Children

How is it, that kids can tell when a parent is suffering?  I guess it may merely be a sign that we know each other well.  Or maybe my face is more vulnerable than I think it is.  The other day I saw a friend walk past my house through my window, and she didn't look toward my house.  I don't know what I expected, or why that lack of a glance caused me to start feeling weird, but it somehow brought on my depression.  I know for a fact that she cares about me a great deal, it isn't like that is a problem or anything, but somehow, it just started my downward spiral of negative thoughts.  Probably stemming from the fear that I'm not all that great of a friend.

I'm not on here to explore why I felt the way I did but to talk about what happened afterward.  Goof Ball was in the room with me and I saw from the corner of my eye that he was looking at me as my face fell.  We sat across the table from each other and after a few moments, Goof Ball got off his chair and walked over to me and laid his head on my lap and wrapped his arms around me as well as he could.  I can't remember much of anything happening after that, besides the fact that my mood picked up.  I didn't stay in the depressive slump as I normally would have.

I'm not really sure how to continue this post.  Children really are amazing.  It is surprising to me how observant they are.  How much they perceive and take in.  They really are a blessing from God.  And that subject gets me into why exactly I do the things I do to try and prevent any more blessings.  Though logic tells me that I haven't done anything that would get rid of my worth, I just don't feel worth any more blessings, and so I do things (or don't do things) so that I don't get more blessings.  There is no way that I can measure up to life and His expectations, so I have just fallen down so low that I don't want to even try anymore - at least not on a spiritual level - to prove anything.

This wasn't supposed to be a depressing post...

I'm glad that I have the kids that I have and that they are good for me.  Bug always used to cheer me up when I was down too.  He still does.  His habit (if you can call it that) lately is to put his arm around me and pat my back.  He's getting so big that eventually his arm will reach around my whole back.  I wonder if that would make me cry or not...