with Swine Flu today.

Here's the whole story:

On Thursday I had a color facial with one of my friends. She invited her friends. One of them I know. She brought her kids. Sometime during the facial, she commenced in telling me that her kids had just been throwing up. Her oldest had been over it for about a day (probably only 12 hours) but her youngest one was "just about done". I had brought my kids to this color facial and suddenly started to wonder why in the world she brought her kids. If she couldn't find a babysitter, just don't come! How irresponsible is that to spread sick inducing germs???

*deep breath....*

Sometime in the middle of the night (the day before Saturday), Bug threw up. I was having a really hard time to have kind hearted thoughts to this woman who brought her sick kids in public. She can say whatever she want to me but when it is my kids who are suffering because of her thoughtless actions or words......

*deep breath....*

Thankfully, Bug only threw up twice that day. After the second time we gave him a pepto bismol tablet and he was fine minus a slight fever. He slept more that day than he usually does, so he probably wasn't feeling the greatest. Another little tidbit about this day... I wasn't feeling up to par in the morning myself. I was kind of feeling a little nauseated, but it didn't last long. Probably before we even had lunch I was feeling better. I never threw up.

Sunday dawned bright and clear (not really... it was actually pretty stormy), and I was thinking/hoping that we were over being sick. Then Rocket Scientist mentioned that he didn't feel the greatest either. We probably didn't check his temp until sometime in the afternoon, but I assume (he is so patient and never complains... not like a certain someone I know... *points finger to self*) he was feeling crappy all day long. Right before we went to sleep that night his temperature was 100.0.

Monday morning his temp had risen to 101.4. We went to instacare around noon. Then came home cursing the stupid pigs who twisted the flu bug.

So. That is the story. I think I am more worried about this than I need to be, and certainly more than I know because I have been in hiding. I'm VERY good at hiding. So good in fact that I usually don't realize I am hiding until hours later...

I have already lost one infant. If Squirmy gets this bug I think I just might break down. Even before I know if he will survive it or not.

Even if you are not religious... please.... pray for us.

Good news

So... a bunch of good news today (besides that it is conference weekend). Yesterday Squirmy rolled over on the floor for the first time! He rolled over multiple times so it wasn't just a fluke. This is always a joyous event because when they can roll over, the chances of SIDS decreases a ton. Yay!!

Also, Squirmy slept through the night last night! He slept from... 9:30ish (we can't really remember) all the way to 7!!! Hurrah!!! It felt nice (except the fact that he hadn't eaten all night.... ouch!). I'm thinking the change happened because he wasn't in the same room as us last night. He didn't wake up from us moving around or coughing or other such things. I'm gonna test out this theory tonight. We'll see how well he sleeps tonight without being in the same room.

And as always when kids make milestones like these there is always a little heartache. How in the WORLD did he get so big and grow so fast with only eating less than 10 minutes on one side every feeding?????

Busy, busy, busy

So this post has been on the back burner of my mind for sometime. And I apologize to anyone who has been haunting this blog trying to find out if I got a ribbon at the state fair. (though I doubt anyone has been doing such...)

So I hope I can remember everything I have been wanting to post about. Beware. This has the potential to become a very long post.

First things first: The state fair.

We found this first... (obviously...) I got first prize!!! ^_^ Look at that lovely display!




















Then we visited the animals:



























































They have this cool "little hands on the farm" thing where they plant seeds, and harvest food and milk. It is really fun. Here is Bug with his basket.




















Collecting wool.




















Getting the eggs. You can see the apple, milk carton, carrot and wool in his basket here.




















Random pictures to show you how my kids have grown. Squirmy is really getting good at controlling his neck muscles. Notice how Bug is more blurry here than Squirmy is...
















This one Bug was too smart for me. I tried to get a candid shot, but he knew, and kept his eyes shut. It was cute to see them all cuddled up together, but you can kind of tell that Bug is posing. I should put the amazing picture my mom took of me posing pretending to be asleep. She didn't know for a really long time that it was posed.... haha. Looks like Bug has my same talent... or rather my same mischievousness to get his mom to take a picture of him pretending to be doing something he is not.




















I thought this was a pretty cool pic. We are kind of doing the same pose. :)




















So cute!!! I think he just woke up. :)




















HAHA! What else can I say?




















Yes, this picture below all this text was posed. I told him what to do. But I still feel like my little guy is amazingly powerful. He has been out of diapers since the 12th. In the morning I finally flat out told him "I'm not putting a diaper on you." This was the fourth or fifth day (I may be exaggerating, but not by much) when he woke up and completely soaked his diaper and soiled his bed in a row! I couldn't take it anymore. Changing sheets that often with a diaper on is just uncalled for. He must have heard the finality of my tone because he contemplated for a second, went over to the drawer where we have the pull-ups and said, "Lightning McQueen?" I jumped at that. I went to the drawer were we have already been stocked with underpants that were Lightning McQueen and said, "Well, these underpants have Lightning McQueen on them too." I was shocked that he agreed with it. This is coming from a little boy who flat out refused to even contemplate wearing underpants for a few months. Even the mention of the word would almost cause a tantrum.

He has been out of diapers since. He has gone back and forth between underpants and pull-ups, but he hasn't soiled the bed ONCE since that morning. Talk about a complete turn around!

Hurray for my amazing little Bug!!!




















He wanted to get a picture of his "potty treat". So there you have it.




















