Can I have some?

welcome to my blog.

a place to post. a place to eat oreos. a place to vent. a place to heal.

i started this blog so i could use a different outlet besides munching on fattening oreos. as if that has done any good... *mind wanders to oreo package in the house...*

then i realized that oreos can be semi symbolic. if you are are that crazy about oreos that is. which... i am.

eating oreos is therapeutic for me. when i am struggling or when i need a pick me up. they have chocolate. and sugar. both of which help lift my mood. not to mention that i eat them soaked with milk, which is my miracle drink.

i post my posts to not only get stuff out. there may be people who read my blog who have been in the same kind of situations as i have. i hope reading them and knowing that others have gone through things like i have, will be to you what eating oreos does to me.

and yes. i didn't capitalize anything in here. i just felt like it. deal with it.

munch up.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

1 day

BWAAAAAAA!!!! It's official... I'm going crazy.... ok.... breathe Shay.... we'll get through this.....

I have a few minutes before a dentist appointment, so here is what we accomplished yesterday:

Tell magazines new address. Well... we told one.
Tell Mary Kay new address. Well... I told my director....
Pack more food.

What is on agenda for today:

Dentist appointment for Bug. (tell office new address)

Prevent freaking out.
Tell Mary Kay (company... I told my director yesterday) new address.
Prevent freaking out.
Pack up computer stuff.
Prevent freaking out.
Pack up cords and things in the entertainment center.
Prevent freaking out.
Call internet company and see if that is straitened out.
Prevent freaking out.
Tell DMV (thanks for the heads up Tina!!) new address.
Prevent freaking out.
Pack stuff in closet (towels/blankets/wrapping paper).
Prevent freaking out.
Go through corners of stuff that we missed and pack/give away.
Prevent freaking out.
Wash all dishes and pack what we won't need.
Prevent freaking out.
Clean, clean, clean!

It doesn't look like we did much yesterday, but we really did. Most of our food (besides fridge/freezer food) is packed away. A ton better than the day before. Still.... why do I feel like we are way behind? Why does my mind go on overdrive at night so I can't sleep? Why does it feel like we should be a whole lot further along? Why does my feet or hands or both have to be moving at all times??


Wednesday, April 29, 2009


These are a few pics that we got at the doctor's today:

He's still a boy:

A pretty good profile shot:

And now he is attempting to eat through the umbilical cord... (not really seeing as it isn't in his mouth, but it sure looks like he's about to try...)

Other happenstances at the appointment today, the ultrasoundest person said that he was weighing about 4 pounds, and that everything looks great. So here's to healthy babies!

By the way... the umbilical cord is the little bubbly looking thing... if you can't really see it on the last picture, look at the profile one again...

2 days

Wow. Is it really two days away???

*shakes head*

Ok. What we accomplished yesterday (if you are getting sick of reading this, I understand. It helps me keep focused though...):

Doctor's appointment. (telling the office new address)
Set up power.

De-junk (again) stuff that piled up on entertainment center.
Laundry. Trust me, it NEEDED to get done.
Got more cardboard boxes.
Packed more food.

On agenda for today:

Tell magazines new address.
Tell Mary Kay new address.
(both can be done online...with two busy errand days in a row, we need a break)
Pack more food.
Pack stuff in closet (towels/blankets/wrapping paper).
Go through corners of stuff that we missed and pack/give away.

Wash all dishes and pack what we won't need.
Clean, clean, clean!

Whew... that's a hefty list. I got rid of the more optional section because the deadline is coming up, I can't keep prolonging those other things.

Oh, I remembered the forgotten Bugisim that I was wanting to post on that post a little bit ago. Here it is:

We were eating homemade mac n' cheese, and we all usually put ketchup on it, for some reason, Rocket Scientist didn't put Bug's ketchup ON his mac n' cheese, he put it to the side so Bug could dip. Seemed ok at first. But then the mac n' cheese got stuck in the ketchup pool, and Bug couldn't get it out. He insisted on stabbing it to get it out, instead of scooping, and it was causing a lot of strife. He would literally freak out that it wasn't doing what he wanted to. I tried to be reasonable and explain to him that getting upset wouldn't help. It kind of worked, until another one got stuck in the ketchup. Eventually I gave up and mixed his food all together. But THEN he started to get upset with the fact that the mac n' cheese wouldn't stay on his food. But maybe he got some sort of lesson from me saying it wouldn't help to get mad, because then he said (here comes the Bugism), "No! No mac n' cheese! No fall!"

More Bugisms:

Yesterday, as we were running errands, stop lights were inevitable. At every red light though, Bug chants "Turn green! Turn green!" mainly because of our trying to teach him that red means stop and green means go. Anyway, after one of the lights turned green Bug said, "Yeah! Good job green!" (then in a high pitched voice) "Thank you!"

One more thing:

I did have my doctor's appointment yesterday, and for any of you that were freaking out, breathe. The little air pockets (or rather liquid sacs or something... at least that is what the ultrasoundest said yesterday) were gone. I will post pics of the ultrasounds once I get them scanned. One of them is really quite cute. He was still kind of hiding so we couldn't get very many good shots, but he still let us get a few good profiles.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

3 days

What we accomplished yesterday:

Tell our banks our new address.
Change our gas account to have new address.
Tell work new address.
Go through food and plan what we will pack. (we actually ended up packing some of it)
Pack games.

On agenda for today:

Doctor's appointment. (telling the office new address)
Set up power.
Wash all dishes and pack what we won't need.

Things we will do if we get to it:

De-junk (again) stuff that piled up on entertainment center.
Pack stuff in closet (towels/blankets/wrapping paper).
Go through corners of stuff that we missed and pack/give away.
Clean, clean, clean!

