a place to post. a place to eat oreos. a place to vent. a place to heal.
i started this blog so i could use a different outlet besides munching on fattening oreos. as if that has done any good... *mind wanders to oreo package in the house...*
then i realized that oreos can be semi symbolic. if you are are that crazy about oreos that is. which... i am.
eating oreos is therapeutic for me. when i am struggling or when i need a pick me up. they have chocolate. and sugar. both of which help lift my mood. not to mention that i eat them soaked with milk, which is my miracle drink.
i post my posts to not only get stuff out. there may be people who read my blog who have been in the same kind of situations as i have. i hope reading them and knowing that others have gone through things like i have, will be to you what eating oreos does to me.
and yes. i didn't capitalize anything in here. i just felt like it. deal with it. munch up.
This is my opinion. You have your opinion. Please refrain from flaming me for what I believe to be truth.
Politics is dangerous ground, and I have always avoided talking about it for fear that someone would shoot me down with negative comments on my negative attitude about it. Please keep an open mind while you read this and know that I am not directing this at any one person.
I am trying to keep up with my Dad's tradition of reading the Book of Mormon in the morning during breakfast. A few mornings ago, I read something that stated clearly what I felt about politics. At this point in time the Nephites are who the scripture is referring to, and Nephi is about to have a revelation about the chief judge murdered by his brother so he can fill the judgment seat. The reference is Helaman 7:4-5
4. And seeing the people in a state of such awful wickedness, and those Gadianton robbers filling the judgment-seats--having usurped the power and authority of the land; laying aside the commandments of God, and not in the least aright before him; doing no justice unto the children of men; 5. Condemning the righteous because of their righteousness; letting the guilty and the wicked go unpunished because of their money; and moreover to be held in office at the head of the government, to rule and do according to their wills, that they might get gain and glory of the world, and, moreover, that they might the more easily commit adultery, and steal, and kill, and do according to their wills--
This is how I feel about the government. I couldn't say it better myself. I didn't vote, and many people may spit at me for it. Even if someone I would have really wanted to get in office actually made it, someone controlled by the devil would find a way to get him out of office. The Book of Mormon is written for our time. Why do you think that? Right before Christ came to the people in the Americas, the government was filled with wicked men, and there was nothing any righteous person could do about it. I feel it is going to be the exact same this second coming I am waiting for. Maybe even worse.
In that reference it says, "Condemning the righteous because of their righteousness". What happened when the gospel was restored? The pioneers were mobbed, murdered, driven from place to place in the dead of winter with shoes that were falling apart. What did the government do when they asked for help? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. They were Americans too. Any other religious group or any group for that matter that would have that kind of torment put on them would have gotten help from the government. They were turned aside like dust in the wind and actually people could legally kill them thanks to Governor Boggs.
These are the last days and the most evil of times. I feel that if I just follow the Lord, everything will end the way He wants and I will be on the right side of the battle. These are my feelings, and belief. Believe what you will. Just stay on the right side of the battle. Stand fast with the Lord.
I'm not sure if I posted this or not, but humor me, Ok? Or, maybe I'll humor you. It is quite a funny story.
When I put Bug's socks and shoes on, I try to remember to say, "This is your right (or left depending) foot." I came up with that idea so I could teach him his right and left. After doing this for a while, I would say, "This shoe goes on your right (or left) foot. Which one is your right (or left) foot?" and see if he could tell me. Sometimes he got it right, sometimes I think he just guessed. I never knew if he really knew which one was right or left.
Quite a while ago, I was putting his shoes on and saying the first phrase I quoted. This particular day I was actually putting his shoes on differently. I usually put them on with him sitting on my lap. That day, I was doing it while he was sitting on a chair facing me. While I was trying to teach him what foot was what, he was denying me. Saying that his left foot was really his right (or vise versa... I can't really remember what one I was putting on at the time). After I was done and I had his shoes on, he was still trying to tell me that his left foot was his right. I realized after I stood up and turned around that he was right. I was messed up because he was facing me instead of being on my lap. I was trying to tell him wrong, and he was right.
Warning: I'm not sure where this post is going... I just needed to get my thoughts out.
I'm not sure I mentioned this yet, but for the past almost month, I have been in hiding. I keep saying that I don't know how to cope, I just hide. And I'm really good at it. Probably too good. In a bad way. Since I'm so good at it, I didn't even realize I was hiding until a few weeks ago. I didn't even know what I was hiding from. Whenever I would try and figure it out, my mind would automatically work on hiding again by distracting me with other things. I think I finally figured it out last night.
I'm hiding from change. I can feel it in the air. Rocket Scientist and I with our little family may not stay in our first apartment for much longer due to the fact of higher rent than is worth the apartments. The cinder-block walls that warm air seeps through like sand through a sieve. Thus causing us to have a high gas bill in the winter. But not only that. I feel a change in me. I know I can do better than I have been. Many people have told me so. How they see potential in me. And not only just potential, but great potential.
