Can I have some?

welcome to my blog.

a place to post. a place to eat oreos. a place to vent. a place to heal.

i started this blog so i could use a different outlet besides munching on fattening oreos. as if that has done any good... *mind wanders to oreo package in the house...*

then i realized that oreos can be semi symbolic. if you are are that crazy about oreos that is. which... i am.

eating oreos is therapeutic for me. when i am struggling or when i need a pick me up. they have chocolate. and sugar. both of which help lift my mood. not to mention that i eat them soaked with milk, which is my miracle drink.

i post my posts to not only get stuff out. there may be people who read my blog who have been in the same kind of situations as i have. i hope reading them and knowing that others have gone through things like i have, will be to you what eating oreos does to me.

and yes. i didn't capitalize anything in here. i just felt like it. deal with it.

munch up.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

High five

So, all of you readers out there who were wishing for a high five I already got the first response from my post "It's hot". But to be honest, I knew she would get it since she is one of the mothers in the stories and I am the other one. Maybe I'll still give people a chance to guess at least... I hope I didn't give too much away with this post, but if you still want to guess I have more high fives.

High Five out to Knitter! Congrats on being the first to answer!

Anyone else want a jab at it?

40 lbs + 2

I would have posted this last night, but it was late and I was tired.... here's the story.

Rocket Scientist is currently working at a cheese factory. He lifts cheese and moves it somewhere else, though I don't know all the details. His first night home from work his arms were so dead that he said it hurt to drive home. I'm glad he got home safe. I massaged them as best I could (how do you massage arms anyway?) and the next day at work was much better and he could actually use his arms when he got home. I'm actually quite glad that he is working there despite the hours because his arms really needed a work out.

He came home and surprised me once again like he did the first night he came home but his arms were working fine this time. He brought home two 40 lb chunks of cheese. I was shocked. I had just spent the last 30 minutes cleaning up and organizing the house and all that was forgotten. I was only slightly upset that he didn't notice. My first thought was, "Where in the world are we going to put all of this!" then soon after "Why in the world did he bring this home!" then, "Does he expect me to eat it? Is he CRAZY???". That last thought was obvious since I knew he was, but I never expected 80 lbs of cheese to come walking in. Usually wifes appreciate a gift when their husband comes home but it is usually something that smells nice, red and has greenery on it.

Then I got the story. The cheese factory was planning on throwing this particular cheese out though I'm not sure why. I guess around the edges were going bad or something, but can't you always just cut it off and eat the middle? In any case, I proceeded to find somewhere in our fridge, that looked pretty full to me, for all this cheese. Rocket Scientist thought it would be interesting to see if I could pick up a 40 lb block of cheese, and I did and put it in the fridge after moving other things. Amazingly enough they both fit in our small fridge with all our other food. Rocket Scientist called me Sherah (sp?), but I said I was a Mary Kay girl. Makes me wonder just how well we are using our space in our little apartment too. Now we will proceed to get ourselves sick of pepper-jack cheese (I've never tried it and never planned to, and still don't plan to. The name doesn't sound very appealing to me). I will try to remember to make a video of Rocket Scientist cutting it up and post it for you. Or maybe I'll just take a picture of our fridge...

Cheese anyone????

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dr. N

Yesterday I went to Dr. N's office for an appointment. I decided to get my IUD out and start again with another little one. I was wearing my MK pin hoping that someone that I ran into would notice and say something to the effect, "I wanna buy something!" The only one that noticed (or at least said something after he noticed) was Dr. N. We just chatted about MK and he told me about his connections (he had connections???). It turns out that his sister was a consultant, but not just a consultant. She was probably a national director from how high he was saying she was. She died 11 years ago. Then a SuzAnne came along and married Dr. N's widowed brother-in-law (are you lost yet??). SuzAnne is also a MK girl and also a national director. I started to wonder then (especially when he said she was in Denver) because MY national director's name is SuzAnne. And yup you guessed it, the same SuzAnne.

There was a marketing dinner that night, and me and My Sister From Another Mother were sitting at the same round table with the three directors in my area. We got to see the unprofessional side to them, and it was quite interesting. I turned to my director and told her part of the above story, and asked if our SuzAnne was in Denver. She interrupted me and told me to tell it to Arianne, and that was a little intimidating because first it is Arianne (our Cadillac Sales Director....she's won SIX!!!) and second because now the whole table was listening. I said the above story and right when I mentioned Dr. N's name she knew where I was going and finished it for me. That was how I figured out, and I also learned that Dr. N is against tummy tucks. I'm really not surprised.