As for an update on Squirmy. He is doing very well. He sometimes will refuse to eat unless I am laying down, which can get frustrating (like when we are out and about... I don't mind laying down to feed him while we are at home... *wink wink*) I think he might be teething, but I am still not for sure on that one. He has gotten enough control over his arms and hands now that hearing him suck on his fingers is a normal occurrence around here these days. When ever Squirmy is awake and happy, Bug will come and get in his face and chatter excitedly with him in what I like to call the "heavenly language". Bug still appears to understand such language. He hasn't quite grown out of that yet. :)

As for the adults in the home, we are doing good. Rocket Scientist has been able to get some overtime this week and that is good for our income. I am working hard in my business. Striving full out to get thirty faces in this month. And trying my very best to be positive. Even to do something I have felt was silly for the longest time. Positive affirmations. I hated the idea of saying such things like "I am 140 lbs.!" when it is most obviously not true. But in any case I have been striving to change my attitude. And that has been a huge blessing in our lives. We aren't so stressed and cranky at home anymore. It has helped me get over being upset when hard times arrive. I have also, amazingly have found sometime to get more done on my story, which has been a wonderful feat. :)

And so with that long update... I bid you... goodnight. :)

Bug's Prayer

Should have posted this on the last one, but forgot too. So here is another post overflowing with Bugification cuteness.

"Nnn Heavenly Father... nnn bless the food... nnn we're all hungry... nnn Jesus Christ AMEN!"

The nnn's I can only account them to be ands. Or other words that are similar.

One time while he was praying I forgot to turn off our surround sound music that was playing from my computer, and during the prayer the song changed to Sherl Crow's "Real Gone" (opening credits of Disney's Cars) and Bug said "nnn Lighting McQueen..." right when the song started up... quite fun.

There have even been times (usually during lunch) when Bug says, "Nnn Daddy's sleeping..."

Ah the wonderful sweetness of innocent prayers. :)

Updateness

Hello all.

So... it has been a while, I know. Starting a business tends to take a lot of energy and time and I will be the first to admit that I haven't been spending it as usefully as I could have. But enough of that...

I have found a good way to explain one of the ways that Bug is OCD... not sure if he really is, but he sure acts like it sometimes. Probably only because he is a little boy and they like to know what is happening next. Anyway... he is very polite. "What's that you say?? A three year old boy... POLITE??" Yes. That is what I said. There have been times when I forget to say please (more often than not.... I'm much better at saying thank you than please) Bug will tell me to say please. If I don't say thank you for setting the table or some other act, he will insist I do until I comply. Good thing? Of course. Annoying thing? Of course. But then... there could be worse things he could be doing besides teaching his mom manners.

He also tells us to share quite frequently. Like.... "Share the cookies!" or "Share the candy!" You get the idea... lol

When Bug and Rocket Scientist are "rough housing", Bug has gotten it in his head that he can attack Daddy as much as possible and not be attacked back as long as Bug is "safe". So what he does, is attack Rocket Scientist, and runs back to me as fast as he can to be "safe" in my lap. When he does this, he runs back saying "safe! safe!" It is quite cute.

Squirmy is at a very cute stage. When he isn't screaming he is all smiles. I just look over at him and he smiles at me without any encouragement. He coos and just makes those adorable little baby sounds that everyone loves. It is wonderfully cute.

I have re-entered the "world of periods" and I'm not too happy about that. I really hate periods. Not because they are particularly horrible for me... I have known women who get cramps so bad during their period that all they can do is lay on a couch or something clutching their middle until it is over. I'm certainly not like that. I just don't like them because they are gross. Too much info men readers? It's ok... I'm done now. Except to say that when I started, it came to my realization that I have not ever been breastfeeding while having a period. Little Angel died too soon for that to happen, and I gave up breastfeeding Bug too early for it to happen as well. Yes. You read that right. Squirmy has already out lived Little Angel. Or I would rather say... out grown. But anyway... interesting how silly little things like that could point that out to me.

Another quick update thing... remember my winter cross-stitch scene? (if not the picture is on the side bar.) Well I was talked into entering it into the state fair. So I did. If you live in the same state as me... feel free to stop by and see it for yourself. Especially if you haven't seen it in person. It is much bigger than it looks in the pictures. I will be going down for that tomorrow since it is cheaper than going any other day. I'm quite excited. It has been a long time since I have been to a fair and even longer (never) since I have entered anything in a fair. We'll see how it goes. I'm sad that Rocket Scientist can't come with me, but with his work schedule... well... lets just hope he can get a different one soon.

And that is it ladies and gentlemen! Off I get ready for a MK appointment... tune in next time to see what award I got at the state fair!!! (that is if I get one.... :p)

New website!!

Ok, so just a warning... I am way excited about this.

If you check this often enough, you know I just started a business with Mary Kay. (if not, check a few posts down...) And am enjoying every minute of it. (well... not every minute... everything has its ups and downs...) Anyway, so I'm way excited about a specific part of this whole thing. I just set up my own personal website where anyone in the USA can order! Isn't that great! I'm way excited about this. So for now, I will attach the link with this post, but I will gather the help from my hubby to make a cool button that you can click on the side bar.

