So I found out by accident how to fix the nightmares (and the back aches, and headaches, and neck aches that I was having by sleeping with two wiggly boys). One night Goof Ball came back upstairs after putting the kids to bed and said he was scared of spiders and then started walking to our room to sleep in the master. I tried to convince him to go back to his room, saying that Bug was there, and he shouldn't be scared. He ended up crying on the floor and I gently picked him up and carried him downstairs. When I put him in his bed, he started to get back out of it, and I worried that he was trying to go back upstairs, and again tried to convince him to stay in his bed.
"I need to stay with Bug!" he said.
And I stood there, taken aback, as Goof Ball answered all of my questions. He got his blanket and pillow and took it to the twin bed that Bug sleeps in. Since then I have not had kids in my bed when I wake up, and I can only assume that they've been sleeping together each night.
Bug's testimony: "I don't have bad dreams when Goof Ball is with me."
Well that's good. Maybe they got used to community sleeping or something throughout the nightmare epidemic. But at least they found their own solution.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
October
And now me.
"I'm not happy, Bob. NOT HAPPY."
And I'm sick and tired of pretending that I am. Why in the hell would I be happy that my child died?
Ok, let's back up.
In case you didn't know, October is the month Little Angel was born. So October is a pretty sore month anyway. But also in case you didn't know, October is SIDS awareness month. Heh. Coincidence has a pretty horrible sense of humor.
Kind-meaning friends tag me in posts on Bacefook dealing with SIDS thinking they ... oh I don't know, are being helpful? Stabbing my chest? Giving me an internet hug? I have enough reminders around this time of year (the only two months he saw), and I'm not sure I need more reminders on Bacefook. I've thought about disappearing from the internet planet for a whole month, but that is probably very unlikely to happen.
Oh, I'm sure we'll celebrate Little Angel's birthday the same way we do every year (this year it will be 6 balloons), but so far, it hasn't healed my broken heart. I almost wonder if it just makes me more angry.
Yes, I'm angry. So angry, in fact, that I asked my kempo teacher if we could kick things a lot that day (it just so happens that it's the same day this year that I have a kempo class), and when I told him why I had a specific day that I wanted to kick things, he said, "I will let you kick to your heart's content!"
Fantastic. At least this year, I know I have some pretty helpful therapy sessions twice a week. Who knows what day of the week his death day falls on, but I almost sincerely hope it is a Tuesday or Thursday.
Dream Catcher
So there's this little game out there called Plants vs. Zombies.
Bug watched a friend play it one day while we were hanging out at their house. And then the nightmares came.
I think it has been, oh... a month or so and Bug has been scared of going to sleep every night. He keeps talking about how he has "bad thoughts" (he doesn't want to say the word "zombies") and wants to watch movies before he goes to sleep so he can have "good thoughts." I have tried to help him by saying to ask Heavenly Father for help, or singing his favorite primary song, or... oh, I have tried all sorts of things. I even pulled out my old dream catcher (the thing I needed to get out of the garage mentioned in the last post) to see if that would help. I remember that the dream catcher helped me not have bad dreams.
Last night when we had the blessing on the dinner, Bug said "and please help the dream catcher to work" among other pleas to have good dreams. I still woke up to both kids in my bed with me. Goof Ball is scared to be downstairs without his brother.
Anyway, maybe it is just the season, or something, or the fact that it is getting darker earlier... I don't know what, but Bug's worst nightmare is zombies - and Goof Ball is scared of spiders.
I don't remember all of Bug's nightmares, but probably the most striking (and most terrifying?) is this one: We were in the delivery room to have another baby and the doctor came in to deliver, but the doctor wasn't a doctor, he was a scientist and when he delivered the baby, he turned it into a zombie. *shudder... I can see how that would scare a 7 year old.
Super Grover! To the rescue!!!
Once upon a time Pro Boxer and I went on a date to Borders (you know, when it still existed...) and we found a stuffed Grover toy. I giggled as I picked it up and shoved it in Pro Boxer's face.