I have been told that I'm very confidant or that I at least put off that air. Psh to that. I don't feel confidant in anything. I'm always having to ask others for advice, and I feel I can't do anything right. Maybe that has already been a change in me that I haven't noticed and refused to see. Even though the changes that I know are coming if I just let them are good changes, and would help me and those around me, I am still hiding. Why? I have no idea. Well, I guess I do. I have enjoyed being lazy too much. And just the fact that I can say that (though cringe I might) makes me see hope in the future.
I know the Mary Kay career has potential. I can see that it would help me grow as a person and would definitely help us financially. But am I willing enough to get rid of my lazy self to do it? To do the work that I know I need to to get the benefits that I long for? I am the only one to answer that, and I'm not really sure the answer or really, how to find it. I know I need to find something to motivate me, and that I'm the only one to do that. But where do I look? Where is this secret place that I know not of where I can find the answers to the questions I seek?
Ok, I'm babbling and I realize that. I need to get off my lazy bum and do something. I am aware of this. But it is just so much easier to just sit here and complain about being lazy than to actually change it. I enjoy my computer so much that I don't know what I would do in a solitary day if it crashed. Let's hope I didn't just curse it to happen. But, maybe that is the motivation I need? Keep my computer off for one day and see what happens? Hmmm... interesting concept. It is either that or have it crash cause I didn't knock on wood. You know what? I'll do it. Right after I finish this post, I'm gonna turn off this computer and not wait for the comments to come streaming in. I'm gonna change the laundry and get some dishes done. I'm gonna get three bookings to tell my director about tomorrow.
What can I say? I'm a sucker for jewelry... So remember my earlier post about the handbag thing? Yeah, this is pretty much the same thing but with jewelry. Submit if you want, but I thought I'd try my luck again. Let's hope this time I'm luckier than before. ^_^
Throughout my life, I have seen doctors many times. The main reasons: ear infections, pneumonia, pregnancy. Only for one of these reasons have I found a doctor who seems to know what he is doing, and I would move back to my current town for nine months if ever I get pregnant again away from this wonderful valley just so I could have him as a doctor again.
As far as the doctors I have talked with about pneumonia (or the subsequent lung problems as a result of it) or the ear infections didn't seem to know what to do to cease the infections (as far as the ears go) or the problems (as far as the lungs go).
When I was a child, I continuously suffered from ear infections. The cause? Cold. Who found this out? My wonderful mother and I. The doctor I was going to tried various diets or tests to find the reason why I kept getting infected. From only having three servings of milk a day (which I HATED by the way) to having a sugar-less piece of gum everyday (which I LOVED by the way). I thought he was CRAZY. Why would chewing a piece of gum have any affect on my ear infections? I almost wonder if he was just prolonging our coming to him to supply him with more money.
In some earlier posts this summer I discussed problems I have had with my lungs. The main one consists of such excruciating pain coming from them that I could hardly breathe and felt sure that I had pneumonia again. We went to the Instacare, and to not talk about it all over again (see this post), we left without any explanation as to why my lungs felt like that. My lungs were clear, and all they did was give me pain and nausea killers. We left with the instruction to go to the ER if that ever happened again in case it was a blood clot in my lungs. Once again, my wonderful mother and I realized a solution to the problem. I just have extraordinarily weak lungs from all the bouts of pneumonia I have had. Solution? Play my trumpet. I had even done a test of sorts to prove this theory.
July 4th I had a gig that I was glad to play at. I woke up with pain in my lungs. I dreaded that night playing my trumpet, but I insisted on continuing anyway. One: because I was first trumpet and they needed me, two: because it would give me a chance to test it. I tried to take it easy all day, so as not to strain them in anyway, and then I played the gig. The gig started out with my lungs still pained. By the middle of the first song or the beginning of the second song, they no longer were pained. By the end of the concert I could breathe fully and without stretching my lungs.
With these little discoveries (and in regard to my lungs, quite a big discovery seeing as without air I cannot live) that I have made, without doctors help, would you doubt that I hesitate to go to one of the money leechers and tell them that my lungs ache when I take a big breath or that my constant coughing is wearing my throat raw? Sure, I could play my trumpet every time my lungs start hurting, but what of my neighbors? I can hear them talk through the walls. What I really need, is a way to help my lungs stay strong that isn't quite so loud. Who do I trust to go to to find these answers? Certainly not the doctor who had me leave Instacare with a pain killer medication in my hand and questions running through my head as to why I went there in the first place that he didn't seem able to answer.
As you can see... I have completely lost my faith in doctors.
I mean seriously? My entire concentration is focused on keeping my own food down on a daily basis, no throw up involved, add on the fact that I have to clean up throw up... not a happy mixture.
Bug just threw up all his breakfast. Rocket Scientist wasn't home yet. He was soon to be home, but he wasn't quite there yet. And for some reason, now Bug is begging to go outside to play. He just threw up for pete's sake! Isn't he supposed to be sick with symptoms like that?