A few features that I'm way excited about... you can upload a picture of yourself and do a virtual make over! I played with this yesterday and had a blast. It even goes so far as to let you change your hair! The color, the length... even highlights and just... everything! You can pick your own colors for make up, or you can click on make up looks from professional make up artists!! It is way fun even if you don't enjoy make up a ton, it is still pretty fun to play with. After you get your "look" you can send it to friends, print it out, or you can have it put all your make up on an order form and you can get your perfect look! As I said before, I send to anywhere in the US. So check it out!

www.marykay.com/sherrielynnclarke (whoops... there goes my blog name... ah well... :p)

I will try to not make this blog a Mary Kay promo-site, but I will also add this disclaimer... I just started a new business, and with that, it takes up a lot of my time, so I may tend to talk about it a lot right off the bat. I'll try to curb my enthusiasm for it though for times when you are talking to me on the phone begging for product! (haha...)

Bug's new skill

This is pretty exciting for me, though I can't attribute much of it to me. Mainly my mom started Bug with learning his letters really young in his life. But this is the result:

Me: "Bug, how do you spell Bug? (his real name, not his blog name)"
Bug: "B...U...G!!!" (once again, his real name...)

Me: "Bug, how do you spell Mom?"
Bug: "M...O...M!!" (the first time I asked him this he said "O...M...O!" lol)

Me: "Bug, how do you spell Dad?"
Bug: "D...E...D!!!" Pretty close for the first time... :)

I can't believe he is starting to know how to read and know how to spell. There are a few words that he can read like 'off' and I think he knows 'on' but he may just connect that with 'off'. I need to test him with a few words that he is learning with Starfall by writing them and asking him to read them without the routine that Starfall gives him. But there we have it ladies and gentlemen... he knows how to spell his name. And my title. :)

Mary Kay

Before I ever came in contact with the Mary Kay company, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw someone beautiful probably only 3 or 4 times. Maybe even 5. In my whole life. I ran into the Mary Kay company when I was 22. Despite what people would tell me about how I looked I never saw it. I never felt beautiful. Except those 3 or 4 (maybe MAYBE 5) times. And no. I'm not exaggerating. And if I am, it would be a very little bit.

I was shy.

I thought myself of little or no worth.

I certainly would never had met my full potential like that.

I won't waste your or my time explaining the journey to where I am now. I didn't even realize it was happening at first. I was a consultant for a different company at the time, and to be quite blunt, I sucked at it. I'm still not sure if I make a good sales person. But I can see and feel the difference in me. Everyday it seems like I can look in the mirror and see someone beautiful. Maybe it isn't the products. Maybe it is more my frame of mind. But when I look at myself and feel beautiful, I in turn feel good about myself. Maybe I'm vain. Who knows? The fact remains that when I look beautiful (and can actually see it myself), I feel beautiful, and that improves my mood, my outlook of who I am.

Whatever else Mary Kay is, it has helped me improve my self-esteem. I'm not sure what it is. The products... the breaking out of my shell... being more conscientious about my looks... I really don't know, and honestly, I don't think it really matters. What matters to me is the positive changes that have happened to me and that I can see for myself. THAT is why I started up again despite my fears. I can see the changes in me and want to help other women see the beautiful them. Despite what people may think, I did not start this back up to earn more money. Sure it will most assuredly help us. But that is not why I started again. I feel great and good about myself, and I want other women do the same. Most, if not all women need a self-esteem boost. I got mine from Mary Kay before I even became a consultant. And so I became a consultant to share my story and to help others see the good in them.

If I not make one cent in this business, I am and will always be grateful for what the company has done for me.

That's my story.

Big Giant Bunner

Yesterday morning, as I was getting me and the kids ready to go to Squirmy's two month appointment, Bug was having a giant imagination. Quite literally. There was a Big Giant Bunner (don't ask me what a Bunner is... it is the closest I can come to explaining what he was saying) in our house yesterday. Check that... there were two of them.

Back track... Bug and Rocket Scientist love to play hide and seek. Well... more like hide and tickle. They run around the apartment chasing each other and if one catches the other then tickling ensues. They have done this for months and months. Probably soon after Bug learned how to walk. I love watching it. In any case, Bug has recently started running to me for protection from Daddy. I don't know what started this, but it has happened nevertheless. I guess you could call me "home base". An imaginary bubble pops up around me, and when Bug is in my arms, nothing can get him. Not even Daddy. The only rule to this is if Bug reaches out and tickles Daddy while in the protective bubble, the bubble pops and Daddy can get him.

So, back to yesterday. Of course with a horrifying Big Giant Bunner in the house (I mean two of them) Bug would most assuredly run to me for protection. And sure enough, the bubble popped up and protected him from the Big Giant Bunners. When the Big Giant Bunners weren't looking, I coaxed Bug to get off my lap and fetch things like his pants, or his sandals, because Big Giant Bunners or no Big Giant Bunners... we had somewhere to go. He would always come running back to me with the Big Giant Bunners close on his heels. He was too fast for them which was good. I wouldn't want my cute little Bug eaten by a Big Giant Bunner...

Near the end of this excitement, Bug was about to go get something else. Maybe his shoes but I can't really remember. In any case, he seemed more nervous to go. Maybe because the Big Giant Bunners were staring right at us. I reached my finger out and said, "No Big Giant! No get my Bug!" Then Bug put his left hand up near his left shoulder and made a machine gun sound and got the Big Giant Bunners.

When we were all about ready to go, I convinced Bug to kiss the Big Giant Bunners better because they hurt. Then he gave them a hug and became good friends.

