Mid-week

So, it is Wednesday. Almost Thursday. Then it will be Friday, Saturday.

And Sunday.

Honestly, the majority of the week, I feel somewhat 'normal' and okay. It's when it gets to be Saturday, sometimes starting as early as Friday when I start getting depressed about the next Sunday. Yes, I know that isn't what would be considered 'healthy.' That's where this blog comes in.

As far as praying is concerned, my bishop suggested just starting with thinking a small "Thank you." And I have done that a few times. Because truthfully, I am grateful for Pro Boxer, for my good friends and for the chance I have to finish my education even with two small crazy kids who keep my house in a constant state of chaos. My family has never given up on me, and I am eternally grateful for that. There are a lot of things that I'm grateful for. Whether or not God wishes to hear my small "Thank you" or not is up to Him. I suppose it is the act of just thinking that which makes the small start.

I have also started once again praying "family prayer" with the kids at night. The last few days before my meeting with the bishop I had not done that, and he specifically mentioned that he hoped that I still was. I didn't comment. Yes, I know better. And yes, I'm trying.

Pro Boxer still seems to be hesitant asking me to pray for family prayer when he is available to join us. In fact since Sunday he hasn't asked me at all. He either says it or asks Bug to do it. But when it is just me and the kids, I sometimes give out a 'routine' prayer. They feel somewhat flat coming out of my mouth. I wouldn't be surprised if God ignored me then. My greatest fear, however, is if I put more feeling into the prayer and specifically ask for things that I need, that He will still ignore me, and not bless me with an answer. At least I'm praying in front of the kids. Hopefully that will be good enough for now.

But this is just after three days of starting my 'rehab.' Give me time. I just thought I'd update you all on how things were going.

And, a personal thank you to Nana for your comment. There's a lot in there that I really appreciated. I once used to be more optimistic like that... I'm (hopefully) back on the road/rocketship(?) to that alien planet of optimism about the things that happened in my life.