June

Is it just me or did May pass by WAY slow? Maybe it is my lack of scheduled things anymore (you know... like the 8 classes I had just a month or so ago) that makes me feel that way, but it just seemed that May was way WAY slow.

That said... I didn't have anything else planned to say to you all, so prepare for rambling!! Yay!

With all this relatively free time, I have been doing a lot of writing and have gotten a lot done to my story. For some reason this time around, the farther I get, the more and more I think that maybe the story just isn't worth all this. I shall continue to write, however, I keep thinking to myself that maybe I am the only one who really enjoys the story and think it is worth something. At a writing convention I went to some of the published authors said, "Your first story is good for you, but they hardly ever get published or are worth anything to anyone else." So does that mean that it is pointless to write?

I know, despite this depression, that it is important for me to write, if only for me, but I keep getting a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that maybe I'm not all that cut out for this sort of thing. What if all my writing turns out to be "just for me"? Maybe this is just a self-esteem issue, I don't know. But it has really been nagging at me. I feel like I have been working constantly on it since school got out, and maybe I just need a break or something? Yet, the words still want to explode out of my head, so it isn't like I have reached a writer's block (which I have before, and know how it feels like).

Last semester, I really found an affinity with nonfiction, which I thought I would never enjoy. Blame my teacher (who I absolutely loved and wished he taught advanced nonfiction), blame my preconceived notions of what nonfiction is that he blew away, but whatever the case, I practically fell in love with that genre of writing. So is that what befalls me then? Should I focus on writing nonfiction from now on? (Wait.... that's what I'm doing right now... though less publication worthy than what I did for the class)

I don't know if my rambling makes any sense to anyone but me, and I'm not even sure I got to the point. Whatever that is.

Whatever the case, that is how it is. I shall still write and I shall still read. Next semester I am not in any writing classes.... which will probably feel really weird to me. I will be in only one English class, the other two gen-ed classes and the Japanese class (to graduate with a BA instead of BS... really... English isn't science, no matter what people say). With all that, I won't be spending any time in the English building even though I have one English class. Now THAT will be really strange for me.

Oh, I got off topic. Yeah, I will continue to write, and maybe eventually I will feel that it was all worth it. I have other projects on the back burner that maybe I should spend some time with to get my stress dealing with my "first" off me. Who knows what caused it, and who knows if any of you care. The story is still very unfinished in my mind, and I will continue to write, if only to satisfy me.

Thanks for reading through my confusion and highly illogical fears.