They stayed home as we went to the appointment. What would the neighbors think if they knew we had Big Giant Bunners in our apartment? They'd probably call the office and have us evicted...

"Which one... which one??"

Since no one will probably catch that movie quote, just imagine Esma from "The Emperor's New Groove".

Now my main question is.... can anyone guess who is who? I'll give you a hint... they are my two living boys. NOW guess! ^_^

Shay's check-up

After a hour and a half nap and another appointment, I'm feeling more awake, though I still feel pretty tired.

So.

This is what my doctor said. I took the survey thing to find out how I'm feeling in general. I was a 12. I guess the "warning zone" is 9-13. Ha. He also had me answer his own personal questions that I think he bases the decision on more. I was on the verge with that one too. So here is the compromise we have made. I need to be exercising everyday. I need to get my eating habits on a more regular schedule. And we will discuss how things are going when I go in for my appointment to put the IUD in. If before then I get too overwhelmed then I should call in and have him send a prescription to my pharmacy.

So that's that.

And here is Squirmy's numbers from his appointment.

Weight: 13 lbs. 5 oz.
Height: 24"
Head Circumference: 41.4 cm.

Everything is pretty well normal. He got immunized and he didn't like it one bit. He is sleeping a lot more right now (which I read on the paper they gave me can be a side effect. Hey... I'm good with it... when can he be immunized again????)

So yeah. That's that. Wish me luck in the next few weeks. I really don't want to be prescribed medication. And I think that with that fierce thought, I can fight it. Or at least have a motivation to fight it.

Quick Squirmy post

I am literally dead on my feet. Or maybe that should be dead on my bum? In any case I'm about to zonk out even while typing so this will be quick.

Squirmy had his two month appointment today like I said he would in my last post. Everything went great. At least until he had to get his shots. The poor kid. His growth is good. He is in the 75-90th percentile for everything... head, weight, and height. So he is all growing the same I guess. Anyway, I can't remember the numbers right now, and am too tired to go get the little paper (I'd probably fall down on the floor dead to the world before I got there). I will post them on my next post. I think his weight was 13.5 lbs. though. Quite the heavy chuncker.

Off I go to sleep.... *head falls on desk*

You know how it feels when the world is falling apart and you don't know what to do about it?

I don't really know what this post will be about... I just figured my readers (you *points*) would be pining after the loss of me posting everyday... heh... just kidding.

I've had a pretty rough life. Not as rough as some people. To others my life may seem like a horror film. I'm tough. I've survived. But I would like... no... love to go through my life without any depression medication. I don't really know why I feel this way. If one needs help, one should get it. I think I'm on the verge. Sitting on the fence. Sometimes falling off on the depressed side, sometimes jumping into the positive side. I'm trying to pin down what makes the difference between a depressed day and a positive one. I'm not really being able to figure it out.

Saturday was an.... ok day... a day where I was sitting on the fence all day swaying from one side to the other. Yet I exercised. I would have thought previously that it would have been a good day because of that. We got some things done. Laundry washed and folded (though not as complete as I would have liked as clothes are sitting in baskets waiting to be put away...) But my mood and my attitude was..... very mood swingy. Sometimes I'd be great, the next second I would be upset at Bug for some stupid reason.

Maybe it is sleep. I always am in a better mood in the morning if I got enough sleep the night before. But if that is the case, I don't know what to do about it. Some nights I just can't sleep. Not because I can't can't, but because Squirmy won't let me. Last night was a good night. If I wasn't feeding him, I was sleeping.

The good news minutes I think helped too. But I also think that after I stopped naming them it didn't feel quite the same, and I still had depressing posts.

I really don't know what to do.

Tomorrow is my "six week" check up with my doctor. It is also Squirmy's two month appointment. Oh, did I mention Squirmy is two months old today? He has already out grown (or should we call that out lived...? nah... I like out grown better...) Little Angel. At my six week check up after I had Little Angel my doctor (after I filled out a survey thing) said I was on the edge. He could prescribe some stuff or if I would be ok, he could let me leave the office still unprescribed for depression. I chose the latter. I almost think that if I do have to be put on medication, it would make me more depressed... just because I don't want to so bad and I would feel like a failure or something.

Side note, and kind of ironic... the day after my six week appointment with Little Angel, he died... I'm quite sure that he would have prescribed me had Little Angel died before the appointment... or maybe he wouldn't have... many people claimed I was quite strong after that experience.

Another side note... I haven't called Squirmy's doctor yet about the chocking thing... I guess I'll just talk to him about it at the appointment. He hasn't chocked on his own since that last experience though, so hopefully.... *crosses fingers* He still does it sometimes while I'm feeding him though.

One thing I love about my doctor is that he wants me on as little prescribed drugs as possible. I can't exactly remember the situation... but there was one time when he could have prescribed something for me, but didn't, based off of my own opinion that I would be ok. In actuality... the situation I'm describing is probably the postpartum depression thing. Yeah... it probably was.

I haven't been as close to my spiritual side lately either. Its like... I don't know why. I knew I needed help, and I knew that Christ would help me. But I never went to Him. I'm not really sure why. I'm trying to do better. I prayed last night for the first time in a while.

I know all this is pretty random, sorry about that... I'm just wanting to get my thoughts down I guess.

Exercise thoughts

I was realizing something today... the past few days haven't been the best of days. I also didn't exercise those days. Hmm... see a trend?