"Near!" I said, then ran a distance away from him, making sure to have Grover's arms and legs flailing the whole time.
Then I turned around and said, "Far!"
Lather, rinse, repeat. (or just repeat - over and over and over.) Naturally we had to get the doll, so we did. I can't remember if we got it then, or if Pro Boxer bought it for me as a present, but anyway - we have it now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhEcRrMA-M
So Goof Ball is going to preschool again this year and at the beginning of the year, the teachers told me what their goals were for him. Apparently he didn't understand the difference between near and far (see where I'm going with this?). I just nodded and kept listening to them, thinking about the Grover movie (see link above). A few days after when I needed to get something from the garage I dug out the Grover doll that had been put in my "memories" box. When I got back in the house, I shoved the doll in Goof Ball's face and said, "Near!"
And well... yeah. He giggled. A lot. And when he started doing it with me, I let him take over the control of the Grover doll and we watched the movie. I had it a bit wrong, and Grover is more entertaining on the video, but well... he got it in that one 5-10 min sitting, and I just had to smile to myself.
Just wait, it gets better.
Just a few days ago I got a call from his preschool and his teacher said that he already met one of his goals. I held back asking what one it was (even though I already guessed it) until they told me on their own and told me what the next step for that goal was. I just smiled to myself and said, "Yeah, that's fine." After I hung up I had a good laugh. I thought about telling them about Grover, but I figured I'd tell them when I next saw them in person.
"Near!" I said, then ran a distance away from him, making sure to have Grover's arms and legs flailing the whole time.
Then I turned around and said, "Far!"
Lather, rinse, repeat. (or just repeat - over and over and over.) Naturally we had to get the doll, so we did. I can't remember if we got it then, or if Pro Boxer bought it for me as a present, but anyway - we have it now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhEcRrMA-M
So Goof Ball is going to preschool again this year and at the beginning of the year, the teachers told me what their goals were for him. Apparently he didn't understand the difference between near and far (see where I'm going with this?). I just nodded and kept listening to them, thinking about the Grover movie (see link above). A few days after when I needed to get something from the garage I dug out the Grover doll that had been put in my "memories" box. When I got back in the house, I shoved the doll in Goof Ball's face and said, "Near!"
And well... yeah. He giggled. A lot. And when he started doing it with me, I let him take over the control of the Grover doll and we watched the movie. I had it a bit wrong, and Grover is more entertaining on the video, but well... he got it in that one 5-10 min sitting, and I just had to smile to myself.
Just wait, it gets better.
Just a few days ago I got a call from his preschool and his teacher said that he already met one of his goals. I held back asking what one it was (even though I already guessed it) until they told me on their own and told me what the next step for that goal was. I just smiled to myself and said, "Yeah, that's fine." After I hung up I had a good laugh. I thought about telling them about Grover, but I figured I'd tell them when I next saw them in person.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Shorinji Kempo
When I first mentioned this on my blog a few posts down I said it was a Japanese martial art. Well, that is kind of true - but more than that, it isn't about fighting, it is about defending yourself, and anyone around you. There are offensive techniques, but those are taught to be used when it is already clear that you or someone near you is getting attacked.
In any case, it is more a way of life, a form of living rather than a martial art. We meditate every practice, and we talk about values. It is founded on the Buddhism values, but as it is taught in America, we don't focus on the religious aspect of it, but the mindset and trying to find peace in life and stuff like that. It is hard to explain.
But for me, it has become to be a form of therapy. I have a lot of anger built up that I hid myself from my whole life. And there have been times when I went to kempo holding in all that anger throughout the day. And then sensei would pull out the big rectangular pads, as large as a torso and I got really excited, because that means we are practicing kicks. Having done dance for 13 years of my life, my legs were always more strong than my arms, which means my kicks are a lot stronger than my punches. And kicking things when I'm angry and frustrated is really helpful. And therapeutic. It has helped me more than anything else since my bubble popped about a year ago and all my angry emotions came flying out.
