and then the alien said to me, "%#@~$(%#&@." and I said, "わかりません。"

The days fly by, somehow the homework gets completed, the weekends are non-existent, roses dry perfectly right side up, performance after performance, cough after measly cough, days turn shorter, leaves on my poor plants drop off at an alarming rate (because I fail to remember to water them), and somehow I'm still here. People don't seem to dislike me. In fact, they seem to like me so much that I get teased (in a loving sort of way). I wonder sometimes if there is a contest in the trumpet section that I'm unaware of. "Who can tease Shay the most before the semester is out?"

And now it comes to my mind as to why the post started out as it did. It is October once again. Bug is five, Goof Ball is two. And Little Angel would be four at the end of this month. I mentioned to my parents the other day when talking about the monthly birthday gathering we have that I sometimes forget that I have a child with their birthday in October. My mind forgets. My body never does. It is almost like a plague that can never be healed. Well... it is exactly like that. Truthfully I'm grateful that he is safe and sound and that he doesn't have to suffer like everyone else down here. More often, however, is the resounding question. "Haven't I suffered enough? What else must I do to prove myself?"

It is said in my religion that children who die before they reach the age of accountability (8) are blessed. Especially very little ones, babies. That all they needed to prove themselves, or to gain the highest kingdom in heaven was to gain a body. Could I also say here, the greatest test? Was that Little Angel's greatest test? Choosing to come down here and live, even if it is likely that he knew he wouldn't live long?

No one really knows about the pre-mortal life, or the life to come. Why things happen to people the way they do. Or if any of us knew what we would have to go through if we chose to come down. I'd like to think that Heavenly Father and Jesus would have warned me about all the things that would happen, and how beat up I'd get, and I still chose to come down. It is almost reassuring to know, that even though I knew all that, yet I still decided to go through with it.

Take this post for what you will. It could be on the verge of depression, yet it could also be showing some improvement. Who knows?

It is Friday. Even though it didn't really process with me until around 5:30 pm in the shower. I will now commence in drowning myself with oreos and milk and working on my story. The best part? I won't feel guilty that I have lots of homework to do. ^_^

I'll end by mentioning the "Wise sayings" side bar. Goof Ball has been talking lately (finally!) and I keep forgetting to mention it or update that... enjoy.