To get to the reason for this story, near the end of my appointment with Dr. N, he was really encouraging me and telling me that I really could do it and do well in this business. It meant a whole lot more coming from him then from my directors mainly because they are my directors. If I do more sales, they get more commission and they are already up there. Oh, and I just barely met them. How do they know if I can really do it or not? Dr. N has been a great support through two pregnancies, healing from abuse (during those two pregnancies), and the death of Little Angel. He has been really close to putting me on depression medication, but never had. And he would have made me if he didn't believe that I would be fine. In any case, I was really elated coming out of that office that day for two reasons.

One: I could get pregnant again.

Two: I CAN succeed in MK! And I WILL!!!

And to finish off this miraculous day was the Marketing Dinner at Hamilton's with WAY TASTY FOOD!!! and I got a ride in the car I will win someday (preferably in this year), a Pontiac G6.

It's hot

Once upon a time a child looked up at her mother and said, "Mom, my spaghetti is hot." The mother responded, "Put some salt on it." This child then grew up with the false impression that salt made things cool down.

Once upon a time, a child looked up at his mother and said, "It's hot." The mother responded, "Blow on it." He did, well, actually he was blowing up his nose, but the fact remains that he tried it. In any case, as he blew on his fish sticks, he also picked up his fork and attempted to cut them up while saying, "Chop, chop, chop". The mother realized that he must think that chopping up his food makes it cool down.

Moral of the story? Children will believe whatever they want whether you teach them it or not.

And if anyone can find the correlation between the two stories, they get a high five

Friday, July 25, 2008

Need or Selfishness?

I just read Pavlov's most recent post and I also am having problems with feeling like what I do is actually appriciated. I'm sure every mother has had this feeling, but I am really wondering if I'm really being selfish. It is a difficult question that I don't know what the answer is or how to even find the answer. Maybe it is time to evaluate my belief window? You know when you cry really hard and when you finish you have been scrunching up your forehead so much that you have a head ache? Yeah, that is how it feels.

Is my want for appreciation just a want? Or is it a need? Do I really need Rocket Scientist to help with chores or am I being lazy and just want him to do it so they get done? Who knows? How do I find out? Early in my life I learned that my needs were unimportant. Sure, a lie I know. But how do I get out of that? I have believed that so long that I don't even know what my needs are. And how to get them met. So am I really searching for my needs or am I being selfish? I guess I'm the only one to answer that, but I don't know how to go about it. Rocket Scientist is waiting for me to open up and talk since he doesn't know why I had a huge crying fit anyway.

Well, here goes...

Ringing Garbage

As I took the garbage out last night, I took the bag out of the garbage and tied it closed. Right about the time when I was going to pick it up, it started ringing. The sound was oddly familiar. You parents out there are thinking that Bug put a toy in there right? Wrong. It was our old timer. We set it a few days ago to go off about after about 15 mins. We had crispy pizza that day, and I guess even so it was finally done last night. I bought a new one today that sticks on our fridge. No more ruined timers (that are plastic and sit on the oven) and no more crispy pizza. :)

Friday, July 18, 2008

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wanna play remember when???

So, I feel kind of like my sister in law about this, but I figured, who cares what people say or don't say? Well, I guess I'm more worried about what people don't say, but in any case, I hope you all enjoy this trip down memory lane. :) Anyway, here goes...

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory for me, I'll go to your blog and leave a memory for you. Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Chicken Recipe

So, at Moosehorn some people asked for my chicken teriyaki recipe, and I said I'd post it, so here it is. Keep in mind though that Rocket Scientist just made this up, and wrote it down for my benefit :)

Chicken Recipe

2-3 Chicken breasts
2 TB oil (approx.)
1 TB Butter (approx.)
Onion Flakes (or about half a chopped onion)
Onion Powder
Chicken Seasoning (we use Spade L. Ranch brand, and I must say that when we first tried this stuff WE FELL IN LOVE!!! I think it really makes the chicken. We found it at Smiths, but I think you can google it and find a website that will tell you what store to find it.)
All Spice

(All the spices are to taste so we don't really know how much we use for each. Rocket Scientist just showed me so I guess you'll have to just experiment like we did. I mean, HE did... hehe)

Start by heating up the oil and butter, then add the chicken (we cut up the chicken in the pan with the spatula when it is almost done cooking). Add seasonings. Cover and let simmer, and basically just cook it from here on out. Cut it up in pieces after it has cooked for a bit, and you can add flour to make a little bit of a coat if you want, or you can add milk to keep the chicken moist.

