I hate that question.
It isn't even a question anymore, but a greeting, and if you don't answer in the usual/expected answer: "I'm good." then you get funny looks or another question. "Aww, what's wrong?" Then they don't even listen to your answer, if you even choose to give them a truthful answer.
There is the rare chance when someone will ask "How are you?" genuinely, but they hardly ever actually pay close attention to your answer. If you are really crappy that day you aren't gonna say that to them, because the question could very well be the greeting and they really don't care how you are doing.
On the other hand when I am having a crappy day, I long for someone to ask me that question. How do I answer? "I'm good." That is the expected answer an if you answer any differently, they avoid you the rest of the day because they don't want to feel obligated to ask, "Why?"
I guess the question I really long to hear is, "How are you REALLY doing?" Because then I know it isn't just the greeting or a heartfelt question yet not really paying attention to my actions. They really want to know how I am doing. Then I feel I can break down into tears and tell them all my sorrows. Ok, maybe not that bad, I'd restrict myself a little unless they kept asking questions and I would answer. I want to know just how much they want to know about my crappy day before I tell them every little detail.
Just cause I know you are dieing to ask... I'm not all that great right now. I'll go through a conversation that would never happen because I would never say these things although I certainly feel like it:
Imaginary "friend": "How are you doing, Shay?"
Me: "I'm good."
Imaginary "friend": "Oh, that's nice... I'm doing..."
Me: "Actually it isn't nice. I was lying. How do you think I'm doing? I feel crappy. My son died last year and I have had a whole year to ache over it. Should I be doing wonderful? Should I be the wonderfully "strong" person you watched comfort everyone else at my sons funeral? Do you expect me to be the same amazingly wonderful and strong person that only cried once during the funeral and graveside service? Who sang at the funeral? I can't always be that person. I can't always be happy go lucky and live up to everyone's standards. Yet I feel obligated because of what everyone has told me for a year. 'She's so strong' keeps echoing through my head. How am I? I'm feeling crappy right now, thanks for asking."
End of my imaginary conversation. By this time, the Imaginary "friend" has walked off in haste saying she actually needed to be somewhere, and I'm railing to the air.
Sometimes I just want to answer that question in a happy, cheerful voice, "I'm horrible today actually, how are you?" and see if they pick up on the words or just listen to my tone.
How am I? Crappy, thanks for asking.
Oh how I hate that question.
2 comments:
I know what you mean, sometimes I wish people wouldn't say that. like you, I usually try to find a way around it. Though, a few times I have had one of those conversations that made the other person a little uneasy. but hey, they asked. anyway...I would love to know how you're doing, I think about you a lot. I sense you are sad. I am not the best listener, but I'll try. if you need me, you know where to find me. you have the right to be sad, I cried the other day when I watched a show that had a baby in the NICU. I cried a lot while she was in the hospital. it's normal to miss your baby, it's good to miss them. it's ok! you're ok, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel.
I am glad you are finally admitting to someone (even if it is on this blog), how you are truly feeling. You kept too much hidden. even if you cry or really miss Donavan no one would think you were weaker. You went through something that may others will never ever face in thier lives. No matter how you act or handle it you are strong. I don't need you to put on a show. I was worried more about you when you didn't cry and when you acted like everything was okay. I know that you buried it all deep down. Let it out and let those around you help. I am always willing to listen to you and you can never make me uneasy, because I want to be there for you. I know that the next week or more is going to be extremely hard on you. Know that I am thinking of you constantly and wish I was closer to help you more. I love ya and want you to vent all those feelings and get them out. It is about time you did!!!!
Post a Comment