Other things that happened yesterday:

I know I posted before that we set up our internet and phone at the new apartment. Well yesterday the company called us and said we wouldn't be able to get internet at that apartment. They "ran out" I believe was what Rocket Scientist told me while they were still on the phone. I was quite upset. How could they "run out" or what in the world does that even mean?? All our decisions of changing the cell phone company we were on, what company we went with for internet, adding a land line, EVERYTHING depended on each other. I was quite upset, and my day never was all that great after that. I hardly slept much last night because of this stupid situation. Internet is what we were really wanting. We already had purchased it, why not tell us then??

Because we were so upset about the situation (me more than Rocket Scientist) the person on the phone finally admitted that she didn't really understand the situation either, and why we couldn't get internet because people in the same apartment building are getting service from them. I guess that she said something about checking it out, and seeing if they could change the situation. We are still in limbo. I think that if we can't get internet with this company, we won't get any service from them. At least until we would be able to get internet. The land line would have been nice, but we can also live from cell phones. So yeah. Until we know if we can get internet from this company or not, we are in limbo. I HATE being in limbo. Especially if I can't do anything about it. It drives me crazy. Which is why I didn't get any sleep last night. The whole situation was running through my mind (or maybe I was dreaming about it or something) ALL NIGHT!!!

Add on the fact that we might have to go with a different company for internet which we SO don't want to do, or go without internet, which I REALLY don't want to do... yeah.....

"This is all very extrEMEly vexing!"

Bugisms: 5

"You're Goofy." (said after I called him a silly goose)

"Hi tools!" "Hi Bug!" (second part said in a high pitched voice, and of course, he said his actual name seeing as he doesn't call himself his nickname)

Oh blast, there was another one, but I prolonged this post too long. I can't remember it now... Maybe I'll remember it and post it for you...

Monday, April 27, 2009

4 days

So. On the agenda for today:

Tell our banks our new address.
Change our gas account to have new address.
Tell work new address.

Go through food and plan what we will pack.
Wash all dishes and pack what we won't need.

Things if we get to them:

Pack games and other stuff in the closet.
De-junk (again) stuff that piled up on entertainment center.
Go through corners of stuff that we missed and pack/give away.
Clean, clean, clean!

Wish me luck.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


So after that slightly depressing post, I thought I'd counteract it with one that was a bit more upbeat.

To start things off. I just peeked outside and it isn't snowing anymore. What crazy weather!

Anyway, I failed to mention our biggest accomplishment yesterday. We called a company to ask questions that arose while looking for internet. After that, we went to their store and purchased it! We have a new phone number, internet, and I will be getting a new cell phone to boot. While Rocket Scientist was getting it all set up though, I took Bug into a store right next to the booth in the mall (to prevent him from running around the booth, easily available to anyone who would want to pick him off and run...). The store I took him to just happened to be a maternity store. I wanted to find a few shirts that were more springy. I only had two shirts that were brighter colors. One was a sweater thing with a hood. Yeah. Not what I would wear on a nice spring day.

I walked in the store and was almost immediately sprung upon by a salesperson asking what I was looking for. I made it difficult for her. Not necessarily on purpose, but I think she gave up on me pretty quick because of it. I was looking for something springy. But I don't like wearing bright colors. I prefer blues, greens, purples. The cool colors. Yellows, oranges, and reds don't look so good on me. I'm getting more comfortable in reds though. I have a few pink shirts that I really like, and wear my MH red T-shirt on occasion.

In any case, soon I was browsing on my own. Conveniently this store has a bin of toys. Something I forgot when I was trying to avoid kid-nappers. Bug was sufficiently occupied. Then another salesperson sprung on me. I said the same thing as I did to the last one, but this one didn't give up on me. It was quite funny watching her trying to find something that I liked. She kept saying, "You can say no." which I did often. In any case, she was able to find at least three outfits that I really liked. Two of which were dresses, which is something I have been laking on. Best yet, almost every one of these outfits are change-able. They have things like undershirts, or overshirts. One of the dress outfits I got was a way cute jumper that I can put something over, under, or both, and it still is wonderfully cute.

While checking out, she asked if we were still at the same apartment. I told her yes, but that we were moving in about a week. I decided to just update it then. I gave her the new address and everything. Then she started to ask if it was a nice place and I told her it had a pool (one of the first things I mention to someone who asks...), and maybe that struck a chord with her or something. I had even told her the name of the apartments, and maybe that was what struck the chord. In any case, she realized that it was in her ward. I thought it was quite funny. What strange circumstances to meet a soon to be fellow ward member.

5 days

Today, being Sunday, we aren't really planning on doing much packing or any. We are still planning on cleaning (at least the kitchen) since that is pretty much a daily chore anyway if you plan to keep on top of having a non messy kitchen.

What a crazy day today. We went to church all dolled up in our new maternity clothes (or rather, I was the only one who did that...) ready to conduct the music after being asked to sub. I had my cane with me. Back problems, no. Hip problems...... for some reason, it feels as if my leg is not "in" where it is supposed to be or something. I don't know what caused this, what it even is, or how to fix it. So I walk with a cane.

The first hymn was ok. I hobbled to the stand and conducted just fine. During the sacrament hymn... I started to feel faint. When I said I could conduct the music in replacement for the person who was supposed to, I forgot that the past three or four Sundays, I have spent my sacrament meetings outside in the foyer because it was too hot for me in the chapel. The fact that I was wearing a fancy jacket type thing (that I couldn't take off because of the shoulders I was covering) didn't help the situation. I toughed it out though, and made it through the song, almost leaning on my cane through it.

