Supersonic nose

First off: no this was not what I was thinking about posting earlier today that I forgot about. Just on my mind right now as Rocket Scientist finishes my chore of rinsing the dishes to put in the dishwasher. (Oh what a wonderful machine that is...)

I have a pretty good nose when I'm not pregnant. I can smell things that Rocket Scientist can't without being pregnant. When I AM pregnant, I have a supersonic nose. The tiniest little smell can come from the farthest recesses of our apartment and throw my tummy into overdrive, threatening to hurl out my latest meal. Sorry for the descriptiveness of that sentence, but it is still true.

Our kitchen is not as clean as I would like it. So after dinner I set to rinsing the dishes that were still in there for a few days. While rinsing a cup that was used for some sort of protein shake (I think... Rocket Scientist is a twig. While most of us spend our time trying to LOSE weight, he tries to GAIN it.) a tiny little smell bug came (probably from the cup) and raced into my nose and down into the recesses of my tummy attempting to push all the recently devoured food out. I tried to fight it for about....... 2 seconds. Then I turned off the water, and practically ran from the kitchen to get away from that smell. Thankfully the food in my tummy is still intact.

While lying on the couch trying to calm my troubled tummy, I felt retarded. I can't even wash dishes, or clean up after myself, let alone others without running from the room, nose plugged. I felt quite lame. Worried that Rocket Scientist would think me lazy (he never would... he is the most patient person I know.) or some other not so appealing thought.

Earlier today I just started reading a book I never finished, again. Better Than You Think You Are by Ardeth G. Kapp. Despite the encouraging words I read in there today, I sure don't feel better than I think I am. If that makes any sense. I can see how that applies to everyone else. But not me. I always tell my friends when we said good bye, "You are GREAT!!!" (citing from D+C 18:10). If ever anyone said that to me, I roll my eyes and brush it off. My inability to keep my home clean, my anger that comes out so easily, my inability (while standing) to pick Bug up to comfort him or some other thing just makes me so inferior to all the other women who can do all those things. AND more.

I'M better than I think I am? ME? Yeah right. Well... I'll try and change that line of thoughts. But I don't think I can get it from inside of me. Or maybe even from comments people may make on this post. I could talk them away so easily ("Well... they only said that 'cause I complained about it..."). I don't know where the inspiration will come from to change my negative outlook on myself. But I hope it comes soon. I'm pretty well close to drowning.