And that's why I have stuck with it all summer despite the lung problems and the palpitating heart. And for the first time in probably nearing 10 years, I can feel muscle in my upper arm instead of just flab. It doesn't raise up yet when I flex, but I can feel it. But disregarding the good things it is doing for my physical body, my emotions and my mind probably get some of the best benefit from it. I always feel really refreshed in all aspects after kempo.
In any case, it is more a way of life, a form of living rather than a martial art. We meditate every practice, and we talk about values. It is founded on the Buddhism values, but as it is taught in America, we don't focus on the religious aspect of it, but the mindset and trying to find peace in life and stuff like that. It is hard to explain.
But for me, it has become to be a form of therapy. I have a lot of anger built up that I hid myself from my whole life. And there have been times when I went to kempo holding in all that anger throughout the day. And then sensei would pull out the big rectangular pads, as large as a torso and I got really excited, because that means we are practicing kicks. Having done dance for 13 years of my life, my legs were always more strong than my arms, which means my kicks are a lot stronger than my punches. And kicking things when I'm angry and frustrated is really helpful. And therapeutic. It has helped me more than anything else since my bubble popped about a year ago and all my angry emotions came flying out.
And that's why I have stuck with it all summer despite the lung problems and the palpitating heart. And for the first time in probably nearing 10 years, I can feel muscle in my upper arm instead of just flab. It doesn't raise up yet when I flex, but I can feel it. But disregarding the good things it is doing for my physical body, my emotions and my mind probably get some of the best benefit from it. I always feel really refreshed in all aspects after kempo.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Fun quotes
I haven't been keeping up with letting you know what we have been up to this summer, as you know, but I thought I would record this fun conversation that happened when we were on a trip.
We stopped at a place to eat near a lake and I noticed the gas price. I can't remember how high it was now, but this is what happened after.
Me: "Whoa... look at that price!"
Pro Boxer: "Yeah, let's not fuel up here."
I didn't respond for a moment because I heard: "Yeah, it's not fuel up here," and all I could think was, Why wouldn't it be fuel? What else would it be? Eventually....
Me: "Oh!! Yeah, let's not do that." (cause I finally realized what he really said.)
He looked at me funny, wondering why it took me that long to respond and after I explained it, we had a good laugh. ^_^
And a few random quotes from the kids:
Goof Ball:
~"Mom, is this yours?" He is insanely obsessed with knowing who possesses all the items in the house, and amazingly enough, sticks to leaving the things that are mine alone. For a four year old, that is pretty surprising.
~"I'm not a silly kid, you a silly kid!" and naturally I respond, "I'm not a silly kid, you're a silly kid!" - this goes on for a long time, and it varies depending on if I first called him a goof ball, silly goose, crazy kid, etc...
~"Mom, I wanna go home." The silly thing with this sentence is he says it when we are home and he wants to go somewhere else. Then I have to try to explain to his silly and very stubborn brain that we are home. He often gets upset and starts crying at this news. :)
~"It's my turn!" This isn't too odd for someone his age, but the surprising thing about it, is that he lets Bug have his turn on the ipad until the clock chimes (which has turned into a change-who-plays-with-ipad alarm rather than, Shay-get-off-your-butt-and-do-things alarm). Often I didn't even notice the clock chime when I hear Goof Ball say this, but then I look at the clock and see that it is indeed either :15, :30, :45, or :00.
Bug:
~"I wanna do homework." This happened after I told him how soon school would start, and he started printing worksheet things off of starfall.com and dutifully showed them to me to correct and put a sticker on them. Hopefully that enthusiasm will continue.
~"Mom, that hurted my ears." I corrected him on the right way to say hurt in past tense (really, is there a present or plain tense for hurt???) The next time he started to say hurted again, but corrected himself and said it the right way. I just had to smile. He is growing so much, and loves learning.
