October

And now me.

"I'm not happy, Bob.  NOT HAPPY."

And I'm sick and tired of pretending that I am.  Why in the hell would I be happy that my child died?

Ok, let's back up.

In case you didn't know, October is the month Little Angel was born.  So October is a pretty sore month anyway.  But also in case you didn't know, October is SIDS awareness month.  Heh.  Coincidence has a pretty horrible sense of humor.

Kind-meaning friends tag me in posts on Bacefook dealing with SIDS thinking they ... oh I don't know, are being helpful?  Stabbing my chest?  Giving me an internet hug?  I have enough reminders around this time of year (the only two months he saw), and I'm not sure I need more reminders on Bacefook.  I've thought about disappearing from the internet planet for a whole month, but that is probably very unlikely to happen.

Oh, I'm sure we'll celebrate Little Angel's birthday the same way we do every year (this year it will be 6 balloons), but so far, it hasn't healed my broken heart.  I almost wonder if it just makes me more angry.

Yes, I'm angry.  So angry, in fact, that I asked my kempo teacher if we could kick things a lot that day (it just so happens that it's the same day this year that I have a kempo class), and when I told him why I had a specific day that I wanted to kick things, he said, "I will let you kick to your heart's content!"

Fantastic.  At least this year, I know I have some pretty helpful therapy sessions twice a week.  Who knows what day of the week his death day falls on, but I almost sincerely hope it is a Tuesday or Thursday.