Future

So as of late, I have been thinking of the future.  Naturally, I can fully be a mom now that my schooling life is over, and I eased into that easier than I thought I would.  I feared that I would be a grump and get too "You're in my space!!" like, or get overly upset that they are constantly whining or whatever.  But ... I guess I have just been blessed with really good kids (or their school year isn't over so I'm not spending ALL my time with them yet).

More than that though - I have WAY too many hobbies.  Shall I list them?

• Knitting
• Trumpet
• Drawing/sketching/coloring (yes coloring)
• Writing
• Reading
• Cross stitch
• Plants
• Embroidery
• Japanese (including anime watching and manga reading)
• Piano
• Blogging
• Yoga
• (add random various extras that I'm sure I forgot)

Then the list of need to do things (since we are making lists already).

• Housework
• Work work (Mary Kay)
• Writing groups (which also may contribute to work work if things actually start getting published)
• Make meals
• Buy things for said meals
• Organize recipe books into one complete recipe book filled with recipes that we actually use
• Organize other random piles and finally decide where the things in miscellaneous piles should go in the house.
• Exercise - which entails crunching to a song and walking around the block til my legs want to give way every morning, and kempo (a Japanese martial art that I recently started trying out - still not sure if I want to fully pursue it) on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

That is of course not including kid interruptions - which can be on either or both lists.  It is also not including any "me" time, though any of the hobbies can help contribute to that, especially reading and knitting.  And then the fears come in.

• What if my writing isn't good enough to make it?  Am I just wasting time?
• What if my writing IS good enough and I actually publish something and get somewhat well known by people I don't know?  Where would my anonymity go?  Would I be able to handle people knowing my name, or gasp of all gasps, I got so well known and idolized so much I became a guest at a writing convention...?  Will my face be on a website not my own, and when my name is googled, will my face or things I published come up in google images??
• Should I try to get a job at a yarn store instead, and teach people how to knit?
• Will I be able to conquer my fears surrounding what needs to be done to get my Mary Kay business really running?

I know, I'm thinking into this really deep.  But when I go into things, I don't go into them half-heartedly.  I strive to do them as perfectly as I possibly can.  And if I do it as perfectly as I possibly can, the end results are the most extravagant that I can imagine.  And it makes me think... maybe I have too much on my plate.

But yet, at the same time... I still feel like I have all the free time in the world.  I'm considering other things that would take up even more of my time despite that with those lists - I can't really take on more.  I am finding the severe need to prioritize.

The lazy me doesn't want to do any of that - just wants to sit back with a good book, or good anime and knit, or just... not do anything truly worthwhile.  The knowledgeable me knows that I wouldn't like myself very much if I were to do that.  I did it for nearly four years of my life, and truthfully - I can't remember much from those years.  So as I was driving home from martial arts today I decided.  That I needed to make two lists (hey, look at that... how convenient I just made two lists!!) and switch from one to the other every half hour or so, doing different things from each list depending on what I want to do most on the hobby one, and probably the one I want to do least (or the one that needs it the most) on the need to do one.  Hopefully I will switch what things I do on each list to give me time to do all of my hobbies and not slack on the talents I have been given.  This will hopefully boost my productivity   If anything, I know how to waste time.  Last summer there were many times when me and Pro Boxer would sit at our computers after breakfast doing our individual slacker things, and suddenly the kids would come upstairs and would complain about needing food and when I looked at the clock I would realize that oh! it is already 8:30 pm!

Tomorrow maybe I am going to go searching for a clock that will dong every hour.  It may be annoying or distracting at first - but I am sure it will help me.  That will be my timer for this new and improved, Shay-get-off-your-butt-and-worrying-about-the-future plan.  And no matter how actively or procrastinatingly I do things, it will force me to switch gears, and that I had found during this last semester of homework, very useful for me when forced to do unpleasant things.  If I had a break every half hour, my mind didn't turn to mush nearly as easily.

So here's to trying to battle my future fears, and just get up and do things.  I will keep you updated on how it goes.