When I went to sit down after the sacrament had been passed, I leaned over to Rocket Scientist and told him the situation. Unless this faintness went away, I wouldn't be able to conduct anymore, and I knew that. Stupid, silly me saying I could, when I was most definitely not fit for the job. Behind me was a music major so I asked her to conduct the rest for me. I left. I sat outside in the foyer again, and when Rocket Scientist came back from changing Bug's diaper, we discussed our options. Not normally, the faintness was not going away, but rather, getting worse. I moved to the entryway. Three walls of glass, one of them pointed to the church, the other two subject to the elements. It was snowing. It felt nice there. I could actually breathe. We decided that Rocket Scientist should take me home.

I felt retarded. I felt lame. I felt stupid. I felt very sad. I had a new outfit on that I wanted people to notice. This was most likely our last Sunday at this ward. And me. Stupid, handicapped me, had to go home early, without really getting to talk to anyone. Without.... anything really. I didn't hear the talks, though I knew what they were about since I was the music coordinator and I picked the hymns to match the subject.

When Rocket Scientist drove me home, it wasn't snowing anymore. I slept (or at least tried) through the rest of church until they came home. I just got back from visiting teaching. Laying down for more than two hours didn't seem to help, so I figured I'd just brave my stupid hip and go. It wasn't like I was feeling faint anymore anyway.

It was sunny when we walked to the apartment we visit taught at. When we left (about an hour and a half later.... we tend to talk a lot... hehe) it was snowing. Great. Big. Flakes. Of. Snow.

What a crazy day. And here I thought it was supposed to rain all weekend long, not snow... At least the ground is warm enough still that it isn't sticking. Yet.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

6 days

We are having a pretty productive day. Laundry is getting done, dishes washed, table cleared off, even some grown out of clothes of Bug have been packed away. I even managed to put my hair in pig tails again. Hurrah for hair off the neck!!!

We have more things on our to-do list for today, but as of right now we are both taking a breather. Rocket Scientist is washing off some of the grime of the day, and I'm vegging on the computer. Well... to each his own.

Also, I wanted to post how Bug's 3 year appointment went yesterday seeing as I forgot to post it yesterday with it being so late at night, and all that. As always, Bug charmed every single nurse there. Yesterday was the first time they tested his sight. I was quite proud to say that yes, he knows his shapes (even though he also knew his letters and could have done the one we all do instead of the shape one on the other side...), but also because Bug got some that even I had to squint for (I was next to Bug holding the eye cover to his eye). With both eyes open. AND with glasses. Hmm.... maybe it is a time for a trip to the eye doctor??

Needless to say, he was 20/20. How does a kid who comes from parents who both have glasses get a 20/20?? Well, maybe his vision will start to go down like mine was. My 6th grade teacher noticed me squinting at the chalkboard one day and then he tattled on me. Ah well... I guess it is all for the best...

Anyway, other than that, Bug doesn't need any more immunizations until kindergarten, he was growing fine, didn't want to show off his talking skills to the doctor but rather his counting skills, he held nice and still for the eye, ear, and mouth examination, and even didn't make one single sound as the doctor listened to his heart and lungs. He also even got his blood pressure checked for the first time, and he thought it was the coolest thing ever. As always, my (almost) perfect little boy passed everything with flying colors. At least he is so good. I doubt I'll be blessed with two such easy going children... *shudders at what might be coming...*

Friday, April 24, 2009

One week to go...

So here we are at the end of another tiring day. I don't know if I got any sleep last night. Once my brain realized that the next day was Friday, my brain exploded in a storm of things that need to be done before we move in ONE WEEK!

So, things accomplished today: Closet doors (that were once stored outside so my computer desk could go in the closet) have been cleaned and returned to their proper spot. We made a to-do list of things that need to be done that aren't as seeable as packing and cleaning. Things like setting up internet, transferring gas to new apartment, informing places of new address... those things have been put on a weekly plan sheet thing and each have a day and we will do them that day. If that didn't get done, none of those things might not have gotten done either.

We didn't really pack anything, but things were completed that needed to happen. I'm happy about that, but as always, I wish we could have done more.

Now I will veg in front of the TV watching M*A*S*H and eating ice cream.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Packing and Preggo Update

I don't really know what this post will be about, but I'll try and keep to the title so I don't spend time babbling.

Rocket Scientist keeps telling me that he thinks we are doing great as far as packing is concerned. That we are on schedule or better. I don't know if he is telling me this to bring down my stress or because it is true. I sure don't feel like I'm moving in a week and a half. Both of our computers are still out. By the end of LAST week we should have had my desk taken apart and ready to go as well as the doors to the closet (yes, my desk is in a closet) back up and clean. But I sit here at my own desk (instead of having my computer set up at Rocket Scientist's desk and his packed), in a closet with the doors still outside collecting all sorts of gunk.

This week is packing stuff and cleaning in Bug's room and the bathroom. Has anything happened with that? No. It is already the middle of the week! My only excuse is that we have had such nice weather that I spent basically all day outside. All morning into the afternoon, we were out playing with friends. Then we came in (red and crispy.... forgot sunscreen), and cooled off for a bit, then went out almost immediately afterward to run errands. No packing done that day... I am determined to not do the same thing today.

Anyway, I could list off a huge list of things that I feel we are behind on. Yet Rocket Scientist thinks we are doing great. How come I'm not feeling so optimistic?

Enough of that. Onto my preggo update. As far as I know, baby is doing fine. He wiggles quite often. My next appointment is Tuesday and not only is it an appointment, but it is also another ultrasound. The last two pregnancies we only had two ultrasounds. The very first one, then the one where we find out the sex of the baby. This time we are having another one at the 32nd week. Reason for the change is a little silly in my opinion. But important nevertheless.

