Update from baby stats to anniversaries

There have been many things running through my head of things that I wanna post, but have just haven't been able to get around to it, so this post might end up being pretty random...

Last Sunday night was almost a perfect night. If I wasn't feeding Baby, he was asleep in his cradle where he belongs. The only non perfectness to it was Bug waking up and asking for his music. He doesn't usually wake up during the night (even since we have had Baby here...) and he was eating into my precious sleeping time.

Monday night was HORRIBLE! Baby wouldn't sleep unless he was in my arms. Since Little Angel died while sleeping in our bed, it has been so taboo to do that with Baby that we haven't even talked about it. So where do I get sleep while holding a baby in my arms? On the couch of course. I can't roll over, there aren't as many pillows and soft things to suffocate... but I don't get quality sleep by any means. Staying in the same position all night tends to make one sore.

Tuesday night was a mixture of Monday night and Sunday night. I got three hours in my own bed, but after that, we were on the couch because Baby, once again, insisted on being held.

Last night was perfect again. I spent the whole night in the master bedroom, and I slept the whole night in my own bed waking only to feed Baby for five minutes because he sleeps after that. Bug didn't even wake up this time.

Another subject:

Baby's appointment was on the 23rd. Boy that was a horrible day... probably in part of Monday night being so awful... Anyway... he is already 8 lbs. 11 oz. (he was 8 lbs. 6 oz. coming home from the hospital) and 21 inches. Doctor says everything looks good and that Baby is doing fine.

Another subject:

I don't know if you have been wondering this, but I'm gonna post it anyway. If you'll remember, there have been some earlier posts where I was worried about how a new baby would affect me in reference to Little Angel. I have only had one small heart ache since he has been born. We actually (after we had been pretty settled on Baby's name) discussed the thought of picking a baby name with the meaning of "healing", and I did look it up, but all the names weren't what I was looking for. But I am doing good. I have had a few "heart attacks" when it came to SIDS and all that, but I'm trying to not worry about it. All I can do is put him in the safest positions at night and during naps and leave it to the Lord. When it comes to SIDS, that really is all you can do. After Little Angel died I asked my wise mother the question, "What am I gonna do with the next baby? I don't wanna stress over SIDS the rest of my life!", her response was simple and should be put to all aspects of life. "Go forward with faith." Oh how I love my mother.

Another subject:

Today I was able to have my eye doctor's appointment! Hurrah!!! Contacts here we come! I have been wearing crooked glasses for too long. In about a week I can pick up my new transition lenses!! Hurrah!!!

Also, today is Rocket Scientist and I's 4 year anniversary. Wow... four years and three babies.... maybe we should slow up a bit huh? Though he probably won't read this (he never checks my blog) I still wanna just write my thoughts down (more for me than for you since you probably don't wanna read a bunch of mushy stuff) on how amazing a man I married.

Having been abused as a child, I always worried what it would be like to be married. I remember asking my mom what was I to do when I got married. What would it be like? Obviously she didn't know anymore than I did, but as always, she had the right answer. "Find someone who is really patient." And Rocket Scientist fits that description to a tee. I remember a time while we were dating, I felt... dirty. I felt like some evil was in my room. Not the feeling of Satan or one of his minions, but some other sort of evil. I was so scared I couldn't move. One of my roommates tried to pass it off in a "there isn't anything here... stop worrying" type fashion, but that will never work. There was something there. And someone not believing me isn't what I needed. I asked her to get Rocket Scientist.

I was worried. So many guys have ran away with their tails between their legs when they have seen the darkness I was holding inside of me. They learn of the abuse and they high tail it the other direction, as far away from me as possible. I think if Rocket Scientist had done that it would have broken me. You know what happened (pretty much). He didn't doubt me. He didn't say it wasn't real. He held my hand until I felt safe enough to move. And all this at like 12 in the morning or later (earlier??). I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. The one man who wouldn't run away no matter what I threw at him. No matter what darkness was in me, he wouldn't run.

I guess I'm done now. That is only a small sampling of how much love I have for him. We aren't going to have a hugely fancy anniversary celebration today. Probably not even eating out with the kids. But as long as I'm with him, I'll be safe. That is how I feel. And it is more true now then when he held my hand in my room until the evil spirit went away.

He is my everything and I'm so glad he picked me.

Love you honey.