Self Reflection

After looking over past posts and coming to the realization that most of them lately have been depressing, and not only that, but looking over the past few weeks with moving and all that, and noticing that my mood hasn't been all that great, the past week or so I have been thinking about the effect my mood has had on my family and all that.

On Mother's Day, I finally finished reading a book I had been in the middle of for quite a while. No One Can Take Your Place by Sheri Dew. Near the end of the book she talks about (well all throughout really, but also at the end of it causing me to reflect) how everyone has divine rolls and all that. I started wondering what I was sent here to do. What was my divine roll? What was I suppose to accomplish on this earth? What could I contribute to others that no one else could do?

I can quote segments from my patriarchal blessing to you off the top of my head. I read it that often. In it, it talks a lot about having a "knowledge of the world" and being able to help people solve problems in their lives. I won't go into it too much. I just couldn't really think of anything in my patriarchal blessing that would tell me what I was really supposed to do. I mean, sure. Help people. What was I supposed to do? Walk around looking for people who I don't even know who look depressed or something? Not able to do much physically doesn't help with that idea.

Yesterday I started reading another book. I am a Mother by Jane Clayson Johnson. It also made me reflect a lot on my mood and what I do and how it effects my little family. It made me turn to my patriarchal blessing. I'm not exactly sure why. I spent a good portion of the day yesterday writing down from my patriarchal blessing two separate things in columns. My blessings/gifts in one column, and on the other column, responsibilities/calls.

Some things ended up in both columns. Some things repeated, but I put them all in. Rocket Scientist and I did a lot of speculating and conversation with this. Trying to understand sentences that I didn't get, and trying to figure out what it was telling me to do with my life. I still have a lot of questions. Some things are more sound in my mind. I'm still not quite sure what I can be doing right now in my life, and some things that are quite obvious in my patriarchal blessing don't really feel like I would be fulfilling divine callings. I'm not sure this all makes sense to anyone but me. In any case, I'm about to re-look at the list I made and come up with a few things that I can do right now despite my physical limitations.

In any case, having this little self reflection session with myself (throughout the weeks/days) has helped me be a little more positive. A little more encouraging instead of complaining. A little more patient. If that is all that came of it, then so be it. At least I'm trying to swim instead of just letting the water drown me.