Stay cold stay!!!

So... I started to cook dinner a little earlier yesterday in the hopes that we would finish earlier, and Bug might actually get to bed at a decent hour. We tend to have dinner a bit later because Rocket Scientist takes a nap in the afternoon, and I want him to get as much sleep as possible.

I started dinner with a pound of hamburger. The kitchen was an absolute mess. Dishes everywhere, no room for anything else on the table, yadda, yadda, yadda. To be completely truthful though, I guess I started by washing dishes. I cleaned out one side of the sink so I could wash the pan that I would need to cook the hamburger. Once that was done and drying I thawed the meat. As that was thawing, I dried the pan and the other dishes that now filled the drying rack so I could wash more dishes.

*sigh* I digress.

So I finally got the meat cooking. Put seasonings on it and all that, and had it browning as I washed even more dishes so we could actually have something to eat on besides a dirty table. I was feeling optimistic and accomplished. I envisioned waking Rocket Scientist up to dinner and a clean and organized kitchen, the table emptied and washed off as well as all the counters. I would have appreciated having the dishes I used to make dinner washed, but I figured I couldn't get that far. See. I was trying to set boundaries.

Then it happened... My heart started to feel like it was racing (it wasn't), I started to feel out of breath like I had just ran a marathon (I didn't), and I was feeling very weak as if I performed in a dance recital while fasting (I haven't... at least not recently). I cursed my luck. I finished the dish I was working on at the time, and quickly decided in my head that it wasn't necessary to wake Rocket Scientist up quite yet. I would lay down on the couch and wait for it to pass and finish making dinner.

I wasn't feeling very optimistic about that plan. Seeing as whenever this happens, I have to lay down for at least an hour before I start to even think about getting back up.

I mumbled to Bug (who was begging me for attention and to play with him) that I was feeling sick and needed to lay down. He is usually pretty good if I tell him that. I can still kind of (weakly) play with him as long as he brings the toys to the couch. I laid there for a while. At least long enough for the meat to sound quieter. I knew that if I didn't do something soon it would start to burn. I cursed my luck again and weakly started to stand up to wake Rocket Scientist up to finish making dinner while I laid down like a lump on a log.

Probably due to the picture I had imagined waking him up to and pregnancy hormones and feeling like a lazy schmuck and, and, and........ I cried a lot on the bed there. It didn't help that I was already feeling out of breath and could hardly breath when I WASN'T crying, but whatever. Rocket Scientist (like a good, patient husband) left me to my tears and left to make dinner because I pointed out that the meat might be burning now (he wanted to stay and wipe away my tears).

My crying stalled, and finally stopped. Almost at the same time that my body decided to start working for me properly and though I probably shouldn't have, I came out of my room and started to wash dishes again while Rocket Scientist worked on dinner. After about 8-10 dishes it came back. More forcefully probably than it did the last time, and I couldn't even finish washing the current dish. I put it down halfway soapy and went to lay on the couch again and almost bursting into tears again.

As I laid there I thought of what I put on here earlier about these episodes and how I thought they were connected to heat though I never feel hot when they happen. Right behind our couch is a window. I weakly reached up and opened it. Cool (maybe even cold to a normal person who doesn't have an internal heater like me) air washed over my face and I felt instantly better. I breathed in the cool, fresh air for quite a while as it renewed my muscles and organs.

As I enjoyed the cool air on my face, my mind was thinking (and falling into depression in the process) about the coming months. Not having AC in my apartment, I was bound to not be able to have this cool (and fresh) of air throughout the coming months. I started to foresee the fact that I'll be spending a lot of days/weeks/months laying down not able to do anything but faint if I stand up.

So I know that a lot of people are wanting warm air.... I vote that winter should stay. Where is that 12" of snow we got almost a week and a half ago?? Forget the summer. I'm dreading even the spring...