At the ultrasound appointment at 20 weeks to find out the sex of baby, the nurse pointed out some air pockets in baby's brain. When my doctor talked to me about it, he said that usually after baby gets bigger, the air pockets go away. He also said that baby's with down syndrome have air pockets in the brain. My doctor is pretty confidant that the air pockets will go away like he predicted. He used the analogy that in the summer, drowning goes up. Also, ice cream consumption goes up as well. But just because the two happen, it doesn't mean they are connected. There were no other signs from the ultrasound that baby has down syndrome. This ultrasound at 32 weeks is just to reassure me that the air pockets go away and to stop me from freaking out. But does it sound like I'm freaking out?? If my doctor says they will go away, and that there were no other symptoms of down syndrome, I'm not going to raise my blood pressure for it.

So anyway, on Tuesday, we have our next appointment/ultrasound. And I'm not freaking out about it, so you shouldn't either. Until something happens, I'm not going to worry about it. It makes no sense to freak out about things that I have no control over. Packing now... that is a different thing entirely.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

2 weeks and counting

Well, this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but just imagine k?

14 days. That isn't very long, is it? We divided our cleaning and packing schedule into one room a week. The first full week in April was the master bedroom. The second week was the living room. We still need to work on it a bit still. We were thinking of taking down one computer of ours so we would still have internet for the rest of this month, and only have to pack up one of them nearer the end of the month. Next week will be Bug's room and the bathroom. We bunched those two together because there isn't much clutter in them or stuff to pack. The final room is the kitchen. This Sunday we will make sure all of our dishes are washed. We will only use plastic dishes from then on out. Of course, besides the ones we need to cook with.

Having it be the living room this last week, we took most of the stuff off the walls. Though we still have a lot to do in our living room, our home is looking a little forlorn. I'm feeling a little sentimental about leaving this too small, old(er than me), cinder block wall, falling apart, needing of remodeling apartment. Sure, I'm glad to be going to somewhere much better than this, but leaving our first and only home since we made our little family, is just getting to me.

14 days to go was yesterday. Now there is 13.

Crazy how life changes on you huh?

Friday, April 17, 2009

Wise sayings

Just a heads up. If you don't check my side bar very much (I wouldn't blame you, I don't update it very much) this is just a heads up. I added something that Bug said today. It is quite cute.

Two good things


Two parents at the store decide to pick up some cereal that the wife really likes. Because of the expensiveness of it, they haven't ever bought it, and the wife was quite excited. It was on sale. The two wordlessly decreed that it would be only for the wife.

Chapter one:

We find our hero in the kitchen. After already deciding on bagels for breakfast, he spies some cereal with yummy strawberries in it. After grabbing the box, he proceeds to his mother to ask for some of that instead. She tries to convince him that it is her cereal, but that they have some other cereal with yummy strawberries as well. He doesn't take that very well. His mother then tries to remind him that he wanted bagels first, and he accepts that idea.

After a few times of reminding him that he wanted bagels in the first place (usually after his mom opened the box of cereal with yummy strawberries or filled her bowl with the cereal with yummy strawberries), breakfast commences. Our hero munching on a toasted bagel with strawberry cream cheese on it, his mother eating her very own expensive cereal, and his father eating the not so expensive other cereal. Both cereals had yummy strawberries in them. After realizing this, our hero starts to whine, complaining that he didn't get cereal with yummy strawberries in it.

Trying to keep a tear free morning, his parents concede and his father trades his not so expensive cereal with yummy strawberries in it for our hero's bagel. After a few minutes of this set up, our hero remembers just how tasty the bagel was. He starts to whine again. Seeing as the bagel is almost gone with the speediness of our hero's father's eating habits, his parents couldn't concede again. They try to convince him that his not so expensive cereal with yummy strawberries in it is tasty, and has yummy strawberries in it. After persuading, hugs, and his father threatening that he would eat our hero's not so expensive cereal with yummy strawberries in it, he finally gives in and finishes eating his breakfast.

Stay tuned for our hero's next hard decision.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Dancing Bug

This song started playing on our playlist and Bug just started dancing. It was so cute to see him groovin' down shakin' his "groove thing" that I just had to do a video. ^_^ Let alone showing his girlfriend when he is in high school or something... I'm gonna post it on the internet! Yay!!! ^_^

Without further ado... I present to you all... Bug! (side note... up until now his version of "dancing" was running around in a circle. I'd say this is a good improvement. ^_^)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Happy Brithday Bug! ^_^

Ok seeing as we forgot to bring our camera to the parties we had with family, these are the only pics you get for now. But this morning he told me, "No eat. Play tools." Don't worry, we got him to eat. It was Berry Colossal Crunch, but hey, at least it was something right??

The second picture isn't all that great as far as his smile goes, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances... he didn't want to stop playing to pose, which is saying something... he loves posing for the camera.

After breakfast, Bug went right back to the tool bench, and Rocket Scientist and I were contemplating his "favorite thing". His first real favorite was "Dumbo", but that lasted only until he saw "Cars". Then that was his favorite, and after that was "Wall-E", probably due in fact by his best friend. As far as movies go though, I'm not really sure what is his favorite now. But all throughout, he has always had some sort of makeshift hammer. I think his first makeshift hammer was one of his Lincoln Logs. Then he got a book for Christmas and it had a little hammer attached to it. It was some sort of pit crew type book, yes "Cars" themed.

Then he decided that his little pretend vacuum cleaner (I actually think it is styled after an old fashioned lawn mower) made a good hammer. We tried to change his views from that though... it was quite loud. Then I found a cool hammer at DI that made cool sounds. Not hammer sounds by any means, but "doink"-like sounds.

Now he has his new tool bench, and he has been playing it all day long. Which is good seeing as we have packed all the rest of his toys. But seriously, I don't think he would have played with them even if they were out for him. It makes me wonder if this will be his passion. Forget cars, trucks, trains, or sports. Tools are the thing for him.