Rocket Scientist likes to experiment so whenever he cooks this it is different every time. I just like to do it like I wrote it above, maybe with about a tsp of flour added too to make a little coating. We like to cook it until the chicken is more brown then white, but not to when it is burnt if that makes sense. You can add teriyaki sauce or sweet n' sour sauce depending on what you wish. We also (at Moosehorn) added some frozen vegetables that were a mix for like a stir fry or something like that. I think they had seasonings in them too already.

Hopes this helps, and hope you enjoy.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Put on a happy face

For the past couple of weeks I have been near the verge of tears for most of it. I don't really know what started it. Maybe the prospect of family reunions without my Little Angel, maybe I just never had sufficient grieve time with all the comfort and support from the Lord, friends, and family I had right after he died. I don't really know, but the fact remains that I was having a hard time emotionally. My visiting teachers came by today and I had resolved to tell them that I was struggling with my grief and all the multitudes of things that I had to do. I was to the point that I wished that I could just freeze time, do my grieving, and then make time come back when I was done. Impossible I know, but it didn't stop me from wishing that. I actually didn't tell them because they forgot to ask me how I was doing, probably mainly because one of them knew I was struggling to get out of my shell with my Mary Kay business, and she might have thought that was all that I was struggling with.

Moosehorn was interesting to say the least. For the first half of it we weren't even officially in the campsite. They hadn't opened yet because all the snow we had this year slowed down the "cleaning process" I guess. I was without my wonderful husband Rocket Scientist for that first half, and I was missing Little Angel. The day we finally were able to get into the campsite, Rocket Scientist showed up. At the latest possible moment since we were to make dinner that night. I was a lot better when I heard the noisy muffler drive up, but still really missing my Little Angel.

The next day Bug disappeared. Sure it was only for a few minutes, but within that little time frame, I lost it. After stumbling, crying, and yelling for him, I collapsed on a big rock, shaking and not really having complete control of my body. Before my body lost function of its muscles from all the emotional trauma I was going through I had heard that he was found. The first thought that came to my mind was, "Why wasn't I informed anyway???" I just sat there on the rock and sobbed uncontrollably, hardly able to keep myself sitting since my muscles were refusing to work. I truly hope I hadn't hurt any of my family members by not reacting how they might have expected me to react while they were trying to console me, but I was still too much in shock over the whole thing. I had been trained to deal with such emotional pain though. I shut myself off. Refused to feel anything, and while I'm like that, I don't respond much to anything, and anything pretty much goes. Sometimes I don't even realize that I shut off emotional contact (bad AND good), and this was one of those times. It is a natural (at least for me) response to so much emotional pain. Maybe that was why I couldn't force my arms to hug my sister while she was trying to console me, maybe not. But it is probably a reason for me not really feeling the love that she was trying to bestow me. Like I said, when the emotions turn off, you can't feel either.

Pavlov just got his engagement broken off, and reading his blog has made me realize that I wasn't the only one to have the feeling of loss at Moosehorn. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in your own feelings that you don't realize the pain that others are in. I have been struggling with the fact that if you are feeling down, the best thing is to lift others spirits by serving, yet people also say that if you are grieving, you should just grieve until you are Ok, and then you can get on with life. But what if life doesn't want to pause for your convenience?

I'm reading a book entitled Miracles Happen. I just started it today in fact. It is the biography of Mary Kay Ash. I have only read six chapters, and this woman is AMAZING! First off, she started her company after she had retired. She just couldn't sit around and just accept the fact that she was done working. A month before her company was scheduled to open, her husband had a heart attack and died. She opened anyway. Why? "[She believed] that work is often the best antidote for grief." Hmmm. Interesting concept. Why not I give it a try? Me and Rocket Scientist are struggling money-wise anyway and I need to help get some income coming, why not go in with both feet instead of just dipping toes in?

Chapter six of this amazing book (that I think everyone should read...) is entitled Put on a Happy Face. Everyone has hard times, and deals with trauma some point in their life, but if I can just put on a happy face every morning and lift even one person's day, even if it is just me, why not? Happy people are just... happy, and everyone wants to be around them. Despite how I feel in the morning, I am going to walk out of my room with a smile on my face, and go, go, go!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Code Names

Well, here we go. I just went through all the past posts and changed names. My husband is Rocket Scientist, I'm Shay, my first son is Bug, and my second son is Little Angel. If any of my family would like a code name, let me know. I would make one for you, but you might not know who you are. :)