I exercised today and it was a better day. I got a few things done... I washed the dishes that were overflowing the sink, and started a load of dishes in the dishwasher. I didn't do much (or at least as much or more like... what I may have should have done) with my business, but I still feel pretty accomplished today.

One good and exciting thing that happened today is I got my inventory! I was really excited. Still am, but my mood is slowly slipping into sadness. Mainly (I suppose) because it feels to me like Rocket Scientist couldn't care less if we live in a pig sty or not. But oh well... I guess I can't talk much... I'm blogging for crying out loud... In any case, I was really excited for my inventory to arrive, and my one huge business task that I did today was go through all seven boxes, and check the items off of the list that was sent with them to make sure I had everything and that I didn't get extra stuff.

So that's that. I have survived another day.

Happiness and smiles everywhere

So this morning was rotten. This afternoon wasn't much better. Last night, it seemed nothing would content Squirmy. He wasn't even content after I fed him. I got little to no sleep last night. It didn't help my mood in the morning. My rotten mood and bad day continued into the afternoon. I won't bore you all by sharing all that happened today.

I just got back from my first skin care class since I started up again with Mary Kay. It had one person there, but we still had a fun time. I felt like I did a good job closing the class and it has helped my mood considerably. As a new consultant I did take notes while the sales director conducted the class. I had no one to help me close though, but I still felt like I did a good job. The last post I talked about Mary Kay, I did say that I was more excited this time. I am feeling more confident in myself, and that is a very good thing. I am slowly seeing myself improve in confidence among other things. Which is why I am starting again in this. I'm happy to see so much difference in me so soon. I can't believe that just this little thing has changed my day so quickly.

Time to feed Squirmy.

"I'm just having a day..."

There is a series that my mother and I love. Road to Avonela. It is just a bunch of stories about a family that live in Avonela and it is staged after the Anne of Green Gables story. Later on in the series the mother of this family is going through the "empty nest" phase. She explains to her husband, "I'm just having a day..."

And so am I. Just having a day. Nothing seemed to get me up out of my slump day. I tried... I did a few things that I thought would help... Rocket Scientist even got home from the store and surprised me with a cherry (waking me up, but the cherry was worth it). I think he is hiding them from me though since I don't know where the rest are, and he can't buy just one cherry at the store...

So after this whole day, I think my only good news from the day was that little solitary cherry. I wish I knew where the rest are. But I guess I'll either have to search the whole apartment or bully Rocket Scientist into spilling the beans and telling me where they are.

A little worried...

After we got home from church today, I was feeling some achiness in my chest area. It was a little lower than my lungs so I didn't think it had to do with that. Well, besides the fact that it would come and go depending on my breathing.

I just woke up from a two hour nap (during such I didn't feel any achiness at all) and almost immediately after I sat up, the achiness returned. But it had moved. Now I am quite certain it is coming from my lungs.

For quite a while I have had a cough. I may or may not have mentioned on here what I call "my chronic cough". I really do. When I met Rocket Scientist's parents on Thanksgiving of the year 2004, I guess I was coughing. Because my now mother-in-law said sometime during the wedding activities (June 2005) that I have been coughing since I met her. I never knew that. I just... coughed. I didn't realize how long it has been going on.

On to my current cough. Yes, it is worse. It is usually filled with congestion. Every. Little. Cough. I think this has been going on for..... a month... maybe longer. I can't really remember. I don't keep track of these things. Which is why I didn't realize I had a chronic cough in the first place. When I first got the more congested cough I think I had a cold or something. And so I passed it off as part of the cold, and would soon go away. Well, as you know, it didn't go away. Maybe it got worse... maybe it is the same as it was when I got it. Who knows? Maybe it even got better since I first got it.

One more little side note/introduction before I get into the meat of this post. Since I don't really know how many people who read this know. If you find yourself asking yourself, "Why do you even have a chronic cough? Isn't that enough to be worried about?" well... not really would be my answer. I have had pneumonia about five times (I think I lost count somewhere along the way) for five consecutive winters. The sixth winter after all these bouts of pneumonia I had bronchitis and haven't had a single stitch of either of them since. To which I contribute a herbal remedy my mom found called "Clear lung". Some Chinese thing...

This all happened when I was in my junior high/high school years. If anyone knows anything about lung diseases is that when you get one, your lungs never fully heal. They get weaker and weaker every single time you get a disease. My lungs..... are pretty bad off on their own. If I continue to play my trumpet... I'm still ok. Because it strengthens them. Though I am in the process of testing this... if I do aerobic exercise, it should help strengthen my lungs as well. Or so my OB said on one of the appointments I asked him about it this last pregnancy.

So... the title of this post is "'A little worried..." and so I am. With this added achiness in my lungs... I believe I have reason to worry. It could just be the fact that they aren't strengthened enough. It could be that I have a cold or something. I'm not sure what it is. Last summer (click here if you wish to see the actual post right after it happened...) I felt sure I had pneumonia. It felt exactly the same. Sharp pain in my lungs, couldn't breathe... the whole deal. We went to the instacare, and they x-rayed me, declared my lungs clear of anything. Gave me medication for pain killers and sent me on my merry little way (once I was stabilized) not telling me what had caused the pain. They seemed stumped. What were those eight years at college for huh??? One thing they did say, is that if happened again to go to the ER, for it may be a blood clot in the lung and they can't test for it at the instacare. They don't have the equipment.

