Dr. Pocket has invited me to join his Corner Band again. And this time it is longer than just a simple one concert deal. This is at least until March. At least two concerts. And I couldn't be more overjoyed, even though the rehearsal takes place during one of my revered kempo practices during the week. I would not sacrifice that time of day unless the thing replacing kempo would help me emotionally as much as kempo does. And being surrounded by the sweet sound of jazz music is one of those things.
This week's rehearsal I learned that not only am I playing in this awesome band, but Dr. Pocket seemed to have specifically called me out to play the solo part for a ballad. The song is "Willow Weep for Me." Here is a copy of the song, but it clearly isn't the version we'll be playing, because I won't be singing, but playing my trumpet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mjt6JrT77xM
When I realized that I had the solo, I started to freeze up even from just the thought of practicing it. He wants me to be ready to play it next rehearsal, and I'm terrified. Not only would any of the other trumpet players do a much better job, but this is my very first chance to play a ballad solo. I'm surrounded by people ions better than me, and he asked the newbie who can't improv to take this solo. Granted, most of it is written out, but it is only the melody. And if you listen to the link above, the melody is really quite plain and simple. Any version you find of this song, the soloist will be dancing around that melody. And I need to learn how to do it in less than 20 days.
Yeah, I'm dead nervous. Now that I've finally been invited to the band for an extended period of time, he lays this on me, and I worry that I'll totally screw up and he'll toss me out.
After thinking through it, I realized that it is the same nervousness that I feel when I'm paired up with Sensei during kempo. Especially when we are sparing and have boxing gloves on. I just get the impression that he's gonna take me out and I'll be down for the count. He never would. But just the fact that I know he could terrifies me. When I realized this, it made me start wondering if I could use kempo to help me get over my fear of this solo. Or maybe not get rid of it, but help me face it down like I would face down Sensei in a sparing match.
One good thing with sparing with Sensei is the simple knowledge that I'll learn something new. If I spar with Sandpaper, I might learn something new. If I spar with Star, it is never going to happen. Our version of sparing quickly turns into a cat fight with us just kind of clawing (as if anyone can claw with boxing gloves on) at each other. But if I spar with Sensei, he is bound to tell me something new. Whether that is that I keep leading with the same hand, or a way to make a combo attack, or whatever. I'll always learn something new. It can be very frustrating. He sees so much that it irritates me. Again, it's like he can see through me. That bugs me... a lot more than I thought it would.
Despite the fact that it terrifies me, I know I'll learn something. Maybe that's how I should approach the Corner Band with my likely not very good solo. I'll be terrified, surely. But surely they won't eat me or kick me out. Dr. Pocket invited me because he saw my potential. Maybe they will teach me something about how to do it better. If I could take it that way, I know I have the ability (if not the courage) to stare down Sensei and get beaten by him - but I come away from it stronger. Hopefully that's how it will go with the Corner Band. I'll let you know when it happens.
Even more hopefully I'll be able to have this mind set when I face down my fear.
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