~"Mom, I want to do an experiment." He then proceeds to tell me how solids are solids and liquids are liquids and says he wants to put juice in ice trays and put them in the freezer during the night. I told him we couldn't do that one, but thank goodness he had a second experiment which is to see how long it would take an ice cube to melt when placed in the sun. Again, we used the chimes as our time placers and tallied how many times the clock chimed. Bug guessed 1 chime and it would be melted, I guessed 4. We were both wrong. Any guesses?
Truthfully, I would like to write more specific quotes from Bug, but he is just so random and around-the-bushy with the way he talks, that it is hard to really get anything straight from him. Which obviously makes it hard for me to remember specific quotes. But sometimes he will just randomly say, "Mom," and I'll say "what," and he'll say, "I love you." Which is the quote I love best to hear.
We stopped at a place to eat near a lake and I noticed the gas price. I can't remember how high it was now, but this is what happened after.
Me: "Whoa... look at that price!"
Pro Boxer: "Yeah, let's not fuel up here."
I didn't respond for a moment because I heard: "Yeah, it's not fuel up here," and all I could think was, Why wouldn't it be fuel? What else would it be? Eventually....
Me: "Oh!! Yeah, let's not do that." (cause I finally realized what he really said.)
He looked at me funny, wondering why it took me that long to respond and after I explained it, we had a good laugh. ^_^
And a few random quotes from the kids:
Goof Ball:
~"Mom, is this yours?" He is insanely obsessed with knowing who possesses all the items in the house, and amazingly enough, sticks to leaving the things that are mine alone. For a four year old, that is pretty surprising.
~"I'm not a silly kid, you a silly kid!" and naturally I respond, "I'm not a silly kid, you're a silly kid!" - this goes on for a long time, and it varies depending on if I first called him a goof ball, silly goose, crazy kid, etc...
~"Mom, I wanna go home." The silly thing with this sentence is he says it when we are home and he wants to go somewhere else. Then I have to try to explain to his silly and very stubborn brain that we are home. He often gets upset and starts crying at this news. :)
~"It's my turn!" This isn't too odd for someone his age, but the surprising thing about it, is that he lets Bug have his turn on the ipad until the clock chimes (which has turned into a change-who-plays-with-ipad alarm rather than, Shay-get-off-your-butt-and-do-things alarm). Often I didn't even notice the clock chime when I hear Goof Ball say this, but then I look at the clock and see that it is indeed either :15, :30, :45, or :00.
Bug:
~"I wanna do homework." This happened after I told him how soon school would start, and he started printing worksheet things off of starfall.com and dutifully showed them to me to correct and put a sticker on them. Hopefully that enthusiasm will continue.
~"Mom, that hurted my ears." I corrected him on the right way to say hurt in past tense (really, is there a present or plain tense for hurt???) The next time he started to say hurted again, but corrected himself and said it the right way. I just had to smile. He is growing so much, and loves learning.
~"Mom, I want to do an experiment." He then proceeds to tell me how solids are solids and liquids are liquids and says he wants to put juice in ice trays and put them in the freezer during the night. I told him we couldn't do that one, but thank goodness he had a second experiment which is to see how long it would take an ice cube to melt when placed in the sun. Again, we used the chimes as our time placers and tallied how many times the clock chimed. Bug guessed 1 chime and it would be melted, I guessed 4. We were both wrong. Any guesses?
Truthfully, I would like to write more specific quotes from Bug, but he is just so random and around-the-bushy with the way he talks, that it is hard to really get anything straight from him. Which obviously makes it hard for me to remember specific quotes. But sometimes he will just randomly say, "Mom," and I'll say "what," and he'll say, "I love you." Which is the quote I love best to hear.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Personalities
I feel like I'm finally starting to get a grasp on my kids' personalities. I may have known before, but I'm finally seeing where they come from, and able to articulate what their personalities are like.