At this point in time, I'm weak, nauseated, and have a head ache. I imagine I look like the characters on M*A*S*H when they have a hang over, though I have never experienced one myself. I obviously really REALLY don't want to go to band, but do I have a choice? It is either go and deal with it, or hurry and try and find a sub and try to get my music to the sub in time for him to go to class. Nearly impossible, so I guess I may as well gut it out and go to class. Who knows? Maybe I'll feel better when I'm done. Music always seems to have that effect on me.
I haven't breathed through my nose since Bug started throwing up. Well, I did once, but instantly regretted it. I haven't since. Even now after my amazing hubby cleaned up my inept cleaning job, and took it all out to the dumpster, and sprayed air freshener. I don't dare breathe through my nose.
Well, whatever, I guess I'd better get ready for band... I'll enlighten you all with the rest of today's shenanigans later on I guess.
So, here is a list of Bug's "sayings". Enjoy. Maybe someday I'll do a video of it, and post that... but for now, this is what I've got. Oh, also, I obviously don't ask with these code names. I'm just using them because of the fact that this is a public blog. Just so you know. ^_^
What does Exelente say? -"Hey!"
What does Mr. Huzzah say? -"Hiya, hiya!"
What does Pavlov say? -"Ahhhh"
What does Grandma say? -"I love you!"
What does Daddy say? -"Ke, ke, ke"
What does Mommy say? -"Peeeeu!" (he made that one on his own..... I sigh cause at least he didn't say "No" with it... *wipes forehead* whew...
And I think that is all... If not, sorry I missed yours. ^_^ I'll try to remember to do a video of him doing it so you can actually hear his cute voice saying these cute things, but until then, hoped you enjoyed. ^_^
1. Where were you when you first found out you when you found out you were pregnant? -At Rocket Scientist's parents' house. We were staying there for the summer until school started again. 2. Who was with you? -Just me, myself, and I. I took a picture of it. (Sadly enough, I didn't know how to do close ups with my camera back then, and do now...)
3. What was your first reaction? -I honestly don't remember, shock? We had just gotten married only two months before... 4. What was your husband's reaction? -I can't remember this either... probably shock as well... 5. Who was the first person you told? -lol guess what? I can't remember... Probably my mom... 6. Were the pregnancies planned? -First one nope, second one yup. 7. Was everyone happy for you? -Of course!!! 8. What was the sex? -Boy. 9. Did anyone throw a shower for you? -Yup. I think it was my sister, but we invited people from the ward, and my friends as well. 10. Did you get any outfits you wouldn't use? -From the shower, probably not. But we got a lot of hand-me-downs that I wouldn't put on Bug for the life of me... lol 11. How much weight did you gain? -I can't remember... too much though in my opinion. lol 12. Did you get stretch marks? -Yup. 13. Did you crave anything crazy? -Not that I can remember. Some of these questions should be directed at the hubby... I'm sure he would have remembered this one... lol 14. Who or what got on your nerves the most? -Well, I was in marching band during the first trimester, and there was a "helper" there who thought he knew everything about marching (he didn't) and plus.... he smoked there while we were practicing.... yeah. It was hard enough to get the air that we needed without his smoke! Plus, I was pregnant!!! I talked to the director and he made him stop. To this day, I don't know what that guy was there for... 15. Where were you when you went into labor? -They induced me, so I was hooked up and everything before I felt contractions. 16. Did you have any complications? -Thankfully no. I did have high blood pressure which caused them to induce me, but other than that... *wipes forehead* whew... 17. Did your water break? -Uh... yeah... duh, it would have to. But it didn't on its own. I answered the question that should have been asked... 18. Who drove you to the hospital? -Rocket Scientist 19. Did you go early or late? -4 days too late. 20. Who was in the room? -Rocket Scientist, my amazing doctor, and the nurse. Oh, and the nurse told me to stop pushing at one point because he was crowning before the doctor was even there... yeah... lol 21. Did you video tape it? -Uh... no? Do people actually do that? 22. Did you have any pain medication? -Yup. Epidural. 23. Did you have a c-section or natural? -Natural 24. What was your reaction to the birth? -Wow 25. How big was the baby? -7 lbs. 2 oz. mmm.... 11 inches? Can't remember off the top of my head... 26. Did your husband cry? -Nope. He isn't much for tears. 27. When is the next one coming? -October 24, 2007 28. If you could would you do it all over again? -Uh... yeah. I'm pregnant remember? ^_^
I tag: Jan, Can, Amy, PC (and Snow White ^_^), Tara, and seriously, whoever wants to. ^_^
So, the post below this is about voting for me to be the next (fluff)President. I would like your votes, faithful readers, but truth be told... you can only vote for me if you first have a facebook account, second if you add the (fluff)friends application. This is just another fun game thing that they have come up with, and I think it will be fun, so I thought I'd run... In reality, anyone can run, so yeah... If you do have a facebook account, and have not as of yet added this application, I suggest you do. Not so you can vote for me (and every time you vote, it counts as two being a new addition to the "(fluff)family") but because it is my favorite application. It is really fun, and I enjoy it. Anyway, that is my two bits and explaination to the previous post. ^_^