Monday, April 13, 2009


First off... I have noticed (yes I really have... promise) that this blog has slowly turned into a vent fest. I will do my best to change my attitude and post more happy things, and see the sun through the clouds.

Second... this is my 200th post. I wish I had some wonderfully insightful thing to say, but alas I don't.

Third... yes, I am quite aware that my last post complaining about Bug's newest antic WAS in fact posted on his birthday. I will post pictures (once I get them from parents seeing as we forgot to bring our camera with us...) of his birthday soon. I can't believe he is three....

Fourth... despite trying to be more positive and things, the fact remains that I'm feeling a bit faint right now and will soon be laying down. This is the reason for not posting anything insightful or any cool pictures for this, my 200th post. Ah well. Life goes on.

Friday, April 10, 2009

"NO! Bug's turn!!"

First off. Bug doesn't call himself that. He uses his actual name. But for my peace of mind, I shall use it on here. There was even a phase where Rocket Scientist and I would call him by his nickname and he would say, "No. I'm Bug." But of course, it was his actual name. It was cute.

Anyway, on to the post.

Some people say that when kids get to a certain age, the word "No" becomes their favorite. Not quite so true with Bug, though he did test his limits with that word. I would give in to his antics every once in a while because if you don't listen to any of their "No"s then they won't listen to yours.

Lately though, as the title of this post indicates, Bug's most favorite thing to say, and it usually gets said at least half of the day, is: "No! Bug's turn!!" I'm not talking about trying to share toys with other kids. Bug wants to turn on the light. To open the door. To pour the milk. To get his diapers out for a diaper change... and the wipes..... and the pad.... To pick up his toys. To clean up his milk. To wash the dishes. To turn on the TV. To turn off the TV. To get a DVD out. To put his socks on. To pick out his clothes. To put on his shoes.

Are you feeling exhausted yet? I am. Now. I know that I should be excited that he wants to help this much. I just CAN'T stand going at a toddler's pace all day long. It drives me nuts! Add on the fact that I hate being in the middle of something and he'll yell out, "NO! Bug's turn!!" And one of the worst things about this is that there is no negotiating. I can't let him do somethings and I'll do the other things. Like with him saying "No" with everything. There was some give and take there.

For being one of the cutest kids in the ward that Rocket Scientist was known in a store by a high counsel member's wife as "that guy that has that really cute kid", he can through the worst tantrums. And of course, that slows me up as well because after he has his rant session, he insists on having a hug, and with the memory that he has, he remembers exactly what caused him to start crying, and starts up with the "Bug's turn" again.

In other words, he doesn't give up easily. It is almost quicker to let him get his way and let him do what he wants. One problem with this. If I don't know what he wants to do, he won't tell me. He just stands there yelling "Bug's turn!" I have tried his whole life to not give in when he is being irrational like this to let him know that I won't stand for that kind of behavior. You know, the kind of behavior that is on the verge of being a tantrum. Or even a tantrum. You do that once, and they learn that you have a limit.

Anyway, I think I'm done ranting. I don't know a solution to this problem. I wish someone else did. Or that I could just know what to do. Any suggestions are certainly welcome.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Fine Line

Where, oh where is that fine line between sacraficing oneself for others and taking care of oneself?

Please. Someone enlighten me.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Full Day

Stickers, cake, garbage, put away, toddlers, storage, masking tape, presents, duster, DI stuff.

All rolled up in one.

And it is only two??

Today started with me waking up and deciding that I wouldn't get up when the alarm sounded. Notice I used the word "when". Yeah, I woke up before it. That is a usual happening. The alarm sounded and I commenced with the falling asleep again.

Then I realized what was happening today, and all that I needed to do. Saying that I freaked out and instantly jumped out of bed would be cool but a lie. I finally did realize that I needed to get up, but I did it very unwillingly and groggily. I sat up and was about to do the usual meditation (started again a few days ago) and realized that my bladder wouldn't wait.

After use of the bathroom and meditating, hubby gave me a kiss and tried to convince me that I didn't really need to do all that was running through my head and spend time with him this morning. I felt bad. I really did. But Bug's present hadn't been wrapped yet and I had a cake to make and a party to get together all before 11. A busy morning for me. And hopefully my faintness wouldn't get in the way like it usually did in the morning.

Side note: the doctor's office finally called me back last Friday and everything checked out. Sugar fine, iron fine, I was doing perfectly according to my blood. I rolled my eyes and wished that I knew more about things of this sort so that I could start searching for another reason for my faintness. Anyway, just thought I'd let you all know.

Back to today. After breakfast, I made a list of party things for Rocket Scientist to get at the store, complained a little bit to Cat on AIM, then realized I still had a cake to make (oh, I was able to wrap Bug's present before he woke up. Amazing...), so I mixed it up, put it in the oven, had the TV running for Bug, and got in the shower (I really am blessed with Bug... he doesn't do anything more rambuncious kids would do while I shower, he just sits there or plays with his toys... *big sigh of gratitude*).

After the shower I started complaining and talking to Cat again while waiting for the cake to come out. After it was out I wasted time on the internet (I'm REALLY good at that...) before I realized that I needed to make up some punch. And cut up cheese pieces for the snack. Thankfully my brother and his wife were around and they came to visit to steal my computer for a few minutes and while they were here I put my sister-in-law to work dressing Bug and making the goody bags.

Well the party was at 11, and we enjoyed some nice spring weather and ate cake, cheese with crackers, and punch.

