Settling

Yesterday was a BAD day. One of those days you don't want to ever remember again. But today is Sunday again, and I got renewed and regenerated by not only being with my parents who came up to visit for family day, not only for being with the ward members that I know so well and able to visit at church for one last time, not only for being in such a spiritual environment, but also for being able to bear my testimony and remind myself that this is where we are supposed to be right now. It has helped me get through the day.

As for the moving process. We didn't have as many helpers as we had planned on, so it took longer, but we still got everything out in one day.... though I was hoping for having a little bit of that day spent unpacking, and my back wouldn't let me do that myself, but oh well.

Yesterday was the day we had planned to clean out our old apartment, and check out and everything. We headed back there, and it was probably emotional for me to have my home so empty you could hear an echo when you talked. Stupid pregnancy hormones. We got to work. Or more like, Rocket Scientist got to work, and I wandered around wondering what I should do. Sometime during the moving and everyone was asking me where things went, my brain decided to take a vacation and wasn't working. It was still out of the office yesterday as well, so whatever.

Rocket Scientist told me something I could do, so I got right on it. Washing off the gross wall behind the stove. I got most of that done and everything, but was feeling my strength wane throughout. And not just because my arm was washing a wall. I was starting to feel faint. And weak. And my back started to act up. Everything I have complained about throughout this pregnancy came into play. I went to sit down on the floor for a bit to regain strength, but it wouldn't come. I felt retarded and weak and needy and hundreds of other things. And amidst all this, I also was doubting our decision. Pregnancy hormones kicked in as well and I was bawling on the floor, soaking my shirt.

After much persuasion, Rocket Scientist got me to concede. I didn't want to leave him there all by himself cleaning without any sort of help. In all honesty, I didn't want to leave him at all. I wanted to help so we could get it done quicker. Not like any help I could do at that point in time would have done any good. I was not emotionally sound. I was not physically sound. I was almost not even spiritually sound. I was a wreck.

That whole day I spent at our new home with Bug. A good portion of it I cried whenever I thought of Rocket Scientist cleaning without my help. I felt I should do SOMETHING. By the time Rocket Scientist got home around 7ish, my eyes were all dried out. Bug and I had watched Finding Nemo, and were at the tail end of Monster's Inc. And after he got home, it didn't help my loneliness. This didn't feel like home. It still kind of doesn't. I felt alone and not in the right place, and just plain horrible.

Rocket Scientist was wise to let me cool down a bit after we got Bug in bed by snuggling up in front of a movie (Ever After). It did help. Being well enough to last just long enough in the chapel for sacrament meeting to bear my testimony (I went out to the foyer directly after that) helped. I'm doing a little better. Feeling more sound in our decision. I'm sure doubts will arise again, but I hope I can handle them better.

I will never move while pregnant again. *knocks on wood*