Bug is very serious minded. I mean, he is a kid like any other and likes to have fun and be silly... but he isn't nearly as silly as his little brother. I can't tell you the many times when Bug would take a joke of Pro Boxer's seriously and have to be reconciled by me to let him know that Daddy was just joking. I still have to - many times over. In this, I think Bug gets it from me. But then he seems to also have some of Pro Boxer in him with how he likes to have things organized and gets frustrated at Goof Ball for the times when he messes things up. Don't get me wrong, our house is far from clean - but in certain things, he likes to have it organized and set... even when he was a baby playing with blocks, he lined them up perfectly. He didn't build things like I thought, but he would make sure everything was in its place. Someone gave him crayons and a coloring book, and what did he do? He lined the crayons up on the ground. :)
As for Goof Ball... I think I had a bit of an understanding of his character and personality for a while. I'm judging that off of his blog name. I came up with that when he was probably 6 months or so... and it still hasn't changed. But on top of his complete goofiness (that he clearly gets from Pro Boxer), he also is really stubborn. Like me. We have had many a meal battle, and I often won. I have 24 more years of stubborn experience than him, so that is to be expected. But he since has found a way to win in his own sneaky way, and it pisses me off. :) "Eat or go to bed." That's the rule I set up. One time I set a plate in front of him, and he looked up at me and said, "I tired." Its like he knew he couldn't win, so he just gave up from the get go. I don't know what to do with him sometimes. :) Though this knowing that he can't win against my stubbornness helped when we started potty training. Pro Boxer couldn't do anything to get him to go pee on the toilet. My school stopped, within a week later, he was peeing on the toilet. It's like he said to himself, "Well, Mom's at it now, guess I can't win anymore... may as well give in."
(I have to insert here, what just happened. He didn't finish his breakfast this morning, because he is still on the tail end of his food strike. He came to me complaining about the wii remotes not having batteries. But then he asked for juice. I said he needed to finish his food before he got any juice. He went over and looked at it then said, "I don't need juice." And I said fine. ..... little punk.)
Goof Ball gets one more paragraph, because this is one aspect of his character that I just started to realize. So he is goofy, and stubborn. But he is also stubborn with his goofiness. When he wants to be silly, nothing can stop him. In this, there is no way for me to win over his stubbornness. I'm trying to get Bug to realize this as well, because sometimes Bug wants to be serious with something or other, but Goof Ball is being completely crazy, and no one can stop him. My excuse to Bug when this happens is, "He's just four. He doesn't understand rules or anything like that, so just try to play by his rules." Which works for now. :)
I have to wonder how these two completely different personalities will continue to grow with each other... :)
Potty story:
So as Goof Ball has been really focused on potty stuff lately, this happened. I told my mom about it on the phone and she said I should put it on here... I am just getting to it now.
I had a friend over, and she needed to use the bathroom. So I stayed where I was as she left and Goof Ball followed her. I heard him lay down in front of the bathroom (like he had many times when I went, I don't even really think about it anymore). After a moment, he said, "Mom! She's going pee!" because he could hear it. My poor friend was so startled, that she stopped instinctively even though she had more to go. The silence made Goof Ball say, "Mom! She's going poop!" Well that earned him an exasperated sigh from me as my palm hit my forehead. Then he said, "I need to go pee." So I took him to the downstairs bathroom. Only to find a text a few moments later from my friend telling me to take him away. :) I got the text a little late... but anyway, that's the story.
And since I told a story about Goof Ball, here is the latest interesting information from Bug:
Apparently when Goof Ball turns 5 then we are going to have another baby in the house. This is not an official announcement from me trying to be creative in saying that I'm expecting (I'm not...) this is purely from the Bug's mouth. But if that is the case, I guess I need to get my IUD out and get busy, because Goof Ball turns 5 in June... This statement also shows just how calculating and serious Bug is. He decided this at least a year ago - and he still hasn't wavered or forgot about it. Let's just say... I have silly kids.
