Somehow...

...I survived the weekend.

But I was forced to do homework on Sunday. Boo.

Anyway, I have a headache, and I sometimes feel nauseated. I probably forced myself to work too hard. Whatever, I'm alive. I guess that is what is important.

Goof Ball has like... three blisters or so on his little fingers. I noticed them yesterday morning. I hadn't even known that he had gotten hurt, but one of them had been popped already. Then yesterday afternoon, he came up to me crying a little and holding his fingers out and another one had popped. Honestly, when I first saw his fingers I couldn't really tell what they were. I only realized that they were blisters after more of them had popped. Anyway, the one that had been popped from the first time that I saw them now looked as if it was trying to heal, but it didn't look right. The harder cover stuff over the opening of the blister was kinda yellow and I could see some fiber stuff from toys or something clinging to it. Now that I could more easily tell what the things were, I started to wonder if he got burned at some point or something... they are on the tops of his middle and ring finger.

Anyway, so I was kinda nervous about it, so even though I had to get ready for the next thing I needed to go to, I had Pro Boxer help me alcohol (Goof Ball didn't like that a bit) and bandage up his little fingers. I checked them again this morning, and they looked a lot better. We re-neosporined (hey, if photoshopping can be a verb, so can neosporined...) them, and bandaged them again. Hopefully everything will go well with that.

Anyway, so life is moving on... I am .... well I don't know how I am. Physically I wonder if something is wrong. Knowing me, it probably just means that I need to eat. Occasional nausea, headaches come and go... and of course my chronic cough. It is a little more juicy than it normally is, and that was probably more information than you wanted to know.

Emotionally? Spiritually? I really have no idea. Psychologically? Search me. Some days I think I am improving only to realize that I am worse off than I was before the next day. I keep toying with the idea of talking to my bishop or trying to get an appointment with a counselor from LDS family services.

Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I ran out of Oreos again this afternoon. I continuously had to hold back tears at church.

Go figure. Everything for my good? Everything? Riiiiight.... Once I was optimistic, believing that somehow maybe I could find something good from being walked all over my whole life in various stages of damage. Personally, I'm sick of being walked all over. Losing Little Angel to death, sure, I can find something good in that. He doesn't have to be stuck in this world of pain like I do. Everything else though... really, I don't see how anyone could find anything "good" from being used, abuse, ignored, and walked all over.

And yes, Jesus was also used, abused, ignored, and walked all over. But I'm not perfect and wonderful, and I'm certainly NOT going to die to save all of humanity. For him, there was something good about it. Despite how difficult it must have been. For me. Not so much. I'm just an item to take advantage of.