Granted it WAS nice to get out of the mode of packing, but after people started to leave I got in a panic again. Rocket Scientist had to go to sleep soon, and this week is the week of packing up our room, so we had to go and do some packing right then before it got too late and we couldn't pack anything today. My body was already weak from my trip to DI yesterday (with two huge and heavy boxes of stuff we got rid of that me, myself, and I somehow got to the car) and my craziness and working through my faintness to get the party stuff ready.

So yeah, after about an hour of packing stuff, Rocket Scientist is now sleeping, and I'm taking it easy until Bug wakes up. Maybe I'll even take a nap... sounds good...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Floor Plans

Hello all. Seeing as the day just began I'm doing better mentally than my last post, but I am feeling faint because it is the morning. Can't ever take a break.

Anyway, I'm writing this morning to get your opinion. We had the wonderful idea of putting our floor plan on a grid sheet so we could plan out where to put furniture before we even get there. Rocket Scientist had an even better idea to make little gridded out pieces of furniture to move around. Then I had the marvelous idea to laminate it (with packing tape) so we could put tape on the bottom of our makeshift furniture things to move them around, but more importantly, keep them there.

Anyway, I'm blabbing too much. My opinion that I need from you (though you have probably already guessed it) is to tell me what you think of this layout. We have two of them that we are OK with, but we would still like your opinion of if you think it looks good, or even more importantly, if you can think of something better. So please comment, and let me know what you think. Thanks! ^_^

If you can't read the words on the furniture, click on the picture. It should help.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

What?? Are you talking to me? Sorry, you'll have to come back in a month when I get my brain back from the cleaners.

So I don't have a title for this post yet seeing as I have no idea what I'm going to write to you all. We'll see what happens by the end of my ramblings.

My brain is so overwhelmed right now I can't think. Earlier in the rush and hurry to get people eating before Rocket Scientist left for the priesthood session, I almost put a cheese slicer in the garbage instead of the sink. Yeah... I'd say that my brain was thinking too hard or about too many things. Or both.

We have been so caught up with the whole moving thing that we didn't even realize it was conference weekend at least soon enough for us to plan visiting family. So how did we spend this day? We had conference playing and were de-junking our storage at the same time. I am exhausted. We got a lot done and I feel good about that, but at the same time, I am exhausted. I also feel bloated. That tends to happen after I eat dinner. So what to do now but veg a bit on the computer while Rocket Scientist is away and have "Finding Nemo" playing on the DVD player for a little guy.

So, with that in mind, I am feeling more and more swell with every day. I can currently feel some stretch marks forming. After having three kids, each within 18 months of each other, I feel like my body is falling apart. I have never really given myself time to recuperate. Once the new baby gets about 9 months old I decree that they are too old and not a baby anymore and I beg to get pregnant again. Pretty much, that is how it goes. I get baby hungry.

I made sure that Rocket Scientist wouldn't hesitate to tell me that I was fat when I got baby hungry again. I also told him to make sure that he encourage me daily to workout and try to get my body in shape again almost as soon as the doctor gives me the ok. Because both of us know that I WILL get baby hungry again. It is almost inevitable. So I gotta get in shape before that inevitability happens. Or even gets close.

And I guess my last random thought for this post is conference. Seeing as my main problem lately has been morning, I thought it was interesting how there were two talks, one right after the other, about that very thing. I never had paid much attention to Elder Scott seeing as his mesmerizing voice always put me to sleep. I had never realized that he had lost two kids, one right after the other. It made me wonder just how this pregnancy will end up. Obviously, Elder Scott's talk wasn't a warning or a..... my fingers are hesitating over the keys searching for the right word..... hmmm.... time to visit ok... found the right word. His talk wasn't a premonition of things to come. Obviously. It still made me wonder what will happen to us as a family if something were to happen to this little one.

I think. Thanks to those two talks. That we will be just fine. At least I will. Rocket Scientist I have no idea. Bug I have no idea. He was a bit to young to realize what happened when Little Angel died. I'm not even sure he remembers him during the few short months Little Angel was with us. But whatever happens, with His help, we can prevail.

I will not doubt again.

Friday, April 3, 2009


I just read my sisters blog. Her due date is in a few days, and she shared her other two birthing experiences which were both early babies. It just made me think about my two experiences, and I thought I'd share them on here. Mainly for me so I don't forget them. But I thought you (or at least some of you) might enjoy reading them.

Bug was due April 6th three years ago. I'm shaking my head. I can't believe it has been that long since he was born. As all mothers, especially first mothers, I was anxious, wondering when the signs of pregnancy that I have only heard about would come. I was a student at the time. Being a music ed. major, I was in mostly all of the ensembles that one sane person could be in. Or maybe insane person. Wind Orchestra (a fancy name for Band), Jazz Band, Symphonic Orchestra (with strings and uh... two trumpets), ***** Quintet (name blotted out to protect the innocent), Symphonic Band, am I leaving anything out?? Probably.

Anyway, you can see that I was pretty much crazy. I chose this way of doing it though because then I was still a student, and getting credit for my major, but I wasn't a full time student. I remember there were a few concerts and things that were near my due date. One of which was a Jazz concert. I was lead. I had a really high note that I could hit on a good day. People in band joked about the fact that during the concert I would hit it and my water would break right there on stage. I thought it would be kinda neat. Embarrassing, but at the same time... kinda funny... It didn't happen. I think the sixth was a Friday or something. The concert was the Wednesday before.

I think that first weekend in April that year I also was in Symphony Orchestra and we were playing "in the pit" for a ballet. Sleeping Beauty if I remember correctly. If my memories serve me well, that means that I was playing for a ballet in a cramped orchestra pit on my due date. I remember the teacher commenting about me every once in a while. So yeah, my due date came and went. I was fine saying "today" whenever someone asked when I was due, but once the next day came I wasn't so happy about saying "yesterday". I just counted it out. The sixth was a Thursday. So the Jazz concert was the day before my due date.

