A Simple Call

On Saturday, I was spending the day at Rocket Scientist's parent's house. Bug was really enjoying playing with a shape ball. I'm actually not really sure what it is called, but it is a plastic ball with shapes in it that come out when you pull on the two ends. Then you put the shapes back in in the holes on the ball. I hope you all know what I'm talking about...

Anyway, he was enjoying playing with that, but he didn't know how to get the shapes back out. He would give the ball to me, and pat either the floor, or a chair, or the coffee table. Wherever he wanted the shapes to be. This is one of the many "signs" that only me and him really understand. At one point I headed off to the bathroom. When I almost get to the door, I hear, "Mom? Mom??" Awww, my heart almost melted... Before this, he would call for Daddy, but he would hardly ever call (more like never...) for Mom if he needed help. He would just chase after me and force the toy or whatever into my hand. I went back, he gave me the ball thing, and patted the coffee table, and I let out the shapes.

Times like this make me truly appreciate that even though my youngest child died, I still have a cute little guy around to lift my spirits.

Prayer

This is a bit overdue, and I have told some of my family anyway, but I thought I'd share this with my few readers.

On the 7th, I was talking to my mom on the phone and making Bug's lunch at the same time. I was about to put his lunch in front of him, but debating what I should do about blessing the food. When I was about to put my mom on hold so we could bless it, I hear Bug mumble some unknown words to the human ears and say Amen. Out of the corner of my eye I see him unfold his arms. I smile to myself and kind of laugh a little bit. I realize that he blessed his own food, and gave him his lunch, and thank him for saying his own prayer. This was just too cute, and I couldn't not write about it in my blog.

Spring cleaning you might say.

I'm just cleaning out my closet.

When you have a mess and start cleaning, dust flies around. That is what is happening. Dust. Dusty memories that I haven't remembered in a long time. It will be a very thorough (I hope that is the right spelling), but necessary cleaning to my healing.

I'll probably find many scary dust-bunnies, but I know that this is needed, and that I can make it through. My Father will help me. He has many times, and He will not fail me, in this, my darkest hour. Keep reading if you feel you can stand it. I won't be offended if you wish to not take this journey with me. Jesus will carry me through, and I will have the love from Father, and others around me. Honestly, I don't want to go through this cleaning journey either, but I can't live like this anymore. I want others to know who I am. But more then that I want to know who I am. This cleaning will help me find the "choice spirit" inside of me. I do hope that I don't scare my faithful readers away as I have many people, but like I said, I won't be offended. I know in whom I have trusted, and I will continue to trust in Him, and I know that He will always be there for me.

I'm just cleaning out a closet. Dust. That is all it is. (keep telling yourself that Shay)

Should I just give up?

So after getting way excited to be able to catch up with old friends in high school and the friends I made at Jacob Lake on Facebook, it seems like I am still the same ol' brush off I was then.

I wasn't extremely popular in high school, and I must admit, I had a dark side at Jacob Lake and still do and will until I heal from past pains, but does that give people the right just ignore someone? If they didn't want to communicate with me in the first place they could of just refused my friend request. I might have been fine with that, though I'm not really sure. All I want is to have friends. Someone to talk to when times get rough. Someone to laugh with about old times and to remember past enjoyments.

It seems that I'm the only one to feel that way. It makes me really wonder how people see me. Am I really so lame that people don't want to try to be friends? I guess I am, and giving up seems to be the thing. I'll just get hurt again right?

But something inside me says to keep it up. Whatever "it" is. How do you even keep up a one-sided friendship anyway? Talk to yourself?

I know that I'm rambling, and being very negative, but that is how I feel. Should one hide their feelings because they are negative? I think not. Feelings are feelings and we have them for a reason. I guess my problem is that I am and will continue to have a hard time right now. I am in a group and counseling to remember my painful past and will have hard days coming up. I'm trying to use Facebook as an outlet, but it is turning into a negative outlet because of how depressed I am when people don't respond to my attempts of friendliness.

If you made it this far, thank you. I needed to vent for a bit.

Happy Valentines!

Happy Valentine's Day! Rocket Scientist suprized me with the compete novels of Jane Austin compiled into one book (mom has it for reference to my siblings...). I was so happy and excited! I lent out my Pride & Prejudice book to one of my roommates, and she forgot to give it back before the end of the year, and I was way sad when I realized that. And tried to get a hold of her, but I guess she changed her e-mail. Anyway, so I was really grateful that I have it again.

Happy Valentine's to you all!!!

P.S. Rocket Scientist just got home, and there was something for Bug taped to the door. He got a Valentine too!! Yay!

New Poll!!

Well, there is a new poll now. I hope you enjoy it. The question isn't really asking what you would rather have for Valentine's day, just asking what chocolate is your favorite. I realized there might be confusion after I made it.

Enjoy!

Did you have YOUR groundhog?

So, happy groundhog's day everyone!!! Here I am cooking the groundhog. And today of all day's is Bug's first groundhog day, where he was actually old enough to eat it. So we got some lovely pictures of his first opinion of groundhog. Wonderful faces huh?


Well, I hope you had a wonderful groundhog's day, and that you had your groundhog!