So my theories are thus: It could be that my lungs just need a little trumpet playing pick me up. Or it could maybe even possibly be pneumonia or bronchitis. Or scarier still... it could be a blood clot. Very worry worthy.

Another worry in my life right now... I'm planning on calling the pediatrics tomorrow... Last night sometime little Squirmy was gasping or chocking on something. Remember me mentioning that he would do this while eating? Well... he did it while still laying in his cradle last night. I don't really know what to say on this point. Seriously. I'm sitting here with my fingers over the keys wondering what to write. (and for any family members out there thinking snide comments... OBVIOUSLY I'm not hovering over the keys wondering what to write while I'm typing.)

Something though that MIGHT have an effect on Squirmy's condition. After Squirmy did that last night, I also heard Rocket Scientist do something odd. I don't know how his breathing was before this, but he took a big almost gasping breath and continued onward. I have heard of something like... Sleep apnea... but I have no idea what it is. But as far as I understand it... your body is so into the sleep that you stop breathing for a while... then take a big breath like Rocket Scientist did last night... then you are back on a regular breathing schedule.

This is all speculation... But like I said... I will be calling the pediatrician tomorrow about Squirmy.

On a happier note... I got a nap today! Which is normal for a Sunday afternoon, but welcome just the same. Another happy/exciting part of my life right now... I resigned with Mary Kay! I'm also anxious and nervous. I worry about not doing. I didn't do last time I tried this. But I sincerely believe that in doing this business I can help other women. And no... I don't mean to help other women spend money. Many out there don't need any help. But I can see the positive changes that have happened in my life from Mary Kay. From the wonderful women I will be working with. I wish to help other women see how wonderful and beautiful they are. I'm not a huge make-up fan. But to see the good points in one woman's face and let her know that. Even just that simple gesture is what I strive to do. We claim not to paint one's face to their ideal face, but rather to, through make-up, accentuate the positive.

I'm excited to start back up. Really I am. I think this time... the excitement is overpowering the nervous and anxious feelings. I have a goal in mind. A reachable goal. And one that I am very excited for. I don't ever remember going to a hot-springs see? And my goal is to go to one and spend the night (without children of course) with my hubby sometime in December. I really wanted to go to one one day while pregnant with Squirmy... but then Rocket Scientist shot that happy balloon down with the fact that pregnant people shouldn't be in a hot tub. Which is certainly correct and I couldn't fight back with anything.

So that is that. Good news is happening though my mind is very troubled for all of our health. And THAT is healthy for my mental state of mind.

Good newses... among other things.

For those who are wondering... I will keep the good newses going on here. I honestly don't know what I would write about besides that. And it might be too hard to keep up with multiple blogs. So... they stay.

I will not however continue to call them "GNM #". It is boring to even me. I will keep my posts positive (or at least as positive as I can on harder days) and try to mention a good news every day like I have before. That said... on to the post!

Today was the first day we were able to have a non-baby date. We even had someone come to watch the kids. I owe them cookies. Or butter-flake rolls.... what would you prefer? We went to watch Harry Potter. I loved it. After the horrible make of the third movie, I was quite impressed with this one. It was as good as the first two. Oh.... that MIGHT have something to do with it being the same director.... hmm..... I wish he would have done all of them. The third book is my favorite. I was really disappointed in the movie.

Another good thing with this... there were no complaints from the babysitters when we got home. I'm not quite sure if that is because they are so nice and kind they wouldn't have said anything went wrong or if nothing really went wrong. In any case, they said that Bug slept most of the time (due to no nap day today...) and that Squirmy slept most of the time as well. I was worried Squirmy would have one of his scream fests while we were gone.

Another good thing with this... I'm full of them today, huh? Squirmy gave me some really big smiles when I got home. It felt nice that he recognizes me (or at least my voice) and love me enough to give me big smiles when I get back from an extended period of time.

Some more thoughts as far as good news goes... we went to the store after the movie because were out of dishwasher detergent (and we all know not to put Joy in the dishwasher). While there I was kind of pining after the fact that we shouldn't (because the babysitters were waiting for us to come home) and couldn't (because of the tightness of finances) go out to eat after the movie. I was hoping we could get some sort of snack that we wouldn't normally get. I hadn't had Oreos in a while, and started craving them. We walked past them. I'm inclined to think Rocket Scientist would have given in to me had I put them in the cart. But as I stared at them, I saw fat. And I imagined my little Wii Fit graph going up. I sadly sighed and walked on. Then excitedly decided to get cherries instead. But then I remembered that the particular store we were at wasn't noted for it's produce. Would I rather have good cherries than no cherries at all? I guess so. We left the store without a single impulse buy.

Good news? Sort of. I was really looking forward to some sort of snack. And I'm really sad I can't get Oreos without imagining my thighs getting fatter. I don't think that is because of this blog, though that is why I started it and named it thus. I think it is more my frame of mind of losing weight. But in any case, I seem to be in a healthier frame of mind. I just wish I knew of snacks that I really loved that were still healthy for me. Like cherries. But from a better produce store...

Now I guess I will sign off as my cute little three year old terror is screaming and giving Rocket Scientist an unneeded headache. Oh, and kicking the walls... yeah... he likes to do that when he is mad...

GNM 20

Lots of good news happening today!