Anyway, that weekend I was nothing close to depressed. "Overdue" ran through my head over and over. It was driving me crazy. Sunday Rocket Scientist and I went on a walk through the graveyard next to our apartment. We were looking for names. I remember that as I was walking I was feeling contractions and started to get excited. When we got home, if I sat down the contractions went away. They would start again when I was walking. I scowled at myself. False labor.

Monday the tenth came around. I had another appointment. I went in and was told my blood pressure was too high. Understandably, seeing as how my weekend went. My doctor insisted that we induce that day. I was upset. I was imagining feeling the labor pains at my home, calling Rocket Scientist on the cell phone we bought just for this purpose, him rushing home from school to take me to the hospital. I didn't envision coming home from my doctor appointment, getting my bag, waiting for Rocket Scientist to come home from school (his last class ended right when I was getting out of the appointment), and driving nice and calmly to the hospital with no labor pains.

Ah well. I can't remember the exact time of things, but it was in the afternoon when our planned induction was. I was strapped to a blood pressure checking machine that would go off every 5 minutes or so. Bug was born around ten or something. I have it written down but I don't want to go look for it right now. I had an epidural. In saying that the labor was easy. Really and truly it was. I couldn't feel a thing. As some of you ladies who are reading this probably know, for your first birth, the doctor isn't required to be there when you first start pushing. When I finally dilated to ten and started pushing I think Bug crowned on like... the second push? Maybe third? The nurse was freaking out. "DON'T PUSH ANYMORE! GET THAT DOCTOR IN HERE NOW! I DON'T WANT TO DELIVER THIS BABY!" Ok, she probably wasn't yelling all of that, only just some of it. :) But I thought they were funny phrases. Seeing as I couldn't feel anything, I was Ok with waiting. Only about two contractions happened before my doctor arrived and Bug was born soon after.

Oh, as far as missing concerts, I only missed one.

Sorry again for my ramblings. I tend to get into the stories I'm telling... Now for Little Angel's story. Uh..... but after I eat breakfast.

Ok, tummy is fed and everyone is happy.

Little Angel was due on Halloween. Of uh... 2007? Yeah. That's right. This story is bound to be shorter seeing as I wasn't in any band and no fun experiences happened in that respect. Wait... I was in Jazz Band. But I still can't remember any fun experiences. I wasn't really a student per-say seeing as I wasn't enrolled, they just needed another trumpet player and the teacher just didn't want to let me go. :)

Hmm... so lets see... my doctor was going to be out of town for my due date I think. Or at least a few days before it. Oh dear... it is bugging me too much, lemme check the days. Ok. So Halloween that year was a Wednesday. I had an appointment the week before (sounding familiar yet?). My doctor was going out of town that weekend up until my due date I think it was. I can't really remember that much. On the 24th (week before Halloween) at my appointment, my blood pressure was high, but not as high with Bug that he insisted that I get induced that day. All he really said was "So, do you want to have your baby today?"

The odds were against me. I still wanted that rush-to-the-hospital-with-labor-pains feeling but the odds really were against me. I wanted MY doctor to deliver my baby, not one of his fellow doctors. My blood pressure was a little high, but not high enough to raise alarm. Yet. I gave in with what I thought was good grace.

The labor itself wasn't much different than with Bug. A few things that stand out: they hooked me up to the machine and stuff, not having induced me yet, and contractions were reading on the machine. Before they even put the stuff in me to cause labor (can't remember what it is called...) the contractions were getting more and more frequent and more and more uh... fierce? Can't think of the right word. In other words, I was in labor. At least that was my deducement. I guess if I'm gonna go into labor by myself the best place is at the hospital all ready attached to the machine, right?

Also, I chose not to have an epidural. Crazy no? After such an easy labor with Bug, you'd think that would be my option of choice now and forever huh? Well, when I was pregnant, I was looking into meditation. Wondering if that would help with the pain or not. I had been meditating through most of the pregnancy, and tried a bit of it while in labor. I was able to withstand. That being said, my doctor is an epidural fan. So probably if he thought I really needed it, he might have just ordered it anyway. It was unnecessary. I think they gave me some sort of pain relief through the IV, but if they did, it had such little help that I don't remember at all if they did or not... :)

Just like with Bug, it was a fast labor. We went in the afternoon, Little Angel was born I think around 11 or so. Can't really remember... :) I think complication-wise it wasn't that bad. The cord was wrapped around his neck once... MAYBE twice, can't remember, but I think the only complication with that was something to do with sugar levels in his blood. I'm scrunching my forehead here... can't really remember the details.

With this baby though, I do plan on not having an epidural. Now that I know I can do it. After having both experiences, I liked recovery a whole lot more with Little Angel. Right after he was born, I was able to stand up and get in a wheelchair. With Bug, I rolled over onto a bed thing with wheels. That alone tells you just how much of a difference not having an epidural had for me. Plus, I look back at Little Angel's birth with more fondness than with Bug. Not because I love Little Angel more, not because Little Angel isn't with me anymore, I'm not really sure why I do. I just do. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it makes me believe that maybe I really am amazing like Rocket Scientist says. Maybe it boosts my confidence in myself. Oh... that reminds me of something. When we came home from the doctor's appointment and were about to leave for the hospital (with Little Angel's birth) my playlist was playing on my computer. The last song I heard before I turned it off was "I Have Confidence" from Sound of Music. It was running through my head the WHOLE LABOR! I couldn't get it out. That might have helped me as well. I'm not really sure...

Anyway... I guess that is it. Once again, sorry for my blabbiness and the longness of this post. I think it is a subconscious thing that since I can type fast, I'm not taking much time in writing this, so it won't be a long time until you are done reading it, right?? Some mix up in my brain I guess.