Bug is very serious minded. I mean, he is a kid like any other and likes to have fun and be silly... but he isn't nearly as silly as his little brother. I can't tell you the many times when Bug would take a joke of Pro Boxer's seriously and have to be reconciled by me to let him know that Daddy was just joking. I still have to - many times over. In this, I think Bug gets it from me. But then he seems to also have some of Pro Boxer in him with how he likes to have things organized and gets frustrated at Goof Ball for the times when he messes things up. Don't get me wrong, our house is far from clean - but in certain things, he likes to have it organized and set... even when he was a baby playing with blocks, he lined them up perfectly. He didn't build things like I thought, but he would make sure everything was in its place. Someone gave him crayons and a coloring book, and what did he do? He lined the crayons up on the ground. :)
As for Goof Ball... I think I had a bit of an understanding of his character and personality for a while. I'm judging that off of his blog name. I came up with that when he was probably 6 months or so... and it still hasn't changed. But on top of his complete goofiness (that he clearly gets from Pro Boxer), he also is really stubborn. Like me. We have had many a meal battle, and I often won. I have 24 more years of stubborn experience than him, so that is to be expected. But he since has found a way to win in his own sneaky way, and it pisses me off. :) "Eat or go to bed." That's the rule I set up. One time I set a plate in front of him, and he looked up at me and said, "I tired." Its like he knew he couldn't win, so he just gave up from the get go. I don't know what to do with him sometimes. :) Though this knowing that he can't win against my stubbornness helped when we started potty training. Pro Boxer couldn't do anything to get him to go pee on the toilet. My school stopped, within a week later, he was peeing on the toilet. It's like he said to himself, "Well, Mom's at it now, guess I can't win anymore... may as well give in."
(I have to insert here, what just happened. He didn't finish his breakfast this morning, because he is still on the tail end of his food strike. He came to me complaining about the wii remotes not having batteries. But then he asked for juice. I said he needed to finish his food before he got any juice. He went over and looked at it then said, "I don't need juice." And I said fine. ..... little punk.)
Goof Ball gets one more paragraph, because this is one aspect of his character that I just started to realize. So he is goofy, and stubborn. But he is also stubborn with his goofiness. When he wants to be silly, nothing can stop him. In this, there is no way for me to win over his stubbornness. I'm trying to get Bug to realize this as well, because sometimes Bug wants to be serious with something or other, but Goof Ball is being completely crazy, and no one can stop him. My excuse to Bug when this happens is, "He's just four. He doesn't understand rules or anything like that, so just try to play by his rules." Which works for now. :)
I have to wonder how these two completely different personalities will continue to grow with each other... :)
Potty story:
So as Goof Ball has been really focused on potty stuff lately, this happened. I told my mom about it on the phone and she said I should put it on here... I am just getting to it now.
I had a friend over, and she needed to use the bathroom. So I stayed where I was as she left and Goof Ball followed her. I heard him lay down in front of the bathroom (like he had many times when I went, I don't even really think about it anymore). After a moment, he said, "Mom! She's going pee!" because he could hear it. My poor friend was so startled, that she stopped instinctively even though she had more to go. The silence made Goof Ball say, "Mom! She's going poop!" Well that earned him an exasperated sigh from me as my palm hit my forehead. Then he said, "I need to go pee." So I took him to the downstairs bathroom. Only to find a text a few moments later from my friend telling me to take him away. :) I got the text a little late... but anyway, that's the story.
And since I told a story about Goof Ball, here is the latest interesting information from Bug:
Apparently when Goof Ball turns 5 then we are going to have another baby in the house. This is not an official announcement from me trying to be creative in saying that I'm expecting (I'm not...) this is purely from the Bug's mouth. But if that is the case, I guess I need to get my IUD out and get busy, because Goof Ball turns 5 in June... This statement also shows just how calculating and serious Bug is. He decided this at least a year ago - and he still hasn't wavered or forgot about it. Let's just say... I have silly kids.
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