Last night Squirmy ate at 10:30 and we all went to bed. Squirmy didn't wake up until THREE!!!!!!! Wahoo!!!!!!!! It felt great!

Probably due to all the sleep I got last night, I felt energized enough to get up at 6 today, work out on the Wii Fit, and shower before Bug woke up. I did so. It felt great. :)

Also, today while partying with Cat for her birthday, one of her guests said, "I almost didn't recognize you! You lost a lot of weight!" Now, I know that most of it was Squirmy (the last time I saw her I was still preggo) but it still felt wonderful to hear those blessed words!

GNM 19

My good news minute today is that my mom lives close enough for me to escape to her house when I'm too stressed/angry/frustrated with my kids to the point where I worry about hurting them.

To my mother's house or bust!

GNM 17 & 18

First things first:

I'm imagining I'm boring you all with these good news minutes, and contemplating starting a new blog for JUST good news minutes. If I did would you check it? Would you then have to read two blogs of my dreary life? Comment your thoughts and let me know. If you don't really care to read my good news minutes, you wouldn't have to. I do them mainly for me which is why I'm thinking of starting a new blog. Let me know your thoughts please.

Yesterday's good news minute:

Who knew that homemade mac n' cheese leftovers, a lb of ground beef, and two cans of tomato soup (one progresso one cambells) would taste SO GOOD?!!?!?!?!? And sad to say this is my good news minute... I kind of had a blah/lazy/not-so-good-mothering kind of day yesterday. But that was my good news minute. I knew my hubby could pull this meal off. He is amazing at improv cooking. We had leftover mac n' cheese and no ketchup! And for those who know me... I can't stand mac n' cheese without ketchup on it! So I was envisioning this kind of meal when I thought of dinner that night, and told Rocket Scientist what I was envisioning and I knew it. He brought it to life. It was so tasty. Try it out sometime... and if you need my mom's amazing mac n' cheese recipe... let me know! ^_^

Today:

Hmm.... not much has really happened today yet. The apartment is amazingly still standing and in good shape. You can still walk around without jumping over a million things. I guess that could count as good news. I'm keeping up with keeping stuff off the floor. I'm not perfect yet... still one project of changing around the clothes (any other mothers hate this chore?? you know... they grow out of what they are wearing and you need to rotate clothes?) that is laying around. But hey. It is out of the usual walking area, and there really isn't that much. So in general... I guess my good news minute for today is that the apartment is still liveable and not a pig sty. ^_^

And here is a few pictures to help promote a good news minute for you! ^_^

I really can't believe how big he is! It makes me smile when I see his belly like this. Call us cruel, but sometimes we call him a beached whale! :)




















It just makes you smile, doesn't it?

GNM 16

I'm putting myself out there with this post, but I just feel like it today. Don't ask me why...

My good news minute is thus:

When I did the body test today on the Wii Fit I didn't hear the words, "That's obese!". When the game weighs you they put your weight and height to the BMI scale. Ever since I started using the Wii Fit, I have heard "That's obese!" after they weighed me. But like I said earlier... my weight was steadily going down, though it jumped up every once in a while. Today though... It was "That's overweight!" Hurrah!!!!!!! Progress is a wonderful feeling. ^_^

Disclaimer:

I know I just had a baby so my weight shouldn't bother me... but I was overweight when I became pregnant, so it is mainly my fault anyway. I'm just glad things are happening now. ^_^

Oh... one last post

Just to update you on my afghan... (if anyone ever really wonders...) I finished it! I will be submitting it for the State Fair as well. Here is a picture for you all... It is bigger than the picture shows. If you click on it, zoom in, and look at the church. There are big windows and smaller windows. The smaller ones have only one color surrounded by a black outline. THAT is how small the stitches are. So in case you are far away from me and can't see it in person... that gives you a bit of an idea how big this thing is. I can't believe I finished it. Ask my mom... I'm a better starter than a finisher.

Well... here's the pic.

Ode to Wii Fit

For Mother's Day, Father's Day, my birthday, Rocket Scientist's birthday, AND our anniversary, we combined them all together, and we bought.... a Wii, and a Wii Fit. One gift for all those together. It was well worth it.

My weight may be going up and down and every time it goes back up I get a little depressed, but looking back on the graph that the Wii Fit has... when I go back up, I never go over the previous peak on my little graph that looks like the Rocky Mountains. I am steadily going down. What an amazing thing! I'm glad I have a graph to look at otherwise I would just give up. I'm quite sure of it.

Not only that, but the Yoga poses and even the balance game where you sit on the little balance board and basically meditate has kept me sane. I may have been bad enough off that I could have been prescribed some medication for postpartum depression, but I don't think I'm that bad off anymore... Honestly, I don't know if the relaxing Yoga poses or the meditation alone help keep me sane or if it is just the fact that I'm working out. In any case, while I was sitting on the couch this morning feeding Squirmy and Rocket Scientist was getting Bug ready for church, I just felt... or more like I realized... that our home is more peaceful. It feels less stressed and contentious. And I owe it to my frame of mind, and I owe THAT to the Wii Fit.

Also... side note regarding the Wii Fit... after you do a Body Test (where they weigh you and all that) in one day, you can stand on the balance board holding something, and they will tell you how much that weighs. Well.. just for fun I thought I'd find out how much my children weigh...

Bug: 28 lbs.
Squirmy: 12 lbs.

