Can I have some?
welcome to my blog.
a place to post. a place to eat oreos. a place to vent. a place to heal.
i started this blog so i could use a different outlet besides munching on fattening oreos. as if that has done any good... *mind wanders to oreo package in the house...*
then i realized that oreos can be semi symbolic. if you are are that crazy about oreos that is. which... i am.
eating oreos is therapeutic for me. when i am struggling or when i need a pick me up. they have chocolate. and sugar. both of which help lift my mood. not to mention that i eat them soaked with milk, which is my miracle drink.
i post my posts to not only get stuff out. there may be people who read my blog who have been in the same kind of situations as i have. i hope reading them and knowing that others have gone through things like i have, will be to you what eating oreos does to me.
and yes. i didn't capitalize anything in here. i just felt like it. deal with it.
munch up.
CURSES!!!!
I did it again.
I'm numb.
Yes, that's right.
I'm numb.
I feel nothing.
I could care less about anything.
I avoided new moms at church.
I avoided taking a slight glimpse at the graveyard across from our ward building before walking home.
I'm avoiding pain.
I'm avoiding myself.
I'm avoiding feeling His love.
I'm avoiding feeling love for Little Angel.
I don't know how to stop this cycle of numbness.
It just comes when I'm in too much pain.
I have no control.
When it comes, or when it goes.
So I accept it.
Let's hope I'll accept my new little bug when he comes.
Instead of avoid him like all the other babies in my ward.
I don't know what to do.
Is there new life after SIDS?
3 comments:
Oh, don't be too hard on yourself. Everybody deals with things in different ways. I will be praying for you! Lots of love!
Maybe this new bug can help feel what was left after little bug died. You are strong (even if you don't believe it). Take a deep breath. Now exhale! You will survive.
I'm sure it will pass--just no one knows how long it will take. But, Heaven.y Father knows what you are feeling and he is already with you. If you can relax, you will be able to feel it. If you can't, it will take more time. Love you,
Emeren
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