Memories

While going through boxes and boxes of baby clothes the other day, I of course ran into some memories. One of my favorite baby outfits my sister-in-law gave us when Little Angel was born, so there were no memories of Bug with that one. It was interesting to go through these clothes and thinking about the last few years. Some of the clothes, mainly just my favorite ones that we've had since Bug was little, were so stained I ended up putting them in the DI/give away box. Not sure if we really will (some of them are REALLY stained) or if we will just chuck them. I regretted putting them in a get rid of box, seeing as they were my favorite (which is OF COURSE why they were so stained), but I knew I would hesitate putting them on this new baby because they were just so stained.

Bug was born before our first anniversary. Yes, you heard that right. He was not a "honeymoon baby" and he was conceived after our wedding. Some of you (probably the ones that I don't know in person) may be wide eyed right now. The phrase, "That was FAST!!!" comes to mind. I won't try to explain my thoughts on the subject of birth control, because I really don't know how best to explain it.

Despite the fact that we have been pregnant for at least half or more of our marriage, I don't think, if I could, that I would do it any other way. I have always wanted to be a mom. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, that was always the first thing that came to my mind. Sure we have had some hard times just like anyone else, and some of them have been because we didn't have the chance really to get used to each other around all the time before we became parents. I still wouldn't have done it any other way.

Maybe all this nostalgia is from the fact that we are moving from our only home we have had since we started our family, maybe it has to do with going through the baby clothes I have dressed my boys with, but in any case, I just wanted to share this all with you. Being able to go through the clothes without breaking down, without my heart aching (at least too much that I became numb), makes me think that I can handle this next baby. Not sure if I posted this or not, but one thing that has really had me worried is that I'll shun my own baby because that is what I have done with new babies in my ward, even if I wanted to get closer to their mom. These new thoughts and feelings makes me think that maybe I will be Ok.

Things will work out.