I recently read one of my friends blogs and she said that her daughters weight at her four month appointment was 12 lbs. Squirmy isn't even 2 months yet! Either her daughter is really light, Squirmy is really heavy, or the doctor's (or the balance board) scale is really messed up. Or maybe just the first two are correct. I thought it was quite strange... I will weigh him on the Wii Fit on the day of his two month appointment to see just how accurate it is.... we'll have to see won't we...

Three cheers for the Wii Fit!!!

GNM 14 & 15

We went to bed early yesterday so I forgot to do my good news minute...

Yesterday:

Yesterday was an overall good day. I don't think I could narrow down anything to just one or even a few good news minutes because the whole day could be considered "good news". But let me think back and see if I can't find some highlights...

I got some exersize on the Wii Fit, we FINALLY got our apartment cleaned... vacuumed, floors moped... the works. Two of my brothers visited (neither of which check my blog... *sadface*), I got to go swimming... most of the laundry done... like I said.... it was an overall good day. Any funny quotes though have escaped me like they always do (which is why I hardly update my "Wise sayings (yeah, I call 'em wise sayings)" section of my blog. Just overall productive, and well worth it!

Today:

I got set apart for my new calling! And let me tell you... I really needed that blessing. I have been very troubled in my soul the last few weeks and felt... lost. Confused... and worried I was losing my faith. I didn't know what to do, or where to turn to. I am trying to keep up with my mom's ever needed advice to "Go forth with faith" but sometimes... I just don't know what to do. I am trying to turn around, and not give up... to go forth with faith... and to do my very best. And the blessing I got today for my new calling (enrichment committee member) has given me the courage and the strength I need to continue on. Even though I feel like I'm in darkness.

And THAT my friends... is very good news.

GNM 13

Squirmy's sleeping, and hubby is heading to bed as well so I'll keep it quick.

We got a TON done today in cleaning up our apartment. We have been living in a pig sty (literally) for weeks. There is still stuff to be done, like put clean clothes fresh from the laundry away and a few toys here and there. Plenty of junk on our desks, but we got a lot done. It was refreshing and exhausting at the same time.

Also, thanks to the Wii Fit, my weight is slowly getting lower. I won't share much on that score, but I'm glad to have something to help me with that. Another bonus with the Wii Fit... it helps keep me sane. The yoga poses have helped considerably, and I find I have better days when I do excersize. Not sure if it is just the action of doing something, or if the yoga itself helps. But in any case... it helps a lot.

Good night world. Pray for a night full of sleep for me.

GNM 12

Ok, so this might be a bit silly sounding, but remember... I AM sick... this just kind of made my day.

I have a Bacefook account, and one of my friends just recently changed their status, saying that she changed the language of the site to English (pirate) and announced how others could do it. Well, I did it, and it made me laugh really hard. It is quite hilarious... anyway... so that is my good news minute for the day. ^_^

GNM 11

Well, seeing as I got mastitis this afternoon and still feel a little fevery even after my first pill, I think I will pull my good news minute from the morning hours.

*contemplates...*

Not sure what it will be...

Rocket Scientist came in in the early morning hours, and took Squirmy out of the room so I could get some sleep. Thankfully Bug let me get some sleep too.

I guess that is it...

G'night one and all...

July activities

Disclaimer... prepare yourself to LOTS of pictures. You have been warned.

A few things we have been up to:

Ward Luau:

Some fun videos. They called all the men up to do this dance, so Rocket Scientist isn't the only one up there making a fool of himself. :) I know they all look the same, but I'm putting them all on here because they all have funnies in all of them and I couldn't decide which one to do. And yes. I got Rocket Scientist's permission to put this on. I'm not going to be in trouble for this. What a good sport. Watch them in order or you will spoil the ending. ^_^









Family reunion (Shay's side):

Here are some pictures of the fun time we had camping with my family.

Bubble fun! Don't you just LOVE the face Bug is making here?
















They are all so transfixed!
















I love the face Bug is making in this one too, and wish it wasn't fuzzy.
















A candid shot of my mom, brother, and soon to be sister-in-law.
















Little Squirmy
















The cute little Bug




















Squirmy doing what he does best. Squirming in the front seat. I don't even really remember taking this pic...




















Playing in the lake near where we were camping. I'm surprised how willing he was to hold still for pictures.




















What an adorable smile!
















He enjoyed throwing the mud back into the water... a little too much fun I may add... I think he was trying to attack the water for constantly coming up and hitting him.
















After fun at the lake we stopped for a bite to eat before we headed back to camp. My nephew (shown here) laid down on his mom's lap (without even finishing his shake!! *gasp!*) and within thirty seconds was asleep. His mom loved it (I did too, I admit...) and we took a picture of him since she didn't know where her camera was.
















24th of July parade:

Bug's first... well not first... but possibly the first time he will remember it, or at the very least the name of it, parade. Most definitely Squirmy's first parade. Well, here are the pics.

I just love his smile!
















This pic was taken by my silly brother and it inspired him to take...




















...this one which actually turned out pretty cool in my opinion.
















Like I said... I can't get over his smile!
















Waving the flag.
















Me and my hot self. Hey look at that! My glasses really ARE transition! It is hard for me to tell sometimes, you know?
















The cute little Bug
















Ain't my dad fun?
















Squirmy in Grandma's arms.
















Squirmy holding the flag. Ok, not really... but it kinda looks like that right?