Thanks for traveling down memory lane with me. I wonder what this one will be like...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Three posts in one day???

Ok, so I know I have posted twice already today, but I just had to share this with you all.

I just barely had the urge to read the back of our multi-purpose cleaner. It has a little section where they talk about all the wonderful things you can do with it and under that are the directions...
USAGE DIRECTIONS: Turn spray nozzle to ON position. Simply spray and wipe with a soft cloth or paper towel until surface is clean. No rinsing necessary. Use to clean surfaces such as wood, laminate, electronics, chrome, glass, mirrors and metal. If using on electronic equipment, spray product directly onto cloth and follow manufacturer instructions. Before using on an unknown surface, test on an inconspicuous area. For higher shine on your wood, please use ****** Furniture Polish. (brand name blotted out to protect the innocent) Not suitable for unsealed wood, marble or granite. Do not use with other household cleaners. Note: Unplug electrical appliances before using.
I laughed out loud when I read this!!! If I had someone else in the room besides a two year old I probably would have ended up laughing harder and longer.

Did you catch it? No probably not. Especially if you weren't raised in my household where phrases like "Shake before using", "Automatic Caution Door", and "To avoid suffocation keep away from children" cause chuckling. I'll give you a hint with this one that I found today. It is the last sentence in the italicized part. The note section. (though it is italicized, I didn't do that to make it stand out. They did. The only part in the quote that I added was the part in the parenthesis.)

Did you see it that time? If not, don't feel bad, just ask and I'll try to explain it. Or just mill the sentence in your head for a bit, and maybe you'll catch on. It might help to see where the humor is in the other phrases that I mentioned.


While going through boxes and boxes of baby clothes the other day, I of course ran into some memories. One of my favorite baby outfits my sister-in-law gave us when Little Angel was born, so there were no memories of Bug with that one. It was interesting to go through these clothes and thinking about the last few years. Some of the clothes, mainly just my favorite ones that we've had since Bug was little, were so stained I ended up putting them in the DI/give away box. Not sure if we really will (some of them are REALLY stained) or if we will just chuck them. I regretted putting them in a get rid of box, seeing as they were my favorite (which is OF COURSE why they were so stained), but I knew I would hesitate putting them on this new baby because they were just so stained.

Bug was born before our first anniversary. Yes, you heard that right. He was not a "honeymoon baby" and he was conceived after our wedding. Some of you (probably the ones that I don't know in person) may be wide eyed right now. The phrase, "That was FAST!!!" comes to mind. I won't try to explain my thoughts on the subject of birth control, because I really don't know how best to explain it.

Despite the fact that we have been pregnant for at least half or more of our marriage, I don't think, if I could, that I would do it any other way. I have always wanted to be a mom. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, that was always the first thing that came to my mind. Sure we have had some hard times just like anyone else, and some of them have been because we didn't have the chance really to get used to each other around all the time before we became parents. I still wouldn't have done it any other way.

Maybe all this nostalgia is from the fact that we are moving from our only home we have had since we started our family, maybe it has to do with going through the baby clothes I have dressed my boys with, but in any case, I just wanted to share this all with you. Being able to go through the clothes without breaking down, without my heart aching (at least too much that I became numb), makes me think that I can handle this next baby. Not sure if I posted this or not, but one thing that has really had me worried is that I'll shun my own baby because that is what I have done with new babies in my ward, even if I wanted to get closer to their mom. These new thoughts and feelings makes me think that maybe I will be Ok.

Things will work out.

Moving update

I have probably mentioned this, but we are for sure moving. Beginning of May.

So yeah. Two days ago I was crazy. My foot was hurting (we THINK I sprained or pulled, whatever the correct termage is, a muscle in it... still kinda aches), my back was hurting (no new news), I was tired, and should have had dinner earlier. But that is all mainly (besides the foot) things that I have complained about on here for the past few weeks. So why was I crazy??

I went outside, picked up a box of our disorganized storage, brought it inside, set it on the ground, cleaned off the top of it (all dusty and gross from being outside), opened it up, went through the whole box putting things in either one of three boxes: storage, DI, or put away OR I just put it in a throw away pile. If the box was pretty much already organized (mainly only the baby clothes), I would still go through it, organize it a little bit to make sure it was really organized the way we want it, then put the "stamp of approval" on it (just masking tape with the words MOVING APPROVED in an X on the top of the box mainly just saying that what it says in here REALLY is what is in here, no junk, no other stuff).

Despite the discomfort of my body, I repeated this process about four times. Maybe even five. This was the reason for my craziness. Not because I was doing this (it REALLY needed to be done a LONG time ago), but because I was doing this without help, and with my body feeling like I was falling apart.

Needless to say (right Pavlov?), I couldn't do much yesterday. But again... I still organized some storage. Mainly just two boxes of old clothes of Bug. That was all I could expect of my body that day. Today is my hobby day. I'm determined to do something, if only just an hour, of cross-stitch. My chosen hobby for today.

Despite how crazy I was the past two days, that seems to be my mode of operation. When I am the most exhausted and worn down is when I am in the mood to clean and organize the most. Almost as if I'm OCD. I wobble around the house cleaning everything in site, back hunched from exhaustion. I referred to it once like a drug. I just HAD to pick up things. It was something that I almost couldn't prevent myself from doing. After that metaphor though I realized that disease would be a better comparison, hence my mention of OCD above. But it isn't like that, because it isn't like I think something bad will happen if I don't clean or it is a daily routine, it is just something that happens occasionally.

Anyway, that was pretty random... So yeah. Today will not be full of packing/organizing/cleaning. I have at least one hour of cross-stitch planned. Not sure when the hour will be, but that is the plan.