I just read Pavlov's most recent post and I also am having problems with feeling like what I do is actually appriciated. I'm sure every mother has had this feeling, but I am really wondering if I'm really being selfish. It is a difficult question that I don't know what the answer is or how to even find the answer. Maybe it is time to evaluate my belief window? You know when you cry really hard and when you finish you have been scrunching up your forehead so much that you have a head ache? Yeah, that is how it feels.
Is my want for appreciation just a want? Or is it a need? Do I really need Rocket Scientist to help with chores or am I being lazy and just want him to do it so they get done? Who knows? How do I find out? Early in my life I learned that my needs were unimportant. Sure, a lie I know. But how do I get out of that? I have believed that so long that I don't even know what my needs are. And how to get them met. So am I really searching for my needs or am I being selfish? I guess I'm the only one to answer that, but I don't know how to go about it. Rocket Scientist is waiting for me to open up and talk since he doesn't know why I had a huge crying fit anyway.
Well, here goes...
2 comments:
i'm sure, in fact pretty positive, that what you do as a mother and wife do not go unnoticed, nor do they go unappreciated.
it is a need for you to feel validated and appreciated. it is a need we all have, and interestingly enough, it is also a want. and needs/wants are important, for sure. this is about voicing the need, discussing it with RS, and figuring it out together what the compromise will be.
about the chores, well, i think to find out you could simply do them. try to keep busy serving the two of them, but still take small little breaks throughout the day so you don't get completely burned out. if you do them with an attitude of service and love, they won't seem like chores.
if there's still stuff to do later in the day (assuming he's at work/school), go ahead and ask him to help out... many hands make small chores out of seemingly big ones, so then they get knocked out and you can better enjoy evenings with the two of them.
(not that i really know the first thing about marriage... :) but hopefully it helped)
Everyone goes through times where they need help, sometimes it is a sincere thanks that I need, other times I just need to hide-out and let others help. :o) for me it's easier to do it than nag...
Something that makes this easier for me is to view the things I do around the house as the way I show my love for my family. I want to create a happy and orderly atmosphere for them. And I view hubby's going to work (even though sometimes we both wish we could switch places for a day) as HIS way of showing his love for us.
Those are my thoughts! :o)
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